Re: POV Changes

#1
Hi, I started writing a year ago and my general feedback from other authors is that I am doing great :-)

My Problem is: I don't know shit about writing 

I see that I have one problem about too many POVs in my story and I want to change that.

But there are some chapters where I think many different POVs are damn interesting. I wanted to know what you think about the newest chapter which has 3 POVs (Sieg and Haylee being the important one):

   
††† Sally †††
 
The campfire's crackling was the fitting background music to the hearty atmosphere in their little shelter. It was a joy to watch the others sharing stories, joking and laughing with each other for Sally. It felt unconstrained and honest. The mood was contagious enough to let even her relax a bit as she munched on a piece of roasted bear meat.
Haylee, in particular, was a joy to observe for Sally. The cat-girl's vibrant bearing made her seem so unrestricted, so free. The way she giggled, cheered and expressed herself with animated movements to every emotion.
"Do I have something on my face?" Haylee asked nonchalantly, pointing at her cheek.
Sally felt her face heating up as she realised she had been staring with a dumb smile all the time. "I— Uhm, I wasn't—"
The group broke out into roaring laughter, and Sally instantly had to join them. She still felt her skin glowing from embarrassment, but somehow it didn't bother her. She laughed with all her heart until she had to wipe tears from her eyes. And then she laughed a bit more, even as the others gradually calmed down.
It felt so liberating.
Then a short hiccup intermitted her giggling, and Sally felt her eyes water again. She covered her mouth with one hand against the last snicker and closed her eyes, feeling the tears rolling down her cheek onto her fingers. She didn't cry. She wasn't sad. She was overwhelmed.
After wiping away the tears, Sally still smiled brightly. "Sorry for that. I just can't remember the last time I laughed like this," she explained.
There were no judgmental stares, only varying degrees of understanding, curiosity and amusement.
Sally huffed with contentment. "In a way, I'm delighted that I finally turned my back on the Red Brigade," she admitted. "Even if my time now might be short, I've never felt so free in my life. I don't have to hide who I am or what I think in front of you. Neither do I have to keep any grand secrets— it doesn't change anything if I tell after all. So, thank you," Sally said, bowing her head.
Haylee practically beamed at the enforcer. But to her surprise, it was Siegfried who spoke up. "I guess that has to do with how enforcers can't lie to each other. No one should have to hide who they are in front of everyone," he said with his usual stern glare. "And I will never judge you for being who you are, only for what you do," the warrior added in a friendly tone that seemed almost off to Sally, being accompanied by that intimidating glare.
But she was grateful nonetheless.
"Now, time is flying by, and you still have to finish half of that clawbear, Sieg. Chop, Chop!" Jake called out, eliciting a dejected sigh from Siegfried, who had his grand speech ruined by the healer.
Haylee snorted while Rak eyed both the clawbear and Sieg with suspicion.
Only when the bulky shapeshifter reached for his sword to cut some more meat of the animal did Sally raise an eyebrow at Jake. "That was a joke, right?"
"How do you think he got that big?" Haylee snickered. "In the city they had to butcher a cow every day to keep him fed," she burst out with more laughter.
Jake joined in right away, and even Sieg failed to completely hide his own smile.
After a short cough, Siegfried elaborated, "It's not really my appetite or something," he put his chin into his fist. "But I'm not sure if I should tell you more either."
"NO! I don't need to know it!" Jessie cried out automatically.
Silence fell about the group while everyone was staring at her.
"I—," Sally thought for the right words, "I don't need to know any specifics about your ability," she voiced carefully. "And I would suggest not to share it with anyone you love, Siegfried."
"What do you mean with that?" Siegfried shot out harshly. Faster than Sally could have reacted, the warrior's fist struck out and clenched around her neck. "What do you know? What happened to Josh?"
In the heat of the moment, Sally nearly pulled on her magic. A short red glow emanated from her for a second and was gone just as quickly. "Stop, please!" Sally croaked as Siegfried pushed her against the tree. She knew he could end her in an instant, pinning her against the tree with countless spikes as he did with Damon.
"I know that he is most likely okay! He fooled them and will be hiding by now!"
"Elaborate!" Sieg shouted.
Jake was already moving in position behind the warrior, as was Haylee. But Sally knew they would not be able to react on time. Siegfried's inhuman strength would allow him to just snap her neck before anyone could respond.
I don’t know much," Sally croaked, trying to lift her gaze to look Siegfried in the eyes, "I heard we were to avoid him because he roused the whole guard!"
Sieg lessened his grip, and Sally fell to the ground, coughing and trying to get some air back into her lungs.
Jake was instantly with her, putting his hands across her back, and the lack of air vanished with his touch.
"Are you happy now?" Jake roared at Siegfried. "Was that enough information to calm your fucking sad Ego?
"Shut up, Jake!" Haylee shouted. Her voice was so full of hatred that neither Jake nor Sally dared to raise their voice while Siegfried stomped away.
"I will follow him, and the rest of you follows in a thirty-minute distance. Is that clear?" Haylee demanded. She got instant confirmation from the rest of the team before storming after Siegfried.
 
††† Haylee †††
 
Haylee had to change into her feline form to keep up. Siegried burst through the underbrush like a bull in heat. The sound of the cracking branches and twigs would alert any dangerous beings in the vicinity.
But Siegfried knew that. Haylee knew that he knew, and there was not a chance in hell that he didn't remember. The conclusion was that he did it on purpose. He chose to attract potential enemies. He wanted to fight, and maybe even to kill.
Haylee understood his desire better than anyone. But she also knew that this path wasn't meant for him. Whatever he went through, he came out of it as a better man than she did as a woman. He kept his morals even after he was tortured and lost his sister.
She would not let him lose himself over a minor emotion like that now.
Haylee was racing through the green just a few steps away from Siegfried. She jumped ahead and positioned herself directly in his path and changed into a partly human form.
Even though she knew that Sieg would stop, her heart was beating faster as she heard the heavy thumps of his steps growing near while the foliage broke in every direction.
"Stoooop!" Haylee cried, just before Sieg crashed into her… or maybe through her.
"Stop it, goddess dammit, Sieg!" she cried as Siegfried put both feet into the ground, burrowing up a mountain of earth before he came to a stop.
"Stop, now!" Haylee shouted again, hitting Siegfried with the most severe glare she had in reserve. And Siegfried stopped.
It was already night. Haylee knew that Siegfried could hardly see her. But his eyes seemed to burn through her soul like always. Those discoloured twin orbs always focused her even in the shadow of the Trees. She couldn't help herself from shivering under that gaze. But for her, it wasn't an uncomfortable feeling, alien as it was.
"Stop, please," she whispered again, sinking to her knees.
"Please, Siegfried, this is not your path." She begged. "Please!"
 
††† Siegfried †††
 
Siegfried still felt the tremor of despair. Yes, he knew that it was not hatred that fueled him. And that made it all the more frustrating that he couldn't vent it with Haylee in his way.
"Step aside," He intoned slowly. His muscles were strained to the limit, a limit he had never achieved before. He was strong. Stronger than any human had a right to be. And he needed to use that strength right now to kill something, or he would kill Sally.
The lithe cat-girl stood in front of him, both arms stretched to the side in a show of confidence that he knew she had not.
Haylee shivered as he spoke those two words. But she didn't move. Instead, she glared at him with an intensity that he had not seen before in her eyes.
"No," was all she said. It wasn't even very convincing. Siegfried felt the tremor in her voice. She was afraid.
She was afraid of him but still opted to stay in his way to keep him from doing something dumb that could kill him.
Siegfried stayed in his crouching position, focusing all of his being on her body language. His instincts did not mislead him. The vein on her delicate neck was pulsing too quickly. Her feline ears twitched slightly in the same rhythm. Even the jerkily moving trail betrayed her agitation quickly.
But her eyes did not show fear like a dying man would. Her eyes showed the same fear he saw in Josh's eyes when he first changed. The same fear he felt after Katharina was kidnapped. Haylee did not fear for her life. She feared for his life.

-------------



What do you think? Should I really write all of that only from Sieg's perspective?

Re: POV Changes

#3

cmr Wrote: I think you'd be fine if you kept with Sally's POV for the scene labeled 'Sally'. So a bit of rewriting there.

The 'Haylee' scene looks good - you stick to her viewpoint. I didn't notice any jumping around.

In the Siegfried scene, just two little changes:

Haylee shivered as he spoke those two words.
He saw Haylee shiver as he spoke those two words.

Haylee did not fear for her life.
He knew Haylee did not fear for her life.

Hope this is some use.
awesome, that's exactly what I missed - thanks 

Re: POV Changes

#5
Hmm, it always depends on the scene. If it is a slow one, it is not a problem to have multiple POVs. In an action sequence, it would ruin the flow and tension. I must confess, it is a pet peeve of mine, I go ballistic when I see the name of the narrating character written before their narration. I somehow feel that the author thinks me too stupid to understand who is narrating. I know that isn't the case, and that it is done for the readers' convenience, but I can't help it. For me, it breaks the flow even further and indicates that the author is not confident in their ability to convey the thoughts/narrations of different people in a clearly distinctive manner. 
For what is worth, I sometimes like sliding from one point of view into another (though it might be viewed as a writer's sin...). Here an example:


Quote:
It felt like a bolt of lightning struck him. Noah's vision clouded. His ears rang as if a large hammer was hitting on an anvil. It was all his fault! This was a curse! Everything he touched, everything he held dear, was robbed from him, drowned in blood and ash. Everyone he loved died – his mother, his sisters, his friends. And now the Gods wanted to take away his wife and daughter too. This wasn’t fair! If this was a punishment for his sins, why were others dying and he was remaining alive?

An unexpected gust of wind ruffled his hair. The man felt someone kneeling beside him and turned his head around. Two night-black eyes filled with a myriad of stars looked down on him from Gregor’s face. A slender hand touched Noah’s brow.

You surely overdid it this time. Your body is on the verge of collapsing. Rest now, little brother. When you wake up, everything will be fine.”

G-Gerash…” Noah felt his tongue thick and sluggish. His eyelids fluttered as he was trying to fight the hex.

“Sleep, little brother! The child will be fine, and so will be the lady of your heart.”

But Noah didn’t hear his friend’s last words. Defeated by the hex and the piled-up fatigue, he sank into a dreamless sleep.

Gregor stood up and rubbed his neck.

Not exactly hale and hearty either, this one.” He turned around to his mother and the rest of the guards, who had all dropped on the ground, heads pressed to the floor. “Keep a good eye on them while I’m gone.”

“As you order!” came the chorus reply.

Gregor just nodded and with a quick step left the room.

Noone noticed that right at that moment two red, tear-shaped amulets on Shana's chest were giving out faint silver light.