So is there anyone that can give any pointers on third person writing.
I checked out both of your stories for a bit and here's what I can tell you:
The way you treat First Person POV is fundamentally different from Third Person POV. You described the impressions you had after you made the switch quite well and in that was my hint as to what will help you make your 3rd person POV pop out more.
The biggest part of it is that your 3rd person POV are two characters. You have a narrator and you have the person he is following around. In 1st person POV your character is your narrator. Suddenly you have access to his thoughts and feelings on what he observes and by putting yourself into his shoes there's a never ending list of things he could notice and comment on. Your protagonist is your most interesting character so it makes sense that his perspective is also interesting.
Compare that to your 3rd person POV who has an interesting character, but your narrator is kinda boring. He isn't a real character, he's more like the lense of a camera with some knowledge of what he observes. He can comment on the history of the world for example, but he doesn't hold opinions nor does he have any feelings. As such he is boring.
If you want to make your 3rd person POV more enjoyable there are two simple solutions. The first is to make the narrator a character in his own right and thus more interesting. Give him a unique voice and perspective as he comments on the events within the story and you'll have a lot more fun observing through the perspective he gives you.
The other solution is to go for this one:
Quote:With this one - which I personally prefer - you make your protagonist your narrator even in 3rd person POV. Technically if you want to be very precise it's still the same nameless narrator only now he's peaking into the MC's head for his thoughts and feelings, but in practice you can get commentary on how he feels about certain things. That's a way how you can get an unreliable narrator for example - simply filter everything through the main characters perspective.
- Third-person limited omniscient. This point of view (often called a “close third”) is when an author sticks closely to one character but remains in third person. The narrator can do this for the entire novel, or switch between different characters for different chapters or sections. This point of view allows the author to limit a reader’s perspective and control what information the reader knows. It is used to build interest and heighten suspense.
As to how that could look like, here are two examples:
Distinct narrator in Third-person omniscient:
Now Bobby was a kind child, even if he was a little dumb. He himself did not realize it as most stupid people are unaware of their own stupidity but never let it be said that Bobby didn't also have a heart of gold, so when his grandmother fell ill and his family told him that they did not have the money to pay for her treatment he decided - thinking to himself that it was a good decision, bless his heart - to break into his school at night and put some money into the photocopier.
Third-person limited omniscient :
O'Riley tensed as the drill sergeant walked down the line. Standing at attention meant that his body was already as rigid as a board but be could feel his muscles going that extra mile as the mean old bulldog of a man made his pass. Ol' Nasty someone had nicknamed him, but he hadn't had the guts to even say it where the sergeant couldn't hear. The man had seen action in Afghanistan and looked like he'd sooner tear O'Riley's tongue out through his ass then suffer the slightest bit of insolance from him.
Basically, what it amounts to is that you can look at the parts of your 1st person POV that you enjoy most and simply transfer it to a 3rd person narration since a 'close third' is very similar to a 1st person POV anyway.
Hope this helped!
PS: if you want the link to the website I pulled this from just say so, the link was broken in the preview so I deleted it.