British English

#1
Hey mates! 

Three years ago I moved to the UK. I'd like to point out some cultural differences I was faced with as a Mainland-European.

This post in meant for those who write about British protagonists and get some minor details wrong.

First, let's cover a bit of vocabulary.

A Tory is considered a bad person. You don't want to be friends with a Tory because your other friends will make a fuss when they find out. It's fine of you're related to one though, everyone's nan is a Tory.

There are two brands of crisps : Pringles and Walkers. Crisps are not to be confused with chips. Although both can be flavored with salt and/or vinegar, only crisps come in cheese&onion flavour.

The Tube is like a tram buy underground. It's also always way deeper underground than what you might suspect. So don't take the stairs to get out of the tube, unless you can see direct sunlight.

Spoons' is a brand of pubs. The guy who runs it is allegedly shite, but they do cocktail pitchers for cheap and their burgers are decent.

"Pardon?" is what you say when you didn't quite understand what your Scottish mate was saying.

"Yeah..." is what you say when you Scottish mate repeated themselves and you still have no idea what they're on about.

Now, if you want to make your British protagonist sound believable, never have them describe food flavour. The only food related thing the protagonist of your story can comment on is the presence or lack of salt and/or vinegar. This is especially true for Brits whose nan is a Tory.

Now, a quick lesson in geography. Britain in separated into 4 parts. London, sheep, high-altitude peat and shite weather. You usually take the train or the coach to get from one part to the next because they are further away that you might think.


Some miscellaneous fun facts:

All the silver coins you get as change can be put together to form a blason with the Queen's face on it.

When you're at Spoons, you can use their app to order a banana to a random person's table. Just sit back and enjoy their reaction.

Morisson's donuts sometimes come in a pack of 4, and sometimes in a pack of 5. It's never clearly labeled, so make sure to count your donuts before you pay for them (50p for a pack of 4 is a terrible deal).

You can cross the road anywhere. You shouldn't (in my opinion), but the government doesn't have enough money to paint on zebra crossings, so you might as well. The blinking yellow lampposts do usually indicate a crossing though.

If you run out of conversation topics, talk about the weather. It's always shite, so you can't go wrong with that.

If you live in a city that has a uni (which is most of them), you will see a lot of trash on the streets around end of June. That's where I found my ironing board, and a laundry drying rack, and the sofa I now have in my garden.

You don't need a TV license if you have Netflix. The government has no way of knowing, and even if it does go to court, tell them that you don't watch TV since you have Netflix.

If you don't watch or care for football, just say Arsenal is the best team. You'll probably get away with it.

That's it for me, if that makes sense.

Re: British English

#2

Evieleyn Wrote: Now, a quick lesson in geography. Britain in separated into 4 parts. London, sheep, high-altitude peat and shite weather. You usually take the train or the coach to get from one part to the next because they are further away that you might think.


Hold your horses. Are you suggesting that all of England is being summarised as the word "London"?
As a Yorkshire Lass, I take great offence. We'll set Sean Bean on you. 

Re: British English

#3

Astrille Wrote:
Evieleyn Wrote: Now, a quick lesson in geography. Britain in separated into 4 parts. London, sheep, high-altitude peat and shite weather. You usually take the train or the coach to get from one part to the next because they are further away that you might think.


Hold your horses. Are you suggesting that all of England is being summarised as the word "London"?
As a Yorkshire Lass, I take great offence. We'll set Sean Bean on you.
What are you on about ? Yorkshire is right in the middle of "shite weather". As a Leeds gal, I saw the sun exactly once this winter, and it was when I opened my physics book.

Re: British English

#4

Evieleyn Wrote:
Astrille Wrote:
Evieleyn Wrote: Now, a quick lesson in geography. Britain in separated into 4 parts. London, sheep, high-altitude peat and shite weather. You usually take the train or the coach to get from one part to the next because they are further away that you might think.


Hold your horses. Are you suggesting that all of England is being summarised as the word "London"?
As a Yorkshire Lass, I take great offence. We'll set Sean Bean on you.
What are you on about ? Yorkshire is right in the middle of "shite weather". As a Leeds gal, I saw the sun exactly once this winter, and it was when I opened my physics book.


Thank heavens for that. Hope you had your sunglasses on.
I wrongly assumed that Wales was sheep, Hills was Scotland and shite weather was Northern Ireland. Rained sideways when i last risked visiting. I really enjoyed the two metres or so in front of me that I could actually see though. And the inside of pubs.

Re: British English

#5

Astrille Wrote:
Evieleyn Wrote:
Astrille Wrote:
Evieleyn Wrote: Now, a quick lesson in geography. Britain in separated into 4 parts. London, sheep, high-altitude peat and shite weather. You usually take the train or the coach to get from one part to the next because they are further away that you might think.


Hold your horses. Are you suggesting that all of England is being summarised as the word "London"?
As a Yorkshire Lass, I take great offence. We'll set Sean Bean on you.
What are you on about ? Yorkshire is right in the middle of "shite weather". As a Leeds gal, I saw the sun exactly once this winter, and it was when I opened my physics book.


Thank heavens for that. Hope you had your sunglasses on.
I wrongly assumed that Wales was sheep, Hills was Scotland and shite weather was Northern Ireland. Rained sideways when i last risked visiting. I really enjoyed the two metres or so in front of me that I could actually see though. And the inside of pubs.

Oh, Northern Ireland isn't on the list. It's technically part of *the United Kingdom*. It it were on the list, I would have probably said 'potatoes' for it though. 


I've never been to Ireland, but funilly enough, all all of my European friends who have always had amazing weather. 

But hey, the insides of pubs are the main attraction of all counties anyway ;)

Re: British English

#12
To further follow-up as a londoner, there's a very special social dynamic that many tend to ignore about us. Relatively speaking, the four sections of Britian will endlessly shit on one another for whatever reason possible, normally as a joke.
This is most obvious when stuck-ups from up north try to convince everyone that London is an utter shithole, or something along that line, and that their places are way better. People from the sheep nation can be mostly ignored, the generic comeback is relate them all to that one story of a farmer who claimed to have sex with a sheep. The south is even more stuck-up, but since they only have cornish pasties (Pronounced Pa-st-ees, these are pastries with a savoury filling) to their name it doesn't really matter.

Oh, and shite weather is a countrywide topic, it's just that the further north you get the shitter it gets. I hope this informative, aggressive, and in no way satirically biased, campaign for the sake of londeners has helped the people of RR greatly.

Re: British English

#13

Bananalloy Wrote: To further follow-up as a londoner, there's a very special social dynamic that many tend to ignore about us. Relatively speaking, the four sections of Britian will endlessly shit on one another for whatever reason possible, normally as a joke.
This is most obvious when stuck-ups from up north try to convince everyone that London is an utter shithole, or something along that line, and that their places are way better. People from the sheep nation can be mostly ignored, the generic comeback is relate them all to that one story of a farmer who claimed to have sex with a sheep. The south is even more stuck-up, but since they only have cornish pasties (Pronounced Pa-st-ees, these are pastries with a savoury filling) to their name it doesn't really matter.
It's kind of funny how you oh so perfectly described the island version of Scandinavia. Join the Nordics, you'll fit right in. You guys can shit on Finlands beer, and Scandinavians from all over can finally unite over someone elses weather being worse than our own.