Come criticize my Magic and Season Sytem

#1
Are there any flaws in my magic system? 

I'm currently working on the worldbuilding system for my books. There are several species like Birdmen(Avians) Apple-men (Applers), Elves, Dwarves, Golden Sentient Moles and the main specie, the treemen (Arbolarbre). 

Here are my worldbuilding notes (Summarized). They might not be perfectly written considering that French is my native language.

Some members of the tree-men species are the only one possessing magical sap, which is the source of all magic. Those are the descendants of Saint-Herbacum, the ancestor of the tree-men. They are the one destined to become priests and Wizards.

This magical sap is a toxic substance for non-wizards but can still be used by them to cast spells and access magical powers that they would normally not be able to use. (For example, the Golden moles trade their goods for tree-men sap). 

 Ingesting it could cause the onset of heart or lung diseases because it rots the internal organs.


To increase their power, the Treemen priests and wizard must mature their sap, making them grow old and losing precious lifespan. 

Nevertheless, Dark Wizards can also increase their power by stealing other Wizard's and priests soul while Priests can also increase their power by learning more about the Holy teachings of the Plant Faith and by deepening their faith in God.

Normal Treemen can live up to 150 years while most wizard and priests die young (50 to 60 years old).

 However, Wizards and priests that discovered the secret on how to retain their powers while preventing the maturing of the sap can live up to 500 years.

To use magic, the wizards and priests must perfectly pronounce the words of the spell while picturing the spell's effects.

The violent scenes could create psychological after-effects on the wizards and priests, making them develop mental illnesses. Especially dark magic due to its potency. 

Also, the magic is affected by the season system present on plant Anthor where the story is taking place.

The Treemen species (Arbolarbres) live there and follow a vegetarian cult-like religion. The Season sytem on Anthor follows the growing phase of the plants with 4 seasons (Arbé, Poussé, Germé, Floré).

The Arbé season is where the seedlings produced in the Floré season start to take root. It's the season of stagnation where the water cycle is constant and doesn't do anything useful. During this season, most animals and birds hibernate due to the cold, misty and damp weather. 

It's the season where the survival of most plant species created during the Germé Season is determined. If it survived the season, the new plant specie could reproduce and create new plant species (Go look at Germé Season for more info). It was in this season that magic came back to Anthor, starting the magic cycle again. Magic growing with the seasons (Arbé, Poussé, Germé) to die in the Floré Season.

Mages could return from their hideout and join back civil society. Magic was at its lowest during this season and every spell except sleeping spell were weakened.

Magic had special properties during this season of stagnation. Offensive and defensive spells could put the caster and receiver to sleep, making the spell very effective against enemies. It was also possible to use the spells as a lullaby or to put the listener to sleep.
During this season, mages rarely offered their services as war mages or healers, but rather as babysitters and storytellers, helping to put babies and insomniacs to sleep.
Magical phenomena were also more common during this season. Wizards and witches often found themselves surrounded by strange lights and sounds, which they later attributed to the return of magical flows.

A spell cast during the Arbé Season might take longer than usual to manifest. Most magicians preferred to wait until the Season of Germé to test their new offensive and defensive spells, as the magical phenomena made these types of spells more effective.

Florestia and the Farizian Republic were very weak militarily during the seasons of Floré and Arbé. Therefore, they had signed a mutual defense pact to protect each other during these periods. At the beginning of the Arbe, the Farizian Republic's Council of Mages met annually with the Royal Mage and the King of Florestia to discuss their common threat, the Appler Kingdom of Pommaron.

Crops grew abundantly in the Poussé Season because of the mixed rain, composed of mud, silt, water, and rejuvenating leaves. The Blue Moon responsible for the alteration of magical powers appeared every day during the Poussé Season and once per month during the Arbé and Germé Season. 

Under the polar blue moon, spells were altered, hot spells turned into cold spells, plant growth spells into plant lushness spells, healing spells into resurrection spells, and non-lethal combat spells into spells that could decimate cities.

Germé Season appeared when God went to sleep. It did not obey the rules of creation related to God's command and it was assumed that it would end with God's awakening. 
Germé Season allowed for the creation of new spells based on five magical elements (Water, Fire, Divine Magic, Plant Magic, and Air) each with its own unique properties and effects. It allowed the birth of new spells from the sacrifice of Arbolarbre Sap such as Water Spell: Fog or Fire Spell: Inferno,

This season was also the only one where inter-species coupling could lead to the creation of whole new species such as half-Apples, half-Arbolarbres, half-humans.  During this season, the Golden Moles of Monte Pico were known to mate with their Arbolarbre followers to generate new sources of magic, the Arbolarbre sap being the source of all magic.
During the first month of this season, people celebrated Fecundir (the festival of creation). On the day of the Germé Solstice, all the races of Florestia gathered at the foot of the Saint-Cèdre's Palace and held a dance contest to find a mate for life.  The party was so popular that everyone wanted to attend, even those who were not single.

Later in the season, around the second week of the second month, Florestia and the Farizian Republic held a wizarding contest to test the power of new spells.  The duel was open to all wizards and the winner received an additional prize. The winner also received the title of champion. 

Floré Season

Floré Season was different from the other seasons, it was the time when all the flowers and trees bloomed and it was the time when one felt the most joy, love and happiness. 

It was the season of deepening love. Couples who had met during the season of the Germé were getting closer and more committed to each other.

The weather reflected the love that blossomed during this season. It was usually mild and sunny while the gentle wind caressed the cheeks of the lovers. The clouds were tinged with red and pink in the clear blue sky and continuously dropped small droplets of a fertile, fluffy substance called "love dew. The love dew fell from the sky in a silvery stream, like tears of love, and fed the Colibris that had built their nests on the branches of many flowering trees.

The Flower Festival (Floret Festiva) was celebrated on the Solstice of Floré, which was the longest day of the year. The reason why Floré was longer than Arbé and Germé, was that the days became longer as the seasons progressed.

However, the most beautiful season of the year was a dark day for mages. Magic was severely weakened during this season, reducing the number of storms that occurred and rendering mages powerless.
 
During the Floré season, when the magic was weakest, the mages hid and only came out at the beginning of Arbé. Royal mages like Ignis were always given an escort so that they would not be attacked by bounty hunters who wanted to kill them for their magical sap or their soul. 

Many black mages hired these bounty hunters to get rid of their competitors and get their powers. This led to the death of many mages and the murder of many innocent people.

Re: Come criticize my Magic and Season Sytem

#2
I really like the idea you're going for with this, but although I like the idea, it would be nice reading about it in story instead of just explained nearly everything about the systems. You obviously have been planning this magic system for quite a while, and it shows with each intricacy taken account for. Again, the only problem I can spot is that I'm not reading about it, which is when the system you set up can truly shine. 

The main thing I liked was how instead of the seasons being something generic like summer, autumn, winter, spring, instead you made your own idea of seasons and revolved it around the main species of your story. From the planting of the seed to the bloom, each season is explained intricatly and its effect on their magic. Again, I really want to read about it, and I can't wait for you to have more chapters released.

Re: Come criticize my Magic and Season Sytem

#3
Very interesting ideas. I like the non-human route, but I have highlighted a few things that may or may not be relevant.

To summarize:

Treemen and their sap are the source of magic because they are the only descendants from a magical being
  • Why was it magical, was it a gift from god or was it the origin?
Only certain treemen have this sap and can use it naturally.
  • How do they use the sap?
  • How is sap obtained?
Other creatures are hurt by contacting the sap, but can still use it.
  • How can other creatures use this sap?
  • Do other treemen that don't have this sap get hurt as well, if so to the same extent as other creatures?
Wizards and priests are those who have magical sap, they can increase the potency of their sap by maturing it.
  • How do they mature their sap.
  • How much stronger does it get.
Maturing sap drains longevity from priests and wizards.
  • Do priests and wizards who don't mature their sap also get older quicker than those who don't have sap.
Dark wizards can rip souls from wizards and priests to become stronger
  • What are souls?
  • Do souls do anything else?
  • Do they also get stronger from ripping souls from non-magical tree men or other creatures?
Priests get stronger by learning their religion and increasing faith
  • How?
  • Can priests be wizards and wizards be priests, what's the difference?
Treemen live to 150 while priests and wizards live to 50-60.
  • What about wizards and priests that don't mature their sap?
Wizards and priests that stop the maturing of their sap, can live a lot longer and retain power.
  • Is maturing their sap a voluntary or involuntary action for the average wizard or priest then.
  • If their sap maturing is what makes most wizards and priests stronger, why is it different for those that can prevent it.
To use magic priests and wizards must recite a spell while imagining it, their imagination can affect their psychology.
  • How is sap involved in this process?
  • Do other non-magical creatures do the same thing?
Dark magic is especially strong and brings a greater toll on the mind than other spells.
  • What makes dark magic dark?
  • What happens when a priest casts dark magic?
All the rest is fine in my eyes. Great job on coming up with the affects of seasons on magic, very fun.





Re: Come criticize my Magic and Season Sytem

#4
Thanks for the reply, Paradox. I will certainly answer those questions in the story because  I have already answered those questions in my full worldbuilding notes.

However I have yet to answer them in Book 1 so I will probably have to rewrite it to answer those questions in the first story arc. Some of them such as the how to mature their sap and how stronger they can get could be easily explained in story 1 without altering it too much, same as the souls part. However,  it would be way easier to explain the use of the sap by other species and other questions in the second story arc which is still unwritten. 

 If I tried to answer them all in book 1, I'd have to rewrite the storyline entirely which might not be the best idea. 

1st. Many beta-readers told me that they liked the first story arc so I don't want to diverge too much from the storyline, and weaving those elements  naturally into the story (without infodumping or tearing significantly the character arcs ) might be an arduous task. 

2st. I don't really know how I could do it unless I start from scratch in Book 2 while continuing Book 1's storyline (Book 2 is not written yet and I wanted to explore other elements of worldbuilding such as how the Golden Moles used tree-men sap and how the Applers, the enemies of the Treemen were going to extract dead treemen's sap as well as the difference between priests and wizards, the way priests strengthen their faith and their powers as well as the origins story of the Treemen God and their sap.)

 Most of your questions and other yet-to-be-explored elements of worldbuilding could be used and weaved to create the second arc's conflict.
 

Re: Come criticize my Magic and Season Sytem

#5
Jayrayme6 Wrote: Thanks for the reply, Paradox. I will certainly answer those questions in the story because  I have already answered those questions in my full worldbuilding notes.

However I have yet to answer them in Book 1 so I will probably have to rewrite it to answer those questions in the first story arc. Some of them such as the how to mature their sap and how stronger they can get could be easily explained in story 1 without altering it too much, same as the souls part. However,  it would be way easier to explain the use of the sap by other species and other questions in the second story arc which is still unwritten. 

 If I tried to answer them all in book 1, I'd have to rewrite the storyline entirely which might not be the best idea. 

1st. Many beta-readers told me that they liked the first story arc so I don't want to diverge too much from the storyline, and weaving those elements  naturally into the story (without infodumping or tearing significantly the character arcs ) might be an arduous task. 

2st. I don't really know how I could do it unless I start from scratch in Book 2 while continuing Book 1's storyline (Book 2 is not written yet and I wanted to explore other elements of worldbuilding such as how the Golden Moles used tree-men sap and how the Applers, the enemies of the Treemen were going to extract dead treemen's sap as well as the difference between priests and wizards, the way priests strengthen their faith and their powers as well as the origins story of the Treemen God and their sap.)

 Most of your questions and other yet-to-be-explored elements of worldbuilding could be used and weaved to create the second arc's conflict.

Keeping a bit of mystery is fine, don't have to reveal everything from get go. DrakanWine