Re: First chapter review swap?

#42

RowanCarver Wrote:
kylebstiff Wrote:
RowanCarver Wrote:
kylebstiff Wrote:
RowanCarver Wrote:
kylebstiff Wrote:
RowanCarver Wrote: Hi, I am a new author here and would like to get a feel for the community and how you give feedback.


Left a somewhat harsh review but I felt it was warranted considering you have potential. "We will watch your career with great interest!" etc.

thank you. Respectfully I disagree and found your feedback to be less than constructive and very discouraging. However, thank you for your time. I'm really slow in these reviews and will do my best to read your story soon, but I appreciate your patience.

Also I'm a girl! perhaps I should add my pronouns to my bio.
 Rowan did you take your story down because of my review??? Don't do that! Listen when you're a writer, you can't please everyone. I gave my honest opinion because I believe there's some areas you can improve, that doesn't mean your story is objectively bad or should be taken down. Seriously, don't lose faith in yourself over one bad review! If anything, let it make you stronger!


No I didn't want to make you feel that way. I'm in school for creative writing currently and would prefer to just have one pool of feedback, since that group is led by a published author I tend to trust it a bit more. Its a bit exhausting to get conflicting feedback and critique constantly amongst multiple platforms. But once again I'm very thankful to you for reading my opening and for taking the time to write a review.
Thank you for the review, sempai! It’s my first review on RRL. I’ll check out the John Truby book on storytelling that you mentioned! Okay, but something I wanted to mention: I’m definitely new to the world of fanfiction. So is it normal for someone to read fanfiction about a universe they’re not familiar with??? To me, that seems so strange! You’re right, I’m definitely assuming that people know what an Ewok is, the general events of Return of the Jedi and the mission to destroy the shield generator, and all that stuff. But maybe some of my assumptions about fanfiction are totally off! I don’t know, I’ll look into it.
And I definitely don’t want to write anything in passive tense, so I’ll look into that, too. However I must respectfully disagree about the number of characters… is four characters really too confusing for a first chapter? That’s a new one on me. I’m used to reading books with an index in the back so the reader can keep track of who’s related to who. One of my favorite books, Watership Down, has like twenty or thirty rabbits to keep track of! (I’m loling as I write that.) So while I’d like to say you’re wrong about that… well, it’s a fact that if you’re confused, then that means other readers will be confused, too. So I’ll take another look at my character introductions and see what I can do.
BUT, I need to respond to your response in the thread. I’ve never heard of a writer cutting off feedback because it doesn’t come from a “certified” source, like your writing class. Is it a creative writing class or a cult? I may be a coarse plebeian from the lower class, but when you’re writing genre fiction, you don’t want to make it so flowery that simple folk like me become confused. If you’re writing literary fiction for The New Yorker then sure, go for it, but your story is sci-fi! That means clarity is key, not flowery prose ("halcyon eyes" "subconscious blood" etc).



I am allowed to use prose that's not plain. Contrary to popular belief, purple prose is not satan on a bun. Also keep in mind I haven't done line edits yet. But have you ever read something by Ray Bradbury? I'm not comparing myself to him, but I also know that my readers are really smart, and most have the reading comprehension skills to warrant the use of higher language intended to set a tone. I'm not using language to impress readers, everything I've chosen to use either operates as a Checkov's gun, sets foreshadowing, or sets the scene the way I want it to. 

I miss loving to write. I miss it so much. I hate sitting down to do it these days because of all the confusing and conflicting reviews I receive. They make me feel like I don't amount up to anything as a writer because of how I've chosen to craft my style, and that I can't progress the story because I have to go back and completely rewrite everything just to pander to readers. They also make me feel dumb and I hate, hate being talked down to. That's why I'm solely seeking out feedback from educated resources. Right now I just want to complete my projects by myself and enjoy the process of telling a story. Right now I need my stories more than anything. Feeling like I have to go back and completely rewrite everything because people I don't know tell me to sucks, it makes me want to give up. I'll come back when I'm ready. I just can't do this right now.


I've read Bradbury and I've read the mad king of purple prose Cormac McCarthy, the man responsible for destroying the lives of many impressionable writers. There's nothing wrong with purple prose per se, but if you're calling the eyes of a monster "halcyon" and saying that blood is "subconscious" then there's something wrong that needs to be addressed. I mean that's just incorrect word usage. If you think that's me being small-brained and unable to understand the lofty prose of an enlightened intellectual, then you're just wrong. I'm sorry but it's true. And that advice is beyond valuable.
However I must say we're building an impressive pyramidal structure with our quoted thread, like if you're looking at the posts top-down.