Re: Criticise My Fiction

Hello! Let me start this off by giving you a bit of background information about myself - I'm a 17-year-old male, and I'm currently in full-time education. I've had an idea about a story in my head for about a year now, if not longer. I didn't read a lot unless you consider manga's a form of reading. In fact, I haven't even picked up a single light novel until roughly two months ago. However, I strongly believe that even though reading only became a hobby recently I can still write my own fiction. 

I have naturally put my idea into words and released the first 6 chapters of my novel (not including the prologue) and I honestly thought the story was great at first, but I received a bunch of criticisms from both my close friends and strangers I met on the RoyalRoad discord server and I realised how delusional I was. I had rewritten the first chapter three times before I eventually grew tired of it and left it the way it is now. I'm now finished writing chapter 6 and every time I receive criticism I will try to fix the problem in the next chapter, for example, if someone tells me I'm lacking dialogue - I will act on it and add extra dialogue in the chapter to come.

I wrote this thread in the hopes of receiving even more criticisms from other writers, as to provide me a method with improving my own writing as even if I don't do it purposely I will be biased towards my work and think of it as a masterpiece until someone else tells me differently.

On a side note, if anyone is willing to criticise it, I would prefer you drop the criticism on the comment section of the light novel chapter or review it. Quite a greedy request from me but it helps me grow the Fiction whilst simultaneously receiving a critique I can act upon.

Link to the Fiction: