Re: Tana's Reviews 2: Revenge of Something, I Guess

#142

Tana Wrote: Aaand done. Really, all you need to do is get some editing cleanup and make some conflict (not necessarily violence, just conflict) happen, even just a sub-arc. You've got the pieces there for good character drama if you use them.



Thank you for taking the time! Your note about the lack of conflict rings very true. I will try to improve on the points you and others have listed!

Re: Tana's Reviews 2: Revenge of Something, I Guess

#144

Talo Wrote: I'm a new author with a new book, it is not a fantasy, it has no reviews, I think a few people read it all the way through. I really have no idea, no comments, no feedback. Perhaps I came to the wrong site. Milo by Talo Segura



It's not often that I find a story to compare to Catcher in the Rye. By which I mean 'almost never'. You have, by accident or intent, done an excellent imitation of Salinger's voice, and I encourage you to keep at it. A cult classic is still a classic.

However, your pacing is exceedingly weak. Granted, that's the only real flaw in the story (plus a handful of barely-noticed typos). As I said in the review... cutting the adult perspectives out in the edit should improve the story significantly.