Re: Help me with cropping down an R18 Chapter?

#1
Hi All,

I started writing a year ago and my first book is finished. I want to edit it one last time before selling on amazon.

Contrary to my original expectations, I only have one erotic scene and I could definitely crop it out to make it readable for younger ppl too,

The problem is: where do I stop?

The only thing that is necessary for the main story is that the MC gets a flashback of him being tortured at that moment.

Short summary: Siegfried has been rescued by the shapeshifter "Eurydike". She nursed him back to health and then helps him to wash himself in a bathtub.

before that, he had a flashback once that sent him into a frenzy:

"Yes, this is what I want to see! That expression of pure despair — the terror of having to watch it happen, unable to act on it. This is what I was longing for. How long will you be able to bear it before your spirit breaks?"


And when Eurydike starts to massage him in the bath he suddenly gets a short flashback again:
-----
His muscles were tense like iron from the past day, and the woman clearly knew what she was doing.

How long will you be able to bear it before your spirit breaks?

He tensed up even more. Why had he have to think of this now of all times!

-----

The thing is: that was a sentence of a mysterious being when he was tortured as a 16year old (comes later in the story) and now he has sex with Eurydike and the readers finds out (MUCH later) that Eurydike is really the being that tortured him and his sister. That should create another "WTF" moment in my book.

The problem is: as it is the only sex scene in book one, it is not really necessary to write any detailed sex at all.
So where do I stop?


This is where I should stop before it gets sexual:

"Are you going to strip now, or will you hop in with those leather pants on?" Eurydike teased. Pulled out of his thoughts, Siegfried made a show of confidently taking off the rest of his clothes. Shyness was never a trait of his character, and he could play that game as well. He stepped into the bathtub and stifled a moan as his muscles slowly relaxed a fraction in the warm water.
"Mhm, your lower parts seem to be just as healthy as the rest of your body," the provoking blonde stated with amusement while walking behind the tub. Sieg just wanted to reply that she could join him when he felt a set of delicate fingers sprawl around his shoulders and start to massage them. This time he couldn't suppress a slight moan. His muscles were tense like iron from the past day, and the woman clearly knew what she was doing.

How long will you be able to bear it before your spirit breaks?

He tensed up even more. Why do I have to think of this now of all times!
"Hey, relax a bit, young man. Put your worries to rest for a moment."
"I know, I'm okay, Eurydike."
"No, you are not, Siegfried. After everything that happened in the past days and the resulting uncertainty of the future, you cannot be okay. Even if your body is already recovering, you haven't let your mind loosen up at all," the perceptive shapeshifter declared. And she was right. Accepting that insight, he gradually let himself go and directed his full attention to her tender ministrations. He closed his eyes and revelled in the feeling of weightlessness in the water and the relief of his muscles whenever Eurydike found a knot and loosened it.




And here is the full version:


"Are you going to strip now, or will you hop in with those leather pants on?" Eurydike teased. Pulled out of his thoughts, Siegfried made a show of confidently taking off the rest of his clothes. Shyness was never a trait of his character, and he could play that game as well. He stepped into the bathtub and stifled a moan as his muscles slowly relaxed a fraction in the warm water.
"Mhm, your lower parts seem to be just as healthy as the rest of your body," the provoking blonde stated with amusement while walking behind the tub. Sieg just wanted to reply that she could join him when he felt a set of delicate fingers sprawl around his shoulders and start to massage them. This time he couldn't suppress a slight moan. His muscles were tense like iron from the past day, and the woman clearly knew what she was doing.

How long will you be able to bear it before your spirit breaks?

He tensed up even more. Why do I have to think of this now of all times!
"Hey, relax a bit, young man. Put your worries to rest for a moment."
"I know, I'm okay, Eurydike."
"No, you are not, Siegfried. After everything that happened in the past days and the resulting uncertainty of the future, you cannot be okay. Even if your body is already recovering, you haven't let your mind loosen up at all," the perceptive shapeshifter declared. And she was right. Accepting that insight, he gradually let himself go and directed his full attention to her tender ministrations. He closed his eyes and revelled in the feeling of weightlessness in the water and the relief of his muscles whenever Eurydike found a knot and loosened it. When she moved to his pectoral muscles, the tightness in his chest slowly lessened under her magic hands.
"You are a woman of many talents, it seems," he praised her skill.
"Oh, you haven't seen anything yet," she replied mysteriously while moving down further, "did you know that massaging the stomach can relieve stress?" She leaned even farther over him from behind the bathtub, and Siegfried felt ten soft, electrifying lines stream down his abdomen where her fingernails touched his skin. Calmness gave way to arousal at the sudden change of treatment, and he opened his eyes again. He was greeted with the sight of her low-cut shirt and a pair of perfectly shaped breasts, nearly spilling out of it. Looking further to the curls of blonde hair hanging down from her head, he found a coy smile directed at him and beautiful, intelligent eyes sparkling with mischief.
"I have to admit, this bath really does wonders for distracting my mind from my concerns. The water is just magical - you should try it too," he invited her.
"Hmm, maybe I should," the confident woman agreed while moving to the right of the tub. "It's been a hard day for me, too, after all." She turned away from Sieg and slowly pulled her shirt over her head. Her fair skin seemed to be a shade paler than the day before and almost glowed under his gaze. Everything from the form of her slender, arched back to the alluring swell of her hips, hidden under the skirt, to her toned legs was sculpted to feminine perfection. Well, she was a shapeshifter, after all.
Siegfried's thoughts came to a stop, however, when she bent over and removed her skirt, giving him an excellent view of the most enticing, full backside he had ever laid eyes on.
The fact that she did not wear any undergarments made it clear that the sly woman had planned this from the start. Sieg had to smirk at the idea while drinking in the view as she turned around again. He had propped himself up a bit in the long bathtub and shamelessly enjoyed the show as Eurydike walked up to him.
She set one slender, toned leg in the water next to his waist and, facing away from him, elegantly swung the other leg over his other side, straddling him right in front of his full erection. The perspective was beyond tempting, but he withstood the urge to just take her there and then.
The experienced woman was clearly playing with him, and he wouldn`t let her win this easily. She cast a captivating glance over the shoulder and slowly laid back against him, only half in the water. In the wake of all the teasing, every contact of their skin sent a tingling sensation through Siegfried's body. The soft-skinned beauty pressed herself against the muscles of his torso while her hands explored his sides. She cocked her head, barely reaching his chin, to the side to look him in the eyes as she hummed in satisfaction.
When her gaze lowered to his lips, Sieg bent down, straining his abdominal muscles to kiss her. Eurydike purred— because of the kiss or the feeling of his flexing muscles, he didn't know. Her lips were soft and full, and as she parted them even a little bit, his restrain slipped for a spell. A victorious, muffled snicker accompanied the overeager reaction as he claimed a deeper, passionate kiss and let his hands roam over her taut stomach.
It seemed the coquettish blonde was enjoying herself too as she arched her back, guiding him by body language to put those hands to better use.
As Sieg found his rhythm again, he concentrated solely on giving that heavenly pair of flesh some love, using all the expertise he gained in the past years. The efforts were well received, judging from the husky moans against his lips.
As expected, the playful woman decided to step up her game as well. And he shivered with enjoyment as she finally gave his, by now painfully hard, manhood some attention, compressing it between the hot space of her tights and lower lips. Although they had not progressed to the last stage, the pleasure transcended anything he experienced before as she started undulating her hips, coating them both in her moist arousal. It wasn't long until his breathing accelerated, and Eurydike parted from the kiss to reward him with a self-assured smile.
That smile transformed into a sharp gasp as Sieg moved his waist slightly forward to reach a different angle and slid vertically through her lips to brush against the sensitive pearl above. It took all of his willpower to bring himself down from the edge again, her sweet moans just heightening the affair, but he was determined to show the overconfident shapeshifter that he was not just any young man.
At least until she aimed for another angle as well, and he felt his whole length plunge into her hot, slick depts in a single thrust, nearly surrendering right then and there. Sieg's voice joined Eurydike's as a burst of raw pleasure all but overwhelmed them like a massive wave of euphoria, sweeping them away. It was nothing short of a miracle that rescued him from the brink once more, and he slowly started to pump his hips again, searching for the most sensitive place inside her.
A cry of ecstasy rewarded his striving, her body starting to convulse. While drawing near his own climax, Sieg suddenly felt the lubricious walls around him tighten like a slippery, warm vice of flesh around his glans. He exploded in a high that was like nothing he felt before in his life. Pressing Eurydike's body into his own with his powerful arms, he held on like a drowning man as they both rode out their orgasm.
†††
After a few minutes of recovering their breath, Eurydike gave him a last kiss and trailed down the outline of his chin with a delicate finger. "Ah, that was more than I had anticipated," She purred in her fruity tone, "you really did manage to take my mind to the heavens."
Siegfried laughed in exhaustion. "I'm honoured by your questionable compliment," he took another deep breath to calm down, "but I honestly must know, what by the goddess was that intense feeling at the end?"
"That, my dear, was the skill of a vastly experienced shapeshifter," she answered with a wink.
Sieg let out a satisfied chuckle, thinking of how he graduated from 'boy' to 'my dear'.

Re: Help me with cropping down an R18 Chapter?

#3
I can't say I'm any good as a reviewer, but I can tell you what I prefer to do. 

My mantra for sex scene is always this: sometimes less is more. Leave something for the imagination. And I tend to call body parts by their names too, just to prevent the awkwardness of metaphors (and sometimes my metaphors aren't good). 

Or you can just not use those words ever, and focus more on the emotional and sensational aspects of the scene. Describe a touch, how it lingers. How her fingers dip into the curve of flesh, and how the pulse quickened. How a kiss was sweet and slick, how her lips was velvet, how her nails were glass, and how pain is a distant memory. 

And then you ring the bell for that plot twist. How her voice was familiar, how the body remembers, and it almost flinches when it supposed to crave. 

I'd also keep dirty talk brief and curt and brusque, because I feel like they have more impact then. 

"Eager, are we?"

"Down, boy." 

"Ah, now that wasn't so bad, was it?"

In short, describe less the act of fucking and more the sensations and feelings of it, ya know? But that's just the way I like to do it. And usually, it's PG too if you don't use any body parts or sex words in it. 

Re: Help me with cropping down an R18 Chapter?

#4

Tower Wrote: I can't say I'm any good as a reviewer, but I can tell you what I prefer to do. 

My mantra for sex scene is always this: sometimes less is more. Leave something for the imagination. And I tend to call body parts by their names too, just to prevent the awkwardness of metaphors (and sometimes my metaphors aren't good). 

Or you can just not use those words ever, and focus more on the emotional and sensational aspects of the scene. Describe a touch, how it lingers. How her fingers dip into the curve of flesh, and how the pulse quickened. How a kiss was sweet and slick, how her lips was velvet, how her nails were glass, and how pain is a distant memory. 

And then you ring the bell for that plot twist. How her voice was familiar, how the body remembers, and it almost flinches when it supposed to crave. 

I'd also keep dirty talk brief and curt and brusque, because I feel like they have more impact then. 

"Eager, are we?"

"Down, boy." 

"Ah, now that wasn't so bad, was it?"

In short, describe less the act of fucking and more the sensations and feelings of it, ya know? But that's just the way I like to do it. And usually, it's PG too if you don't use any body parts or sex words in it.

Thanks, but as said above - I need to decide where to stop BEFORE it gets too hot

Re: Help me with cropping down an R18 Chapter?

#5
How hot is too hot?

I'm not too sure, maybe because I'm biased. But I feel like to properly present the hint, if it were me, I would go through with the scene anyway, and cut out all the sex details. You can describe it lightly enough that it can just be sensual, then you can put the hint among all of that. 

That's just how I'd do it. 

But if you really want to just cut it out, I'd suggest cutting it off right at her invitation. Just the right amount of coy, me thinks. 

Re: Help me with cropping down an R18 Chapter?

#6

Tower Wrote: How hot is too hot?

I'm not too sure, maybe because I'm biased. But I feel like to properly present the hint, if it were me, I would go through with the scene anyway, and cut out all the sex details. You can describe it lightly enough that it can just be sensual, then you can put the hint among all of that. 

That's just how I'd do it. 

But if you really want to just cut it out, I'd suggest cutting it off right at her invitation. Just the right amount of coy, me thinks.

Good advice, thx!