Re: My narration feel weird

#2
OK, so the first things: 
I'm not sure many adults want their parents waving at them as they go in to the job interview AT the office location. - this is a story issue or perhaps a cultural one.

This is probably the single biggest issue in your first chapter:  You shift POV from 3rd to 1st person (He did X to I grabbed Y) with no warning or clear reason why.  I would recommend not switching like that.  Either stay with 3rd (He did X) or start with 1st.  Based on the rest of the chapter being 1st, I'd adapt to that method, unless other chapters are 3rd.  

IE start the story more like: "My name is Jared.  Today was supposed to be my job interview. I talk like this the whole chapter.  I hope you like my story, and I don't die to the monsters."  Although that's clearly just sample text.

3) There are some issues with translation and word order, but people are either pretty forgiving on those, or will likely avoid your story after the warning.  I can't speak to other sites.  Some folks may comment on the fiction to help you, especially if you enable the Reader Suggestions feature on the "Edit Fiction" page, which lets them do so more easily.

That's the big 3 from chapter 1, as far as I can see.  Hope this is helpful.

Re: My narration feel weird

#3
I haven't read your effort, but POV, I will agree, is important, Its not about grammar, its about the story itself. Are you a storyteller relating something you have heard, or are you the person involved wending his/her way through a unique situation? You certainly cant be both, and these are inherently different stories.  Is it MY situation, or its something I am relating about someone else or some bunch of other people.

That out of the way, let me say I sympathize, as writing a colloquial work in a language not native to you verges on impossible unless you have steeped yourself in the culture and language very deeply.  Most would write  "what they know" and have it translated by a native speaker they can talk to about the work. 

It is certainly, to say the least, a learning experience. Its a mountain climb for sure. If you can partner up with a native speaker you can talk with in detail that would help most. Otherwise, take sharp note of corrections suggested, and question, question, question every response to set in mind every nuance you can. 

Re: My narration feel weird

#4
Thank for the answer for the 3rd person I just wanted to start by introducing the characters I didn't really know how to start and for his parents accompanying him it's his first step in adulthood and he still is very young in Europe it's not that rare to see parents accompanying their children in their early age and reader suggestion is enable. Thank you

I think I'm gonna correct the beginning.