Re: I need helping creating shorter chapters

#1
Yeah, that sounds wierd but its true. I think I use too many words, and I need much more concise words, that are more descriptive, instead of wasting my time by using more sentences and writing things out. I have a chapter im working on, that was orignally 5.5k words. I've cut it down to 3.3k words, but my aim is 2.3K MAX. 
What methods do you guys use to create shorter chapters if you have the same issues? I'm really struggling because I do not need these many pages @[email protected]

Re: I need helping creating shorter chapters

#2
Every scene of every chapter should have a purpose to the character or the story as a whole. 

As for word choice and sentence structure, it's hard to say. This kind of thing is learned by one through practice and reading. It's honed, not so easily given the answer. I could mention a few few vague generalities that may or may not apply to your writing, but I'd rather not. 

I recommend reading through your favorite stories for guidance in this regard. 

DrakanPotato

Re: I need helping creating shorter chapters

#3
One way to cut back on the number of words is to reduce the amount of description. Everything doesn't have to be described in great detail, only things important to the story. Readers can fill in the rest. Also not every conversation has to be included as dialogue. Finally, you don't have to include a step by step description of what characters are doing. You can use more general descriptions of activities and leave gaps for obvious events.

However, chapter length isn't as important as telling your story. Don't cut back on things the reader needs to know or break up chapters in the middle of something.

Re: I need helping creating shorter chapters

#4
I have taken the liberty of rewriting your blurb, as I am very good at doing both of the things you have mentioned -- writing insanely long and overly wordy stories, and editing out half of the words that I write. Nothing satisfies me more than killing words I don't need. I know I write sentences that are too long, that I use too much detail when describing scenes and I go overboard with dialogue. 

So I do it anyway, and then go through what I've written and kill half the words. Die words! Die! HAHAHAHA!

❤🦆😼❤
*ahem*

So anyway, on to your blurb.
Quote:200 years in the future Earth is inhabited by aliens races. 100 years after first being colonized by the Regal Empire and gaining independence, Earth now has alien hybrids.

They're called astrals, and have a range of abilities from silly, to useful, or dangerous, or bending reality itself. Ace is an astral, but he has the most boring and common ability of all: teleportation.

Ace wants to be a real man: Someone who can help others, and prove that he is smart (and not weak). Just because he's plain doesn't mean he's not as good as anyone else.
So, he joins the Defense Program, a coalition of different governments to defend themselves against the vindictive Regal Empire. (But most of the time they're just paid mercenaries.)

Ace tries his hardest, but his hardest is never enough.

One day he finds a magic watch. A watch that hates him.
His dreams of becoming a hero will finally come true.

He will be like the heroes in Greek tragedies that never learn their lesson, too focused on power and winning instead of doing right. Ace shall go through adventure after adventure after adventure, trying to understand what it truly means to be a hero . . . and what it means to be a man.


Okay. That is a lot of words. Do you know how many it is? It's a lot. More than what most people might read. Let's cut!


Earth has been colonized by aliens of the Regal Empire for the last two hundred years. Now, after regaining its independence, human/alien hybrids called astrals roam the land. They have a range of abilities, from boring to silly to useful. Ace has the most boring ability of them all: teleportation.

He joins the Defense Program to prove he's a man -- a coalition of world governments and paid mercenares who defend Earth against the vindictive Regal Empire. He tries his hardest but it's never enough, until he finds a magic watch and his dreams of becoming a hero come true.

But like the hero of a Greek tragedy, Ace focuses too much on power and winning, and not enough on what it means to be a man.


Okay! Lots less words, says what it needs. Right? First thing I will mention is that you spread your information over too many sentences.

200 years in the future Earth is inhabited by aliens... [A]fter... being colonized by the Regal Empire and gaining independence, Earth now has...  hybrids... called astrals.

Three sentences edited down to two, using less words.

Next, you use too many descriptors - you say the ABILITIES have a RANGE, and that they are BORING, SILLY, DANGEROUS, USEFUL and COMMON, and that two of the abilities are BENDING REALITY and TELEPORTATION.

That's eight descriptors to state that people have ABILITIES. I knocked it down to five. You could go further, if you like.

Next, you repeat certain key words and phrases too often. You say Ace wants to BE A MAN twice. You also say he wants to be a hero twice. Use also use the word HERO a third time, comparing Ace to Greek tragedy.

You also are redundant. You say TRIES HIS HARDEST BUT HIS HARDEST and you say ADVENTURE AFTER ADVENTURE AFTER ADVENTURE.

Finally, you overstate your objectives. You say Ace wants to BE A MAN and BE A HERO and HELP OTHERS. You also state that he wants to PROVE THAT HE IS SMART and prove that he is NOT WEAK and prove that he is AS GOOD AS ANYONE ELSE.

That is six objectives stated as reasons for joining the Defense Program. I got rid of half of them.

You are on the right track towards your goal of using fewer words to tell your story. I hope I've helped you further that endeavor. Realize that the word count in your story is precious. Every unimportant and redundant word and sentence and paragraph you get rid of leads you towards telling your story in an impactful and exciting way.

Good luck! ❤🦆😸❤

Re: I need helping creating shorter chapters

#5

ArDeeBurger Wrote: Earth has been colonized by aliens of the Regal Empire for the last two hundred years. Now, after regaining its independence, human/alien hybrids called astrals roam the land. They have a range of abilities, from boring to silly to useful. Ace has the most boring ability of them all: teleportation.

He joins the Defense Program to prove he's a man -- a coalition of world governments and paid mercenares who defend Earth against the vindictive Regal Empire. He tries his hardest but it's never enough, until he finds a magic watch and his dreams of becoming a hero come true.

But like the hero of a Greek tragedy, Ace focuses too much on power and winning, and not enough on what it means to be a man.

@Akata, of course you should continue to revise and refine ArDeeBurger's very helpful ( DrakanPotato) revised version.  Here are a number of questions to consider (but need not necessarily address in the synopsis):
  • Was Earth colonized for two hundred years, or is it the year 2221?  When was Earth first colonized? How long was the colonization until independence? Was the entirety of Earth subsumed to the Empire during its colony period? 
  • Are the astrals "roaming the land" out in the wilds? Or is it more that they are integrated into city life? (This is a word choice point).  
  • Why is teleportation boring? 
  • Also, spellcheck!
  • Presumably this is a mixed scifi and fantasy.
  • What does the magic watch do?
And finally an observation.  You have literally established that Ace (which arguably means "the best" or "number one") is a member of a group of human/alien hybrids (extraordinary) who have magical abilities (extraordinary) and he can teleport (extraordinary).  So trying to paint him as an average Joe who gets dragged into a hero's journey may have some believability issues. 

Re: I need helping creating shorter chapters

#6

ArDeeBurger Wrote: I have taken the liberty of rewriting your blurb, as I am very good at doing both of the things you have mentioned -- writing insanely long and overly wordy stories, and editing out half of the words that I write. Nothing satisfies me more than killing words I don't need. I know I write sentences that are too long, that I use too much detail when describing scenes and I go overboard with dialogue. 

So I do it anyway, and then go through what I've written and kill half the words. Die words! Die! HAHAHAHA!

❤🦆😼❤
*ahem*

So anyway, on to your blurb.
Quote:200 years in the future Earth is inhabited by aliens races. 100 years after first being colonized by the Regal Empire and gaining independence, Earth now has alien hybrids.

They're called astrals, and have a range of abilities from silly, to useful, or dangerous, or bending reality itself. Ace is an astral, but he has the most boring and common ability of all: teleportation.

Ace wants to be a real man: Someone who can help others, and prove that he is smart (and not weak). Just because he's plain doesn't mean he's not as good as anyone else.
So, he joins the Defense Program, a coalition of different governments to defend themselves against the vindictive Regal Empire. (But most of the time they're just paid mercenaries.)

Ace tries his hardest, but his hardest is never enough.

One day he finds a magic watch. A watch that hates him.
His dreams of becoming a hero will finally come true.

He will be like the heroes in Greek tragedies that never learn their lesson, too focused on power and winning instead of doing right. Ace shall go through adventure after adventure after adventure, trying to understand what it truly means to be a hero . . . and what it means to be a man.


Okay. That is a lot of words. Do you know how many it is? It's a lot. More than what most people might read. Let's cut!


Earth has been colonized by aliens of the Regal Empire for the last two hundred years. Now, after regaining its independence, human/alien hybrids called astrals roam the land. They have a range of abilities, from boring to silly to useful. Ace has the most boring ability of them all: teleportation.

He joins the Defense Program to prove he's a man -- a coalition of world governments and paid mercenares who defend Earth against the vindictive Regal Empire. He tries his hardest but it's never enough, until he finds a magic watch and his dreams of becoming a hero come true.

But like the hero of a Greek tragedy, Ace focuses too much on power and winning, and not enough on what it means to be a man.


Okay! Lots less words, says what it needs. Right? First thing I will mention is that you spread your information over too many sentences.

200 years in the future Earth is inhabited by aliens... [A]fter... being colonized by the Regal Empire and gaining independence, Earth now has...  hybrids... called astrals.

Three sentences edited down to two, using less words.

Next, you use too many descriptors - you say the ABILITIES have a RANGE, and that they are BORING, SILLY, DANGEROUS, USEFUL and COMMON, and that two of the abilities are BENDING REALITY and TELEPORTATION.

That's eight descriptors to state that people have ABILITIES. I knocked it down to five. You could go further, if you like.

Next, you repeat certain key words and phrases too often. You say Ace wants to BE A MAN twice. You also say he wants to be a hero twice. Use also use the word HERO a third time, comparing Ace to Greek tragedy.

You also are redundant. You say TRIES HIS HARDEST BUT HIS HARDEST and you say ADVENTURE AFTER ADVENTURE AFTER ADVENTURE.

Finally, you overstate your objectives. You say Ace wants to BE A MAN and BE A HERO and HELP OTHERS. You also state that he wants to PROVE THAT HE IS SMART and prove that he is NOT WEAK and prove that he is AS GOOD AS ANYONE ELSE.

That is six objectives stated as reasons for joining the Defense Program. I got rid of half of them.

You are on the right track towards your goal of using fewer words to tell your story. I hope I've helped you further that endeavor. Realize that the word count in your story is precious. Every unimportant and redundant word and sentence and paragraph you get rid of leads you towards telling your story in an impactful and exciting way.

Good luck! ❤🦆😸❤


Thanks! I fixed it! 
Quote:200 years in the future Earth is inhabited by aliens. After being colonized by the Regal Empire and gaining independence, Earth now has hybrids called astrals.
They have a range of abilities, from boring, useful, silly and reality-bending. Ace has the most common ability of them all: teleportation.
Ace tries his hardest, but his hardest is never enough, and is always worried he isn't as strong as everyone else, trying to prove he's a hero and a man.
One day he finds a magic watch. A watch that hates him.
His dreams of becoming a hero will finally come true. Sadly he is too focused on winning and never learns.

This is a story about horrible people. Ace happens to be one of the least horrible of them all.