Re: Any tips on writing an action scene with magic?

#1
I am a newbie in writing as I just started around a few weeks ago. So here is the scene: After 1 hour it was my turn to fight Paul. I entered the arena. I decided to use Paul as a guinea pig on an experimental spell combo that I thought of earlier.
 After the start was signaled, I used shadow bind to restrict his movements and used paralyze to stop him from struggling away. Then I immediately threw a water ball which soaked his whole body then I casually walked towards him and used spark to render him unconscious.

This is just a draft since I don't know if it is good or not and need tips for this scene. 
So the MC does not need any equipment to help him cast spells since all he needs to do is concentrate and think of the spell he wants to cast while the opponent needs a staff to cast spells. 

Re: Any tips on writing an action scene with magic?

#2
Wow, nice start. I'm always happy to see a new author on the platform. Take what I say with a grain of salt, I'm not the perfect writer.  

Here is a list of feedback:

1--> one. Generally small numbers are written out. 

The scene could be more powerful if you showed the characters emotions. For example, you could show how the character feels while they are waiting for the fight to start. Are they nervous? Excited? Hungry? 

In the same vein, how does the character feel after winning the fight? 

It could be helpful to provide a short description of the arena. As it is now the characters are just floating in empty space. I have nothing to go off of to build a picture of the environment. 

Describe what Shadow Bind is. How does it restrict his movements and what does it look like. Same goes for the other spells. What exactly is Paralyze? Is it a glowing donut of energy or a lightning bolt? I haven't the faintest clue. (If you previously went into detail describing the spells, disregard my comment).

How do the spell's affect the Paul and the environment? Action -> Reaction.  

The main character absolutely destroys Paul in the fight. Is this intentional? If it is, that could be something to comment on in the narrative. 

Your last sentence has a lot going on, I would recommend splitting it up. 

Watch out for needless repetition of words. Ex: Then, After

I like the creativity of the spell combo, its pretty cool.

Good luck with your story, I hope your writing endeavors are successful.  DrakanPotato

Re: Any tips on writing an action scene with magic?

#3

Roto Wrote: Wow, nice start. I'm always happy to see a new author on the platform. Take what I say with a grain of salt, I'm not the perfect writer.  

Here is a list of feedback:

1--> one. Generally small numbers are written out. 

The scene could be more powerful if you showed the characters emotions. For example, you could show how the character feels while they are waiting for the fight to start. Are they nervous? Excited? Hungry? 

In the same vein, how does the character feel after winning the fight? 

It could be helpful to provide a short description of the arena. As it is now the characters are just floating in empty space. I have nothing to go off of to build a picture of the environment. 

Describe what Shadow Bind is. How does it restrict his movements and what does it look like. Same goes for the other spells. What exactly is Paralyze? Is it a glowing donut of energy or a lightning bolt? I haven't the faintest clue. (If you previously went into detail describing the spells, disregard my comment).

How do the spell's affect the Paul and the environment? Action -> Reaction.  

The main character absolutely destroys Paul in the fight. Is this intentional? If it is, that could be something to comment on in the narrative. 

Your last sentence has a lot going on, I would recommend splitting it up. 

Watch out for needless repetition of words. Ex: Then, After

I like the creativity of the spell combo, its pretty cool.

Good luck with your story, I hope your writing endeavors are successful.  DrakanPotato

Bloody hell, leave some advice for us to tell XD/s


In any case, with actions scenes, the general rule is to be descriptive, but not to over-describe. For example, and I'm just gonna write this on the fly; 

At the ring of the bell, I immediately launch a shadow bind spell, hampering Paul's movements and allowing me to prepare my next spell. Paul struggled within the bindings, trying to shake it off when I launched my next spell, a water ball that drenched him from head to toe. A loud cuss echoed in the arena as he slipped on the growing puddle, landing on his behind. 
Trying not to laugh aloud, I casually walked over to Paul, ignoring his cries of surrender and launching a spark spell at him, knocking him unconscious on the muddy ground...

Something like that, but I know someone is gonna kill me over this for being too rigid.

Re: Any tips on writing an action scene with magic?

#4

Roto Wrote: Wow, nice start. I'm always happy to see a new author on the platform. Take what I say with a grain of salt, I'm not the perfect writer.  

Here is a list of feedback:

1--> one. Generally small numbers are written out. 

The scene could be more powerful if you showed the characters emotions. For example, you could show how the character feels while they are waiting for the fight to start. Are they nervous? Excited? Hungry? 

In the same vein, how does the character feel after winning the fight? 

It could be helpful to provide a short description of the arena. As it is now the characters are just floating in empty space. I have nothing to go off of to build a picture of the environment. 

Describe what Shadow Bind is. How does it restrict his movements and what does it look like. Same goes for the other spells. What exactly is Paralyze? Is it a glowing donut of energy or a lightning bolt? I haven't the faintest clue. (If you previously went into detail describing the spells, disregard my comment).

How do the spell's affect the Paul and the environment? Action -> Reaction.  

The main character absolutely destroys Paul in the fight. Is this intentional? If it is, that could be something to comment on in the narrative. 

Your last sentence has a lot going on, I would recommend splitting it up. 

Watch out for needless repetition of words. Ex: Then, After

I like the creativity of the spell combo, its pretty cool.





Good luck with your story, I hope your writing endeavors are successful.  DrakanPotato

Quote:Shadow bind restricts you through your own shadow where multiple hands will appear and grab you.
Paralyze is a medium range electric spell but it does not deal damage just paralyzes you.
Spark is a short range weak lightning spell. That is the reason why he needs to make the opponent wet and has to close out the distance.
Water ball well the name literally describes the spell already.
The spells he used does not affect the environment around it except making it even more wet due to water ball.
The arena is made of concrete it has a circular shape, can house hundreds of audience and at the middle is a rectangular stage where they are going to fight.
The main character is confident about his spell combo since he was a avid gamer (mmorpg and rpg) and weeb in his past life.
The opponent is nervous since the main character did not show mercy in his earlier fights and he easily topped the group stages with a score of 7-0.
The reason why the main character destroys Paul is because of his training with his mother in an early age(4). He started basic mana control first after he mastered it in 2 years and his mother who is a former mage and adventurer taught him how to use tier 1 spells.
Most of the contestants here are non nobility and most likely did not have training and just passed the magic capacity exam. The magic capacity exam happens at the age of 6.


So the last line confused you so here is the explanation to it.
There are multiple types of casting spells:
The first one is the incantation type after saying the lines of fire, heed my call and incinerate my opponent, a fireball will appear and strike the opponent. This one died out due to silence spells. Silence spells makes the opponent shut the fuck up and they no longer could cast a spell.

The second and most popular is equipment based casting. Majority of mages uses some kind of staff or wand to help them cast spells. Their equipment will light whenever they cast spells.

The rarest form is the silent casting type. They just need to concentrate, accumulate mana, think of the spell they want to cast and a spell will appear without the aid of an incantation or equipment. They usually occupy important positions and recruited by the nobility or they marry into the noble/royal family. This one can be inherited from birth or just gain it as a talent through sheer luck.



Re: Any tips on writing an action scene with magic?

#5

PongOlarte Wrote: Shadow bind restricts you through your own shadow where multiple hands will appear and grab you. Paralyze is a medium range electric spell but it does not deal damage just paralyzes you. The arena is made of concrete, it has a circular shape and can house hundreds of audience. The main character is confident about his spell combo since he was a avid gamer (mmorpg and rpg) and weeb in his past life. The opponent is nervous since the main character did not show mercy in his earlier fights and he easily topped the group stages with a score of 7-0. The reason why the main character destroys Paul is because of his training with his mother in an early age. He started basic mana control first after he mastered it in 2 years and his mother who is a former mage and advenurer taught him how to use tier 1 spells. Most of the contestants here are non nobility and most likely did not have training and just passed the magic capacity exam.


In that case, emphasise the efficiency of the casting, spell usage, and the likes. If he had learned magic at such a young age, then he would also know what are the fastest way to win, and the mistakes that they themselves or an opponent could make.

Re: Any tips on writing an action scene with magic?

#6

Zearth Wrote:
PongOlarte Wrote: Shadow bind restricts you through your own shadow where multiple hands will appear and grab you. Paralyze is a medium range electric spell but it does not deal damage just paralyzes you. The arena is made of concrete, it has a circular shape and can house hundreds of audience. The main character is confident about his spell combo since he was a avid gamer (mmorpg and rpg) and weeb in his past life. The opponent is nervous since the main character did not show mercy in his earlier fights and he easily topped the group stages with a score of 7-0. The reason why the main character destroys Paul is because of his training with his mother in an early age. He started basic mana control first after he mastered it in 2 years and his mother who is a former mage and advenurer taught him how to use tier 1 spells. Most of the contestants here are non nobility and most likely did not have training and just passed the magic capacity exam.


In that case, emphasise the efficiency of the casting, spell usage, and the likes. If he had learned magic at such a young age, then he would also know what are the fastest way to win, and the mistakes that they themselves or an opponent could make.

I edited my answer and did not know you already replied to it so can you please read it again.


Re: Any tips on writing an action scene with magic?

#7
In addition to the other feedback, I'd highly recommend that you don't name the spells when they're being used, and never ever say "I used [name of spell]."

It might be okay to say "I was trying to learn a fireball spell" if that's an actual defined thing the PoV character is trying to learn, but in the middle of a fight, don't ever say "I used fireball."

Instead, say something like, "I thrust my hand forward and a spout of flame [or 'ball of fire'] erupted on the hilltop before me. The man standing there screeched in agony, then dropped to the dirt and rolled, trying to put out the flames consuming his clothing."

That's just a rough first pass, but I think it relays the idea.

Re: Any tips on writing an action scene with magic?

#8

PongOlarte Wrote:
Zearth Wrote:
PongOlarte Wrote: Shadow bind restricts you through your own shadow where multiple hands will appear and grab you. Paralyze is a medium range electric spell but it does not deal damage just paralyzes you. The arena is made of concrete, it has a circular shape and can house hundreds of audience. The main character is confident about his spell combo since he was a avid gamer (mmorpg and rpg) and weeb in his past life. The opponent is nervous since the main character did not show mercy in his earlier fights and he easily topped the group stages with a score of 7-0. The reason why the main character destroys Paul is because of his training with his mother in an early age. He started basic mana control first after he mastered it in 2 years and his mother who is a former mage and advenurer taught him how to use tier 1 spells. Most of the contestants here are non nobility and most likely did not have training and just passed the magic capacity exam.


In that case, emphasise the efficiency of the casting, spell usage, and the likes. If he had learned magic at such a young age, then he would also know what are the fastest way to win, and the mistakes that they themselves or an opponent could make.

I edited my answer and did not know you already replied to it so can you please read it again.

Well, ya, I did, but I'm just framing the idea to you. 

Re: Any tips on writing an action scene with magic?

#9
Use more words :) This is a bit too short, too condensed. Bring in emotion, expressions, the surroundings, the crowd reactions, our main character's thoughts, how the spells look like, are they fast or slow, which color, stuff like that. Details. Which one is difficult to cast, and exhausts a lot of mana, and which ones are easy.

Also, if the shadow bind only restricts movement, why didn't the opponent react with some spell of his own? 

If his arms are also tied up, describe it. (I thought only his legs are wrapped to the floor, when I read this, so I was slightly confused) 

Re: Any tips on writing an action scene with magic?

#10

Ararara Wrote: Use more words :) This is a bit too short, too condensed. Bring in emotion, expressions, the surroundings, the crowd reactions, our main character's thoughts, how the spells look like, are they fast or slow, which color, stuff like that. Details. Which one is difficult to cast, and exhausts a lot of mana, and which ones are easy.

Also, if the shadow bind only restricts movement, why didn't the opponent react with some spell of his own? 

If his arms are also tied up, describe it. (I thought only his legs are wrapped to the floor, when I read this, so I was slightly confused)



Spell mastery dictates how fast you can cast it, efficient it is (mana cost vs time spent casting), and how powerful the spell is.
So don't expect you can just cast a fireball instantaneously on your first try it basically takes hard work and perseverance to reach instantaneous casting.
Spell mastery is affected by how talented the individual is. Others will master most spells at a faster rate and others will just specialize and learn certain spells faster than anyone but, will learn other spells at a slower rate.
Once you have mastered a certain spell like water ball you are able to cast it instantaneously and customize it using your creativity.

Default range of spells. Short= 0-4 meters. Medium= 5-100 meters. long=100 meters and above.
Ok, so the water ball is a slow long-range spell, blue color, the name says the shape already, low mana cost, takes 7 seconds for him to cast.
Paralyze has a yellow color, extremely fast medium-range spell, the shape is small jagged lightning, low mana cost, takes 18 seconds to cast as he just learned it 9 days ago.
Spark has a white color, extremely fast short-range spell, the shape is a bolt of small lightning, low mana cost, takes 7 seconds to cast.
Shadow bind has a black color (including the arms), fast medium-range spell, low mana cost, takes 20 seconds to cast as he just learned it in a book a day before the fight.

Before the participants entered the arena they could already hear the crowd cheering. 
Once they have entered the arena they are greeted by the warm sunny weather and blue sky.
The main character is confident about his experimental combo. His eyes flashing with excitement and a broad smile.
 Paul is quite nervous, sweating a lot and frowning. (he watched our MC in the group stage and saw him dominate his opponents using fireball only)
They stepped into the center stage which has a rectangular shape and made of cement in the middle an imperial mage is standing.
There is a 10-meter distance between the main character and Paul.
Allegations of cheating by the MC are spreading quickly around the crowd but, are quickly dismissed by the imperial mage who is also acting as a referee.
The imperial mage asked the crowd to be silent and signals the start of the fight.
"I should stick to the plan and react based on the actions of my opponent," I thought.
I started casting shadow bind and fixed my gaze on my opponent's staff.
His staff begins to glow as he prepared to cast a spell. 
12 seconds passed and he hurled a ball of fire towards me. I could feel the air heating around me as it went near me. I dodge it quite easily and it exploded behind me.
My opponent made a frustrated face as his spell missed and begin to prepare another spell.
Before he could finish casting his spell. My spell shadow bind has finished casting. Multiple shadow hands appeared on his shadow, grabbed both of his ankles to stop him from moving away, and the rest latched onto his wrists further restraining his movements.  I begin casting paralyze to make sure he does not break free from shadow bind.
He started to panic and lose concentration as multiple shadow hands restricted his movements. He thrashed around trying to break free but, failed when he was struck by a small jagged yellow lightning leaving him paralyzed.
I drenched him head to toe using water ball and immediately closed the distance. I launched a white small bolt of lightning knocking him unconscious.
I was declared the winner by the imperial mage but, the crowd did not accept my victory and demanded an investigation whether I cheated or not.
"He must have used some sort of scroll and hid it somewhere," someone in the crowd shouted.
"There is no way he won without cheating since the last time someone pretended to be a silent casting type. He was caught using scrolls to win a tournament," someone added.
The crowd began to throw stuff at me and I was quickly shielded by the imperial mage and said, "Everyone please calm down! We will launch a thorough investigation whether he cheated or not so we will postpone the qualifiers until we finish the investigation."
I was dragged by the imperial mage out of the stage and into the main office inside the arena.
Three imperial mages are inside the office, they stripped search me for any illegal items like scrolls but, they found nothing.
A female imperial mage dragged me this time into a practice yard and in the middle is a dummy.
She pointed at the dummy and said, "Set that dummy on fire using fireball, I will be watching you carefully while you do it, and if you failed you will be immediately kicked out of the contest." The same three imperial mages are watching me from a distance in case I try something funny.
I begin to sweat profusely from the pressure. I hold my hands together to stop them from shaking and took 3 deep breathes to relieve nervousness.
I closed my eyes and started casting a fireball. It took me 12 seconds to hurl a ball of fire at the dummy and setting it ablaze.
"Fuck! This kid is actually a legitimate silent caster," the female imperial mage said.
"Can I go now?" I asked.
"Yes, you may go now since you are acquitted from any cheating allegations," she replied.
I went back to the hallway to wait for the next match.