Re: What am I missing:

I read other people's stories though they are vastly different than the ones I focus on. I feel the stories that people do write about do not differ in writing quality; I am missing something from my stories. 
I have only started writing in may when I joined, and I don't know. I feel I' am not doing bad, but I see other stories doing much better in a shorter time frame. Is there just something missing from my stories? I have the passion, but perhaps there is a skill I have not learned? Are my characters awful or maybe it is my ideas I'd love some thoughts to try and improve on this, I feel writing this book though it brings me some happiness if it's not worth sharing then I will stop.

Re: What am I missing:

From lurking in the forum, these are three things I learn that could answer your question:
1) Some stories already have an established fanbase from the author’s past work
2) The author advertised on other platforms and bring readers to his/her story on RR
3) The author’s style, story and update schedule appealed to a large audience in RR
Hopefully, this might helps explain a little 

Re: What am I missing:

You know what they say about judging a book by its cover, right? Nowhere is that more true than on RR, Tapas, Wattpad and dozens of other serial novel sites. Now, I don't want to sound too harsh, but the covers posted in your sig are very hard to read, mainly because of the size. The text blends with the background and the overall imagery is kinda jumbled - which may be your objective. I just thought I would mention that as many readers - in fact about 80% - will click on a cover link based solely on what they are seeing. Also, I clicked on your cover sig and did NOT get to your book locations on RR. That could be an issue too. You might want to look into that. But good luck with your work, whatever you decide.

Re: What am I missing:

A few tips/hints:

1. I stared at both of your book covers, and I just don't get it. What the hell does TFLIM even mean?

2. Think about updating your synopsis. As an author, you should try and grab me (the reader) using that since this is the first thing I will read about your story. You should try to tell me better what your story is all about and not being too mysterious. 

Here is my first impression of what I understand in your synopsis:
book 1: Good and evil fight in a fallout world. Then demon lord received some letters.  ???
book 2: I want to write Overlord manga, but don't want to call it LitRPG. 

3: Pls don't put [EDIT] in every chapter title. It gives the impression that it is not finished yet or something. People expect every author to edit their work, you dont need to tell them that. If there are significant changes from the one they already read like name or location changes then inform them in the author's comment so people who read the story have some ideas. But putting edit in your chapter names makes it just weird.

4. I will say this again and again in every author here in RR, STOP LOOKING AT THE NUMBERS AND COMPARING THEM TO OTHERS. It's a great tool, and you should check on it once a month to see your progress, not every hour by the hour. This is a marathon, ladies, and gentlemen, not a sprint. focus on your story and keep writing. Its like freaking exercise. People will get passionately dedicated and forced themselves to exercise. After a week and they look in the mirror and see no changes or muscles, they get depressed and stop doing exercises. 

Re: What am I missing:

I agree with fixing the URLs in your sig, and making sure your book covers are easily visible at thumbnail size.

As for the rest, that's where things get more difficult. You asked a similar question back in April, so I'll just repeat what I said then, because it looks like it still has many of the same problems. And this doesn't mean you should stop writing. Writing is one of the best ways to get better at writing. We all just have to realize that it takes a lot of effort, and our early stories may need a lot of improvement. All authors are continually improving.

Here was my previous feedback:

Quote:There are dozens of errors (spelling, grammar, and punctuation) just in your story blurb alone, as well as your post in this thread. From a quick peek at your first chapter, it looks to have similar issues. Some readers can overlook stuff like that, but others can't, especially when the problems are so numerous.

In addition to the typographical errors, you switch from a first-person point of view to a third-person point of view within the first few paragraphs. Plus, there seems to be a habit of referring to things that haven't been defined as if the reader is already aware of what they are. And the writing feels a bit "stream of consciousness" rather than being told as a traditional story (not completely stream of consciousness; just a bit of it).

Are you a native English speaker? If not, I'd recommend writing in your native language first, while you continue to improve your English skills.

If you *are* a native English speaker, then here are some steps I'd recommend to improve:

1. Read as many novels as you can that were published by professional publishing houses (because those have been edited, proofread, and vetted for quality). Pay attention to the style and how the story is structured, as well as how individual sentences and paragraphs are structured. Use those ideas as models for your own writing. Avoid reading free web fiction--at this point in your development as a writer, you risk picking up some bad habits from web fiction. You can return to reading web fiction once you've learned enough to identify errors.

2. Look for grammar and punctuation resources online. Read and absorb them until you thoroughly understand the rules. This step is going to be hard, and will likely take some time. Go beyond just grammar guides and look for writing guides and advice as well. There are a lot of resources out there. Most of it is somewhere between decent and good. Some resources are a bit questionable, but if you see the same advice on multiple sites, it's probably valid.

3. Spellchecker. [EDIT: It looks like you may have done this?]

4. Normally I don't recommend using Grammarly, because for me, it tries to introduce far more errors than it eliminates. However, if there are a bunch of errors already, it might be helpful. The big problem here is that Grammarly should be the last step. You can't depend on it to solve everything for you. You have to do steps 1 and 2 above to give yourself a solid foundation, and then Grammarly may help you catch more specific issues. You'll also want to learn enough so that you'll know when *not* to take Grammarly's advice.

This post isn't meant to discourage you. Every writer is always trying to improve. That's why those resources are out there. It takes time, but it's worth it in the end.

Re: What am I missing:

1. I'm not a fan of First POV present tense, primarily for the fact that I used to do a lot of critiques of novice writers back in the day and 1st Present almost always had the same common mistake of shifting between present and past tense. I will usually drop a story based on it being 1st POV, present tense alone. It's jarring and breaks the flow of the story. You shift between 1st and 3rd POV in several spots as well as shift into past tense. The most natural way for people to tell stories (that aren't about them) is past 3rd POV. This is also why it's the most common way for stories to be told. I'm not gonna suggest any changes because, again, I hate reading and writing in 1st present, I don't think that way. I'm not gonna tell you not to write in 1st present tense—it's a perfectly valid way of writing, just stating that I am not your target audience.

2. I'm just gonna link you to this guide on dialogue tags I wrote. Additionally, standard convention for thought is that it is italicized, spoken dialogue is put in quotes. Reading you break convention just makes it feel like your character is talking aloud to himself, which is clearly not your intention since you specify that they are thinking.

3. Like someone else said above, remove the "(EDIT)" from your chapter titles. Unless someone is super invested in your story, they likely aren't re-reading your edits and new readers won't have read your previous version so they don't really care. If it really is so important (as in you made major plot revisions), just start over with a fresh draft of your story. I do note that I've edited my chapters in the post-author notes (just the date of the edit and a 1 sentence of what changed, nothing crazy), but nothing more than that. Especially don't put the edit notes in the pre-chapter notes, again, it's clutter and first impressions matter.

4. You repeat yourself a lot, example:
Quote:Pondering to walk north or south, I could not decide which direction to go as my mind began to do some mental gymnastics. First, I began to mentally argue with myself, trying to figure out which way to go.

Those two sentences say the exact same thing.

5. You also lose your train of thought in some places:

Quote:The more I looked at the boots, pants, and armour I was wearing, the more they began to look awfully familiar. Then, with that sinking feeling in my gut, I started to feel sick, as if I was going to throw up.

Then next...

This reads as though there's some revelation your character just realized and you completely skip over it. Why did they get a sinking feeling in their gut? Why did they start to feel sick?

There are a lot of spots where you do that. We, the readers, aren't in your head, we don't know what you're thinking. It's your job as the author to keep track of the economy of information:

1. The information the author knows

2. The information the reader knows
3. The information the individual characters know
4. The information the narrator knows (the narrator isn't necessarily always the POV character, which is why I added this)

All 4 groups could have very different amounts of information. It's your job to keep track of who knows what and when you reveal that information. This comment chain (and even the thread) on reddit goes more indepth on the economy of information (u/CertifiedBlackGuy is me on reddit)

Re: What am I missing:

To be honest, I just don’t care for the 1st person point of view. I won’t read any stories in that perspective unless it’s a review swap. I would encourage you to write in 3rd person unless you’re just really passionate about 1st person. It can be extraordinarily difficult to pull off 1st person; and even those stories which do it really well don’t appeal to me. Hope this helps!

Re: What am I missing:

what is so appealing about 3rd person... You would rather see AS they descended they knew their instincts were on the mark. Rather then we descended and saw on our way down that our instincts were right? idk I can write perfectly fine in 3rd person .person 1 walked out of the tent and saw the stew was full of delicious vegetables lol but idk I just want to write a nice POV like sword art.