Re: Should I restructure the prologue?

#1
I was pretty confident in my prologue before I posted the story. Since then, I have not been so sure. Readers often say that the prologue is confusing. However, I kept the prologues as it was because I felt that it should not be entirely comprehensible? 

Recently though, some of the review swaps [if you read this, thank you for the review!] described it as 'heavier than black hole' and 'a prologue in 6 dimensions'. This has made me unsure about it. 

Please have a look. It is not long; barely 1K words.


Somewhere far away, a place so far that even the Gods dare not imagine such a distance. It was a place about which even the highest [Existences] of the [Creations] and the [Realities] dare not possess any knowledge. For such knowledge was not a secret but a curse. It eroded the sanity of even an [Existence], the highest of them all; a [Being] not of the flesh, blood and bones.
It was a place so horrid that a mere glimpse caused the flesh to collapse. A place that was so heinous that the minds faded away long before they could even comprehend what they saw. A place where Laws were eroded and rewritten constantly.
In such a place there existed [THINGS] that imprisoned themselves in that horrendous space. They rested there not for themselves but for others, whomsoever these others maybe. For if they left that place, the [Creations] bent to their unknown whims and unconscious desires. The laws of [Realities] changed and mutated to even their half-formed thoughts.
For these [THINGS] followed not the Laws of the [Reality], they made them.
In such a place and amongst such [THINGS], a soul drifted.
“…Here comes it.”

“Tch.”

“…Decided it is, it’s Cycle.”

“Destroyer that it is, the meaning of Cycle for it is none.”

“This crime most heinous.”

“Tch. Imprison it.”

“…What it seeks, the achievement of it will be when?”

“What it seeks, there is none. The acceptance of it, when it descends.”

“…”

-X-

The Illusion let a Soul emerge.

The Forgotten guided its path.

The Formless let it touch the flesh.

The Endless let it last.

.

The Mutated, the last of them all.

The Mutated let it devour the Bridges,

For a being was reborn.

-X-

An [Existence] that was [Not One, But Innumerable], observed the result of its relentless pursuit. A pursuit that was likely a mistake, doomed to fail even before it started. Yet a quest that it had decided to undertake.
For the [Existence], which was not a [Being], had done something that it never had. It had done something that it never saw itself do. It had done something that it should have never done. With this action, the [Existence] had spelt its doom. Yet, at this moment, the [Existence] had.
It had dared to manipulate a soul. It had dared to deny the laws laid down by the [Eternals]. It had brought a soul to a [Reality] that was not the soul’s origin.
The [Existence], which had nobody yet thrived, all the same, had transmigrated a soul; a soul that had been a [Creature] in its past life and had been destined to be, once again, the same [Creature] in its next life. A [Creature] that the [Existence] despised. A [Creature] that was more of a weapon than anything else.
This soul, which had been transmigrated to the [Existence]’s own [Reality], was destined to be a [Creature] of a [Species] known for its savagery, its cruelty, its vengeance, its vanity, its hate and its plethora of other emotions that its [Species] was overwhelmed by.
It was a [Creature] most hateful, ruled by its emotions and one that existed and survived not by its power but by the power of others of its kind. It was a [Creature] so weak, so humiliatingly frail, that its weakness was its strength.
It had sought to overcome its weakness, not in itself, but in others, for it was a [Creature] pathetically feeble. It had sought strength in others and in turn, had found the source of power, the power that had been the cause of the downfall of many mighty [Existences] and [Immortals] alike.
This [Creature], which was so miserably puny, had brought down [Existences] that had dwarfed it so horrendously that they hadn’t even registered this [Creature]’s existence. To them, this [Creature] might as well have been a smote of dust.
Yet, they had fallen and this [Creature] had survived, ending them all as it thrived on the ashes of its fallen foes.
This [Creature] that sought death for the sake of death, warred with itself and opponents that it didn’t even know existed. It defeated them with a weapon it did not even know it had, for it was the weapon itself. Its very existence was a weapon to be used against some of those mighty [Existences].
And the [Existence], which was nowhere yet existed everywhere within its [Domain], had called this soul, which was destined to be this [Creature] to its own [Reality]. A mistake, the [Existence] knew. A perilous mistake.
Yet the [Existence], which could not manifest in its [Domain] but existed within a prison designed for its kind, had brought this soul to its own [Reality]. An experiment, bound to fail, yet one much needed.
The [Existence] knew what this [Creature] was and what it was capable of, for the [Existence] had seen it repeated time and time again, from one [Creation] to another, this [Creature] had devoured them all. The [Existence] knew just how dangerous this [Creature] was.
And the [Existence] that spanned within the innumerous [Creations] within its own [Reality], had no intention of [Ending] at the hands of this wretchedly weak thing.
Thus, the [Existence], which had no senses yet observed everything within its [Domain], had taken away from the [Creature] the one power that had allowed it to devour everything.
The soul would not be born in the [Vessel] it had been destined for, no, the [Existence] knew it to be the source of its overwhelming and uncontrolled emotions. This soul would be thus born an [Immortal], fundamentally lacking the ability that had allowed the [Creature]’s species to rule them all, to conquer them all.
Thus, the soul that had once been a [Mortal], a soul that had been destined to be [Mortal] once again, was now born an [Immortal]. The creature that had once been a [Mortal], born to thrive in civilization, would be born an [Immortal], a lifeform simply unable to coexist with civilization.
-X-

Far away, at a distance so great that most couldn’t even begin to imagine such a distance. A distance that was so great that there existed transcendental barriers, not one but many.
Within those barriers, inside a remote place, an ethereal book flipped its pages.
-X-

 


Re: Should I restructure the prologue?

#2
Take this for what it's worth, which isn't much.  Also, keep in mind I haven't read anything in the story, just the prologue you posted here and a quick skimming of some of the reviews to try and put it in context.

There is a lot of redundancy in the prologue.  A lot.  Like, you could probably cut between a third and half without losing anything of note.  Maybe more than that.  It's possible that, in reading the story, it might make sense to have some level of redundancy, but in reading it on it's own it definitely feels unnecessarily bloated.

I can also see why people would take it as a bit pretentious.  A good portion of that boils down to taste and what you are trying to accomplish, so that isn't necessarily a bad thing.  I, personally, thought it was a little over the top, but again, not having read more into the story, I can't really judge it in that context.

Overall, I think it could use a pruning.  I think most of your reviewers were mainly complaining about the redundancy and bloating as opposed to the content.

Just my two cents, so take it for what it's worth.

Re: Should I restructure the prologue?

#3

Bester Wrote: Take this for what it's worth, which isn't much.  Also, keep in mind I haven't read anything in the story, just the prologue you posted here and a quick skimming of some of the reviews to try and put it in context.

There is a lot of redundancy in the prologue.  A lot.  Like, you could probably cut between a third and half without losing anything of note.  Maybe more than that.  It's possible that, in reading the story, it might make sense to have some level of redundancy, but in reading it on it's own it definitely feels unnecessarily bloated.

I can also see why people would take it as a bit pretentious.  A good portion of that boils down to taste and what you are trying to accomplish, so that isn't necessarily a bad thing.  I, personally, thought it was a little over the top, but again, not having read more into the story, I can't really judge it in that context.

Overall, I think it could use a pruning.  I think most of your reviewers were mainly complaining about the redundancy and bloating as opposed to the content.

Just my two cents, so take it for what it's worth.



Thank you for the advice. My intention had been to use redundancy as a tool to make the prose seem grand and confusing. Which portion would you recommend trimming? The start or the end?

Re: Should I restructure the prologue?

#4
For instance, the first part before the speaking could probably be cut down to:

***


In a place so far that even the Gods dared not imagine was a place even the highest [Existences] of the [Creations] and the [Realities] dared not possess knowledge. Such knowledge was a curse that eroded the sanity of even an [Existence], the highest of all things; a [Being] not of the flesh, blood and bones.
It was a place so horrid that a mere glimpse caused the flesh to collapse and so heinous the minds faded away long before they could comprehend what they saw. A place where Laws were eroded and rewritten constantly.
[THINGS] imprisoned themselves in that horrendous space for the sake of others.  If they left that place [Creations] would bend to their whims and unconscious desires. The laws of [Realities] changed and mutated to even half-formed thoughts as these [THINGS] did not follow the Laws of the [Reality], they made them.
In such a place and amongst such [THINGS], a soul drifted.
“…Here comes it.”


***

Not saying this is exactly how you should prune, but I think I was able to cut a fair chunk away while still keeping the intention and information in place.  It could probably be tightened up a little more if I was more aware of the context this fit into the background of the story.

I get your thought process in writing that way, but I don't think it works how you were intending.  Grand and confusing comes across more as cumbersome and disjointed.

The parts where there is speaking are okay, imho.  It is the dense chunks of text where I think your verbosity got away from you.  And believe me, I understand as someone that has to firmly step on my own verbosity at times.


Re: Should I restructure the prologue?

#5

ALostTerrapin Wrote: FWIW, when I read your story I didn’t hate the prologue, but I tend to have more patience for “heavier” writing and confusing things than most. I kinda got what you were going for, but I agree it felt kinda long and redundant. 

I think, maybe a big barrier is your audience? For a kind of system/monster story, I think the thing they’re most interested in is..well, the system/monster. Your prologue may feel like a bit more of a barrier/timewaster to some readers as a result. 

So, stylistically I think there may be a bit of a clash. In a different story, maybe people have more patience for it. You could shorten it, and/or consider revealing a bit more about the system during it. A spoon full of sugar helps the medicine go down and all that. 

Just my 2 cents.



You have read the story so you know that I am going for a gritty and grimdark approach for the story. This kind of story is not for those who read for action-adventure and harem usually associated with this genre. So I used to think that the prologue would be a very good barrier for those that are just looking for monster-harem type of story. 
So I want to modify the prologue while making it easier to read but not changing the content.

Re: Should I restructure the prologue?

#6
I think my dislike for this comes down to it clashing with the purpose of having a prologue to begin with. Structurally, no fiction novel needs a prologue. They're popular with web novels for one reason: they show us, at a glance, what we can expect from the novel in regard to style and substance. The style in this prologue isn't necessarily hard to read, but it is a lot of words that say very little. Having 1k words, which is just shy of four pages in print, that don't tell me anything inspires little confidence in the rest of the novel. I haven't read the novel, but is having a prologue with cryptic and disassociated narration absolutely essential to the story? Does your reader lose out on anything by just getting to the first chapter?

The style is also all over the place, and there are a lot of grammatical errors that I feel you wouldn't have made if you were just writing more plainly. When you go for a different style, you need to ask yourself what it adds and subtracts from your writing. You also need to be aware of what kind of sentence structure and phrasing you're going to be using to achieve the intended effects. It seems like you're going for a bit of an antiquated style, but you've mixed it up with a bunch of more modern, technical writing. It ends up just breaking my immersion when half the sentence reads like something from the 1800s, and the other half from a college paper last year. I feel like you're just trying too hard. 

Also, you really shouldn't strive to write something that isn't entirely comprehensible. You're not writing Finnegans Wake, where the narrative is intentionally obscured by layers of references and wordplay (beautiful writing though it is). Your goal should be to tell us an enjoyable story. There's room for prosaic flourishes, of course, but every time you write something cryptic and incomprehensible you're gambling on whether or not you're going to lose the reader. If I can't understand a web fiction, then really, what am I doing with my time?

This is just my opinion, of course, and I don't intend to be mean in any way. I'm just telling you how I feel about it since you're worried over the structure and readers being confused. You do have talent, and I can tell that you have an interesting story to tell. Just do your best to make sure that your average reader is able to understand what's going on without frustration.

Edit: I just thought of this, so I'll add it in. If you want to check out an example of a novel that does an otherworldly prologue very well, read the beginning of A Dream of Red Mansions by Cao Xueqin. It's iconic.

Re: Should I restructure the prologue?

#7

Senator Wrote: I think my dislike for this comes down to it clashing with the purpose of having a prologue to begin with. Structurally, no fiction novel needs a prologue. They're popular with web novels for one reason: they show us, at a glance, what we can expect from the novel in regard to style and substance. The style in this prologue isn't necessarily hard to read, but it is a lot of words that say very little. Having 1k words, which is just shy of four pages in print, that don't tell me anything inspires little confidence in the rest of the novel. I haven't read the novel, but is having a prologue with cryptic and disassociated narration absolutely essential to the story? Does your reader lose out on anything by just getting to the first chapter?

The style is also all over the place, and there are a lot of grammatical errors that I feel you wouldn't have made if you were just writing more plainly. When you go for a different style, you need to ask yourself what it adds and subtracts from your writing. You also need to be aware of what kind of sentence structure and phrasing you're going to be using to achieve the intended effects. It seems like you're going for a bit of an antiquated style, but you've mixed it up with a bunch of more modern, technical writing. It ends up just breaking my immersion when half the sentence reads like something from the 1800s, and the other half from a college paper last year. I feel like you're just trying too hard. 

Also, you really shouldn't strive to write something that isn't entirely comprehensible. You're not writing Finnegans Wake, where the narrative is intentionally obscured by layers of references and wordplay (beautiful writing though it is). Your goal should be to tell us an enjoyable story. There's room for prosaic flourishes, of course, but every time you write something cryptic and incomprehensible you're gambling on whether or not you're going to lose the reader. If I can't understand a web fiction, then really, what am I doing with my time?

This is just my opinion, of course, and I don't intend to be mean in any way. I'm just telling you how I feel about it since you're worried over the structure and readers being confused. You do have talent, and I can tell that you have an interesting story to tell. Just do your best to make sure that your average reader is able to understand what's going on without frustration.

Edit: I just thought of this, so I'll add it in. If you want to check out an example of a novel that does an otherworldly prologue very well, read the beginning of A Dream of Red Mansions by Cao Xueqin. It's iconic.



You make some very good points. Thank you :)

Re: Should I restructure the prologue?

#8
Being Dutch I am allowed to be completely blunt and honest :-)

I can't even read the Prologue. It's format hurts my eyeballs, and so I quit before actually reading it. But I have to be honest, I'm an old fashioned reader / writer, and I tend to avoid anything 'experimental'... So, I guess I might not be the target audience anyway < shrug >

So, I'd suggest to give it a regular format, paragraphing, dialogue, or consider completely dropping it. Most stories don't need a prologue... At least put in some indents, or black lines, to make it more readable.


Re: Should I restructure the prologue?

#9

Ankur_93 Wrote: Recently though, some of the review swaps [if you read this, thank you for the review!] described it as 'heavier than black hole' and 'a prologue in 6 dimensions'. This has made me unsure about it.

Hello Ankur.  We meet again. 


I will give your Prologue a once over (as I did for your Blurb--remember? 😃) soon, when I have more time. 
But in the meantime, if I haven't mentioned this before, let me do so now. 

I'm a big fan of Literary Fiction-- storytelling where the words mean as much, if not more, than the plot itself.  LitFic is, at its essence, an attempt by the author to tell the reader something they have heard before, but in a way they've never heard it. 

Although of course it's not LitFic, and it is instead theater, let me use the musical Hamilton as an example. The story of the American Revolution has been told a thousand times.  Even the life of Alexander Hamilton has been told over and over.  But Lin Manuel Miranda told the story in a unique way--in rap lyrics.  No one's ever done that before. It is unique.

In LitFic, the same attempt occurs--tell your story in a way that no one's done before. However, as opposed to Hamilton, where it's rife with words--some say over six times as many words as in the typical Musical--LitFic attempts to tell the tale with as few words as possible. 

Do not say in three words what you can say in two.  Do not say the same thing twice, using different words. Everytime you do an edit, make sure the result of your work has less words and not more.

That way, we people read your story, they are left with wanted more, and not wishing there was less. 

Do you see how that works to your advantage? 😃

Re: Should I restructure the prologue?

#10

ArDeeBurger Wrote:
Ankur_93 Wrote: Recently though, some of the review swaps [if you read this, thank you for the review!] described it as 'heavier than black hole' and 'a prologue in 6 dimensions'. This has made me unsure about it.

Hello Ankur.  We meet again. 


I will give your Prologue a once over (as I did for your Blurb--remember? 😃) soon, when I have more time. 
But in the meantime, if I haven't mentioned this before, let me do so now. 

I'm a big fan of Literary Fiction-- storytelling where the words mean as much, if not more, than the plot itself.  LitFic is, at its essence, an attempt by the author to tell the reader something they have heard before, but in a way they've never heard it. 

Although of course it's not LitFic, and it is instead theater, let me use the musical Hamilton as an example. The story of the American Revolution has been told a thousand times.  Even the life of Alexander Hamilton has been told over and over.  But Lin Manuel Miranda told the story in a unique way--in rap lyrics.  No one's ever done that before. It is unique.

In LitFic, the same attempt occurs--tell your story in a way that no one's done before. However, as opposed to Hamilton, where it's rife with words--some say over six times as many words as in the typical Musical--LitFic attempts to tell the tale with as few words as possible. 

Do not say in three words what you can say in two.  Do not say the same thing twice, using different words. Everytime you do an edit, make sure the result of your work has less words and not more.

That way, we people read your story, they are left with wanted more, and not wishing there was less. 

Do you see how that works to your advantage?



Hello!
And how can I forget you? You have been a great help. :)
And I see your point. I was going for repetition but that is not the correct way.

Re: Should I restructure the prologue?

#11

Nine Wrote: Being Dutch I am allowed to be completely blunt and honest :-)

I can't even read the Prologue. It's format hurts my eyeballs, and so I quit before actually reading it. But I have to be honest, I'm an old fashioned reader / writer, and I tend to avoid anything 'experimental'... So, I guess I might not be the target audience anyway < shrug >

So, I'd suggest to give it a regular format, paragraphing, dialogue, or consider completely dropping it. Most stories don't need a prologue... At least put in some indents, or black lines, to make it more readable.



Thank you for the advice. I will keep it in mind.. :)

Re: Should I restructure the prologue?

#12
Okay, Ankur!  Since you are here (I hope) let me show you how you could kill a significant number of words, without changing your story. 

Somewhere, a place so far the Gods dare not imagine, a place which even the highest [Existences] of the [Creations] and the [Realities] dare not possess knowledge, a place where knowledge was a curse, eroding the sanity of an [Existence], a [Being] not of flesh nor bone.

Notice here how we got rid of FAR AWAY, since it is a reiteration of A PLACE SO FAR, which in turn is a reiteration of SUCH A DISTANCE. Also notice how in your passage, you used the words SUCH and EVEN twice as well as the words THAT and  ANY. 

These are filler words--words we authors write when making our first draft, which upon further editing we try like the dickens to get rid of every single time. They lose their meaning after a while, cluttering up our story, when they're overused. 

You also used the word NOT four times, which is way too many.  So I got rid of one. You might like to get rid of another. 

Next please notice that the very first sentence in your novel--Somewhere far away, a place so far that even the Gods dare not imagine such a distance--is in fact a fragment. That's a big gamble. Most people would say it's a mistake, a non-starter even, but I think you should own it. So I turned it into your first paragraph. It's a great LitFic sort of way to start off a story!  I also got rid of one-third of your words, yet retained the gist of the passage. 

Let's try another, shall we? 

A place so horrid, a glimpse caused collapse. So heinous the mind faded, long before it could comprehend. A place where Laws eroded, and thus were then rewritten. 

This is pure LitFiction--poetry in prose. 
Notice how each sentence is in fact a couplet, split in half by a comma.  
Four words - comma - four words. Five words - comma - five words. Five words - comma - five words.
Also note that besides the word A, the only words repeated are PLACE and SO. 
And again, I removed over one-third of the words, yet have not changed the meaning.

Now you give it a try!  Good luck!  😃

Re: Should I restructure the prologue?

#13

ArDeeBurger Wrote: Okay, Ankur!  Since you are here (I hope) let me show you how you could kill a significant number of words, without changing your story. 

Somewhere, a place so far the Gods dare not imagine, a place which even the highest [Existences] of the [Creations] and the [Realities] dare not possess knowledge, a place where knowledge was a curse, eroding the sanity of an [Existence], a [Being] not of flesh nor bone.

Notice here how we got rid of FAR AWAY, since it is a reiteration of A PLACE SO FAR, which in turn is a reiteration of SUCH A DISTANCE. Also notice how in your passage, you used the words SUCH and EVEN twice as well as the words THAT and  ANY. 

These are filler words--words we authors write when making our first draft, which upon further editing we try like the dickens to get rid of every single time. They lose their meaning after a while, cluttering up our story, when they're overused. 

You also used the word NOT four times, which is way too many.  So I got rid of one. You might like to get rid of another. 

Next please notice that the very first sentence in your novel--Somewhere far away, a place so far that even the Gods dare not imagine such a distance--is in fact a fragment. That's a big gamble. Most people would say it's a mistake, a non-starter even, but I think you should own it. So I turned it into your first first paragraph. It's a great LitFic sort of way to start off a story!  I also got rid of one-third of your words, yet retained the gist of the passage. 

Let's try another, shall we? 

A place so horrid, a glimpse caused collapse. So heinous the mind faded, long before it could comprehend. A place where Laws eroded, and thus were then rewritten. 

This is pure LitFiction--poetry in prose. 
Notice how each sentence is in fact a couplet, split in half by a comma.  
Four words - comma - four words. Five words - comma - five words. Five words - comma - five words.
Also note that besides the word A, the only words repeated are PLACE and SO. 
And again, I removed over one-third of the words, yet have not changed the meaning.

Now you give it a try!  Good luck!  



Thank you. This was incredibly helpful! I will try to use this method. :)

Re: Should I restructure the prologue?

#15

cmr Wrote: I've noticed that there's a fair amount of dislike for prologues out there in the world - but I think they have their uses. IMO, some stories need a way to showcase something that's important to the story, but it isn't something the characters will be aware of but has an influence on them - in other words, the author wants to let the readers in on something. 

If the prologue is a lot different in style and tone from the rest of the story, people might be put off, one way or the other. 
If they liked the style of the opener, they might be disappointed by the change in the book. 
Worse, if they don't like the style of the prologue, they won't even bother with book. Kind of a truth in advertising thing.
My two cents anyway.



Thank you. I agree with you. Prologue can be a good hint to the overarching plot of the story when the start is quite slow.

Re: Should I restructure the prologue?

#17
So I have restructured the prologue. I have tried to reduce redundancy as mentioned by most of you. Thank you, everyone, for your advice. :)


Quote:There existed a distant place so far that even the Gods dared not imagine such a distance. The very knowledge of its existence was a curse that eroded the sanity of even an [Existence], the highest of them all; a [Being] not of the flesh, blood and bones.
In this horrid place whose mere glimpse caused the flesh to collapse there existed [THINGS] that imprisoned themselves within. Their incomprehensible minds faded not under the rigorous assault of their prison’s hideousness, for they were the [THINGS].
They confined themselves within not for themselves but for others, whomsoever these others maybe. For if they left that place, the [Creations] bent to their unknown whims and unconscious desires. The laws of [Realities] changed and mutated to even their half-formed thoughts.
For these [THINGS] followed not the Laws of the [Reality], they made them. Against their might, what was the Law eroding effect of their chosen prison?
In such a place and amongst such [THINGS], a soul drifted.
“…Here comes it.”
“Tch.”

“…Decided it is, it’s Cycle.”
“Destroyer that it is, the meaning of Cycle for it is none.”

“This crime most heinous.”
“Tch. Imprison it.”

“…What it seeks, the achievement of it will be when?”
“What it seeks, there is none. The acceptance of it, when it descends.”

“…”
-X-

The Illusion let a Soul emerge.

The Forgotten guided its path.

The Formless let it touch the flesh.

The Endless let it last.

.

The Mutated, the last of them all.

The Mutated let it devour the Bridges,

For a being was reborn.

-X-

An [Existence] that was [Not One, But Innumerable], observed the result of its blasphemous pursuit. The road that it should have never treaded was not paved by its unforgivable crimes and unpardonable sins.
Yet, the [Existence] that was not just a [Being] regretted not its deliberate manipulation of a soul. It had dared to deny the rules of the [Eternals] by lured a soul to a [Reality] that was not the soul’s origin.
The [Eternals] had annihilated [Creations] and sundered [Realities] for less.
The [Existence], which possessed not a body yet thrived all the same, had lured the soul whose [Vessel] had been of a [Race] that the [Existence] despised. It was a [Race] known for its savagery, cruelty, vengeance, vanity, hate and plethora of other emotions that its various [Species] were overwhelmed by.
The soul whose [Vessel] had been destined once again for that hateful [Race] was lured off its path.
The [Existence] had granted the soul a [Vessel] not belonging to the [Race] that survived not by its power but by the power of others of its kind. It would no longer be reincarnated into the [Race] so pathetically weak, so humiliatingly frail, that its weakness was its strength.
The [Existence] had chosen this soul that was not just destined to be the hateful [Race] but belonged to the [Race] that sought strength in others and in turn, had found the source of power; the power that had been the cause of the downfall of many mighty [Existences] and [Immortals] alike.
This soul belonging to the miserably puny [Race] had brought down [Existences] that had dwarfed it so horrendously that they hadn’t even registered this [Race]’s existence. To them, this [Race] might as well have been a smote of dust. Yet, they had fallen and this [Race] had survived, ending them all as it thrived on the ashes of its fallen foes.
And the [Existence], which was nowhere yet existed everywhere within its [Domain], had dared to gamble on this soul belonging to the [Race] that devoured all. However, the [Existence] that spanned within the innumerous [Creations] within its own [Reality], had no intention of [Ending] at the hands of this wretchedly weak thing.
The [Existence], which had no senses yet observed everything within its [Domain], had thus taken away from the soul its destined [Race] that devoured even the [Wills] and the [Immortals]. This soul would instead be born an [Immortal], a [Race] fundamentally denied its destined [Race]’s source of power: the ability to thrive in civilization.
Thus, the soul belonging to the [Race: Mortal], was now born into the [Race: Immortal]. The creature that had thrived into civilization, would be born a lifeform simply unable to coexist with civilization.
-X-

Far away, at a distance so great that most couldn’t even begin to imagine, there existed a place. This place was so distant that there existed transcendental barriers, not one but many.
Within those barriers, inside a remote place, an ethereal book flipped its pages.
-X-