Re: What does it feel like inside your mind?

#21

Camhanache Wrote: I really don't get . . . do ya'll mean actual sentence narration instead of just self-impressions for narrating things like low self-esteem? (I mean, when I feel stupid I actively force myself to think that thought instead of not think about it, so that I can challenge the thought or otherwise just section it off from the base level impressions.)


Yes. For me it sometimes includes grammar corrections or pronunciation corrections on myself. Sometimes My Narration even includes the word comma, semicolon, or period in it (but those inclusions are normally when I'm writing). Sometimes my brain does go blank for a second and it is silent, but that normally ends quickly with a thought of "What am I thinking about?" Or "Did my brain just go blank?" It might also be the thought observation that I probably just space out and no one was home for that second. Normally this happens most when I am very tired. Sometimes I will think the same couple of sentences over and over again while trying to categorize why I am thinking the way I am. I call that the double narration where my brain will be rerunning the one sentence, and then will be narrating thoughts about that sentence in-between the sentence being repeated, and sometimes over riding the repetition of the sentence. As for typing. I narrate the words, not the letters. The letters just appear as part of knowing the word. If I hit a word I've forgotten the spelling for; I have to go look it up and I create a phonetic memory (not the correct pronunciation) of the word to sound out the correct spelling while typing (or I rely on spellcheck). (By the way, when I try to describe this process my brain starts feeling really meta because I am thinking hard about how I think, and then trying to describe that at the same time. It causes a lot of the double thinking trains of thought to be going on.) Oh, and one last thing since I am typing my thoughts as I think them, I tend to have random thoughts pop up in the middle of trains of thought. Luckily my brain is much faster than my fingers so those didn't get typed in. Sometimes those random thoughts take me down completely different tracks  and it take a little while for the rail line to merge back to the original track and for me to get back to what I was doing. 

For those who know computers/programming I often describe my mind as a computer trying to run a multi-threaded program with a single core processor in the computer. 

Re: What does it feel like inside your mind?

#22
This topic is fascinating. It seems like one of those things where we all grow up assuming everyone just thinks the same way, until these conversations happen and we end up realising there's actually quite a lot of diversity.

For me, I don't really think in either words or images. I can do so deliberately, and it happens unprompted here and there on an average day, but for the most part I think in abstract concepts. Thoughts tend to manifest themselves as general understanding. Images and words are rare. It's mostly just raw knowledge and emotion. 

It can sometimes be annoying when I find myself put on the spot (such as in a live debate), because, given a little time, I can mould that understanding into a more communicable form; images, words, music, whatever. But in that initial moment when I have a big blob of gel-like answers sitting in my head, I don't always have time to squeeze them through the most appropriate bottleneck. It's there, it's just not coming out. At least, not without a little translation first. Someone was telling me recently they'd love a thoughts-to-text machine for writing and I had to laugh, because I'm certain any such device I owned would either spit out gibberish or nothing at all.

Dreams are different. My dreams tend to be epic and frequently leave me in awe, and I'm convinced my sleeping brain is about 10x smarter than my waking one. It constructs grand and incredibly detailed vistas, images, music, events and people on a regular basis with apparently no effort whatsoever. So whatever steroids my brain is on when I sleep - I want them. But what do you do, right? We take what we can get.

Re: What does it feel like inside your mind?

#23

Camhanache Wrote: do ya'll mean actual sentence narration instead of just self-impressions for narrating things like low self-esteem?
For me, yes. Writing my thoughts is a perfect translation in most cases, since my thoughts are almost always in words. When I 'imagine a scene' I'm imagining the sentences describing the scene, not the scene itself. If I think 'a young woman in a blue dress stands upon a pier, waiting for her lover's ship to return' the sound of that sentence is what I'm imagining, usually in my own voice, but sometimes in a narration voice. In this instance, I thought it in a generic male voice - probably because a half hour ago I was listening to an audiobook narrated by a generic male voice actor.


That's not to say my thoughts are always cohesive or clear. I'll often have arguments with myself, discussions, etc. Any stream-of-consciousness has its foibles. Sentences sometimes hang, thoughts are interrupted by other thoughts, distractions break the flow.

Many times when I'm dictating aloud, I'll go back and listen to the recording and wonder why I remember saying things that didn't get picked up, because I won't realize that I stopped saying my thoughts aloud and slipped into internal dialogue instead. Or I'll be listening to an audiobook, and something will start a line of thought, and I won't even notice the story is still going until I finish exploring my own thought and re-tune into reality, and then I'll be confused and lost and have to rewind.

Re: What does it feel like inside your mind?

#25
Hectic. Loud. 
I'll have too many thoughts trying to fit into one space at once and everything gets jumbled. More often than not it causes my hands to fumble and a stutter when I speak. Music sometimes helps as it puts a type of balance there, gives everything a type of rhythm to follow, but other times it doesn't help at all as my mind tries to compensate and becomes louder. 

Complete external silence is also a nono, as it actually starts to hurt from it being so seemingly loud. I have one of those mouse repel things(that don't work at all btw) that send out that sound that's intended to repel them. Even though it doesn't work for them, I keep it plugged in because of the pulse/click it lets off every few seconds. At first it drove me nuts, but now it's much like the fridge mentality, you only notice it when it's not there. 

Whole conversations, arguments, and memories play out in my head over and over even when I don't want them to. Meditation is impossible. There's no clearing one's mind when there's always a corner that remains stubbornly unaffected by whatever method is being attempted.