Re: What do you think about my new synopsis?

#1

Quote:A group of twelve heroes have been summoned to a fantasy world with magic and dragons by a mighty kingdom to defeat the demon king... which they did in about three months leaving them to live a life of luxury in this new world.

Each hero was given a special class and ten abilities, the story follows Abby and Kevin, two of the heroes on a quest to kill off the other ten heroes before they taint the world of fantasy and magic with modern life.

The mystery isn't who the killers are, but what abilities and weaknesses the other heroes have and how the two can exploit them in their favour without getting caught.



What do you guys think?

Re: What do you think about my new synopsis?

#2
"Rather than be curious about the other ten heroes and their weaknesses, i'm more concerned about why they would care about preserving the natural state of a fantasy world to the point where they find killing the other ten heroes an acceptable solution. Ehh... Depending on the reason, it may make or break the story for me as a reader."

Is generally what i feel after reading that. Take it with a grain of salt though :) I haven't read the story, so i'm unaware of their motives for doing so. If its something silly like "Because fantasy worlds should remain pure and untouched by modernness!" then your current synopsis is probably fine. If there is some sort of greater underlying issue with modernizing fantasy worlds, such as having some sort of negative effect on the universe/multiverse as a whole in some way, i'd probably hint at that instead to add a bit more mystery to it.

Re: What do you think about my new synopsis?

#3

There isn't really a deeper meaning to it, it's like how everyone was super excited to go to a fantasy world and essentially live free as adventurers and stuff, and suddenly everyone is like "Aaight, that was fun, let's make sure others can't do that."
Not to mention giving that kind of power to a medieval monarchy is essentially making a super-dictator.
One of the heroes is straight-up planning to make cars and apartment blocks, hospitals and whatnot.


Kevin and Abby were both kind of kicked around by normal life on earth, not to mention they're both essentially sociopaths.


I mean, I am by no means excusing the fact they are depriving a world of medicine, longer and easier lives, that will all be addressed.

Re: What do you think about my new synopsis?

#4

Quote:A group of twelve heroes have been summoned to a fantasy world with magic and dragons by a mighty kingdom to defeat the demon king... which they did in about three months, leaving them to live a life of luxury in this new world.

'With magic and dragons' is unecessary here. It burdens the sentence more than anything, I suggest you remove it.

Quote:Each hero was given a special class and ten abilities, this story follows Abby and Kevin, two of the heroes on a quest to kill off the other ten heroes before they taint this world of fantasy and magic with modern life.

I don't think it's essential to mention 'Each hero was given a special class and ten abilities' , so it would probably be better to remove that and mention it in the first chapter or something like that. Synopsis are meant to go straight to the point.

Quote:The mystery isn't who the killers are, but what abilities and weaknesses the other heroes have and how the two can exploit them in their favour without getting caught.

I'd also remove that last part. We get the point so it's not necessary to precise this. Not only this sentence stands out in your synopsis (and not in a good way), but it's also burdensome.

Otherwise, that's a pretty good synopsis. It's short and explicit. But like HammieTheHamster said, it could be nice to precise why the protagonists don't want modern knowledge to spread in this new world.

Re: What do you think about my new synopsis?

#5
The synopsis does a good job of describing the story, but I think you need to punch it up a bit to catch a readers attention. Here's a very rough idea.

In a world where magic is real, a mighty kingdom faces destruction at the hands of the evil demon king. In desperation, twelve heroes from our world are summoned to defeat him. Victorious, the heroes settle into a life where their every need is met by a grateful people. However, while some of the heroes embrace their new world, there are those who would taint this world with the modern life they left behind. Battle line are soon drawn as those who were once allies fight to determine the future of the world they now call home.

Re: What do you think about my new synopsis?

#6

parkertallan Wrote: The synopsis does a good job of describing the story, but I think you need to punch it up a bit to catch a readers attention. Here's a very rough idea.

In a world where magic is real, a mighty kingdom faces destruction at the hands of the evil demon king. In desperation, twelve heroes from our world are summoned to defeat him. Victorious, the heroes settle into a life where their every need is met by a grateful people. However, while some of the heroes embrace their new world, there are those who would taint this world with the modern life they left behind. Battle line are soon drawn as those who were once allies fight to determine the future of the world they now call home.



My god I love it! Thanks a lot man, imma try writing something like that!