Advice/Thought On Novel Summary
I'm aiming for something that hints at the whimsical side of the heroes, unwittingly faced with their dark, dramatic counterparts, but without relying on revealing the plot, since that itself is a mystery that is unfolded throughout the book.
Gardening, cooking, innovation, preservation, charity events... Madzistrale, Tom and Gabzryel does it all. But when they encounter the mysterious Shiakar Paradigm Society, a clash of paradigms ensues. Although both groups are aiming to make humanity stand stronger, their ideals and methods could not be further apart. Determining the answer to the question of which side is right or wrong, is a struggle that both parties must resolve.
I feel something's missing. That's the general gist I want the summary to go, but I can't find how to word it better...
You don't reveal anything about the affiliation of your main characters other than that they are not part of the Shiakar Paradigm Society. This puts their status and their conflict into question. Your summary makes it sound like they are equals, but why? It sounds like there is something spicy there. How is a group of three people "aiming to make humanity stand stronger?" Are they demigods? If the characters are closer to ordinary humans I think your summary would benefit from being more veiled about the SPS because in that case they are three fairly normal (charitable) people going against what I assume is a secret society, which is imposing and scary. As it stands it is hard for me to gauge the stakes. By extension, it's hard for me to gauge my investment.
Quote:Gardening, cooking, innovation, preservation, charity events... Madzistrale, Tom and Gabzryel of the ____ do it all. But when they encounter the mysterious Shiakar Paradigm Society, a clash of paradigms ensues. Although both groups aim to make humanity stronger, their ideals and methods could not be further apart. Determining
the answer to the question ofwhich side is right or wrongis a struggle that both parties must resolve.
So, several points.
- I added a blank per the comment above about naming the group.
- I have cleaned it up a bit, but there are further comments below; I have underlined certain relevant portions above.
- You name one group with "Paradigm" then use "paradigm" in the same sentence, which is awkward. Between the two choices, personally I would remove it from the name of the group as that is overly pretentious.
- It sounds like both groups share the ideal of "make humanity stronger," but then you say they have different ideals. Consider more precisely what distinction you are trying to draw.
- The last sentence is super wordy. I would cut the parts I struck-through, but potentially I cut something you need for unknown reasons.
- Regarding the last sentence, are the parties struggling externally with each other, or are they struggling internally? It sounds like the latter, but I assume that since this is good vs. evil that it's supposed to be an external struggle. So potentially the sentence needs to be entirely reworked.
- Check the definition of "unwittingly."
You may have to elaborate a little more. There is very little to draw people in. In theory the 'I won't tell people much to stimulate their curiosity' works, but in practise it more often than not makes people skip your writing altogether. Nor do I get a feeling for the whimsical from it. I think it's the cooking and gardening thing? It works best if you start off a bit more serious and then lighten it up.
The blurb from Cinnamon Bun:
The world called out for a hero to purge it of a great evil. It received Broccoli Bunch, explorer, expert cleaner, occasional ghost-buster, and full time Cinnamon Bun.
From your current blurb, the one you want to replace, I get an urban fantasy vibe, but it's a bit heavy on the heavy and not enough whimsical if that was what you were aiming for. I suggest following the same basic idea.
Introduce danger (doomsday? no need to say more. The End Is Nigh), introduce hero (careful with the name throwing, do we really need to know the name of his friends already?), make fun of hero (and optionally the bad guys, the danger or the methods used)