Re: Free Comments on First Chapter

#61

Cathal Wrote: If you're still up for this, some feedback on my first chapter would be greatly appreciated!

https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/39821/ash-and-bone



Having read your first chapter, would I be inclined to continue reading?
Yes. Not much to say. Well written first chapter. Good plot setup. A bit cliche, but in a good way, like comfort food. MC that definitely has room to grow makes for good story potential

Re: Free Comments on First Chapter

#62

Anthony Wrote: Actually, my new story has a short introduction before the first chapter; how would it work then? Anyway, the novel in question is called: Shade and Flow

Hope you read it, hope you like it.

Cheers.



Having read your first chapter, would I be inclined to continue reading?
Yes. But it was a bit of a tough read in that it kind of felt like an info dump in disguise? A bit too much system info, made it hard to gauge what the actual plot is.

Re: Free Comments on First Chapter

#63

Ben Wrote: Hi there, I'm hoping you're not all out of reviews. If you wouldn't mind I would love a review of my story "Deshawn Dale and the Hidden World." I'd be happy to read any one of your stories, just let me know which one. 


 
Here is the link to my story: https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/39920/deshawn-dale-and-the-hidden-world 


Thanks again!



Having read your first chapter, would I be inclined to continue reading?
Yes. I think this is the only story I've read so far that made me think, me_irl, #relatable. Though I do feel a bit lied to. You said jk on chapter 4... but it'll actually be explained on chapter 4, won't it?? What is this reverse-reverse psychology voodoo.

Re: Free Comments on First Chapter

#74

TheWritingBirb Wrote: Heya!

Could you review my first chapter as well? Link is in my signature (skip the prologue, it's only important if you continue to read it)
Please tell me if its too info-dumpy

I leave a thank you note in advance ~  peolove


Having read your first chapter, would I be inclined to continue reading?
Yes. The first line basically did it for me. Humor's always a good draw. Looks like good suspense and action right for the get go as well.

Re: Free Comments on First Chapter

#75

boywhotalkswithcats Wrote: Hi, I'm brand new to writing fiction. Could you give me some criticism on the first chapter of "Ranger"?

https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/40263/ranger

Thanks in advance!


Having read your first chapter, would I be inclined to continue reading?
No. But it's close. I feel like too little actually happened in the opening. It's good that it ended on a hook with the fight, but that entire opening with just dialogue was a bit drawn out. 

Re: Free Comments on First Chapter

#76

YoungOneStories Wrote: https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/40027/monillas-a-human-garbage

Are you still accepting? Thanks If you still are though, I really like to know If my story is appropriate at this website... Even if It's not, I'm not aiming mainstream anyway, but I really like to know If this is appropriate, thanks in advance


Having read your first chapter, would I be inclined to continue reading?
No. The grammar is a bit awkward, but I think the main issue is I'm not sure what is supposed to be happening? Is it supposed to be more realism than fiction? Slice of life? There's not really a draw or hook for me.

Re: Free Comments on First Chapter

#78

Tarable Wrote: I'd love it if you could leave a comment on my first chapter! It's a fanfic, so the events may seem rather confusing at first...but I'd like to think I did a good job explaining where my story is going so anyone, in the fandom or not, could understand it. There's only one way to find out though! 

My fic: The Tokyo Trap | Royal Road


Having read your first chapter, would I be inclined to continue reading?
No. Not because it's not well written. It is. I'm just not familiar enough with the universe to understand the references and know what's going on.

Re: Free Comments on First Chapter

#80

Cloud Wrote: Not sure if you’re sick of reading first chapters by now - but I’ll throw mine in the mix too... I’d be grateful for any level of feedback (here or in the comment under the chapter) 

https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/39586/designation-first


Having read your first chapter, would I be inclined to continue reading?
Yes. Can't tell English isn't your first language. Reads fine. A bit slow though, not much happening. The hook at the end with the AI is what made me change from no to yes.