Re: New author here, can anyone help correct my synopsis? I want to it make more interesting.

#1
Synopsis ( The chronicles of Ecia the Winged defender : Book one )

Since time immemorial, a prophet of the old gods once prophesied about a great calamity that would befall the realm.

Since then, countless years have passed and races throughout the realm began to lax. Now, many began to question the prophecy and some even treat it as fallacy. But what of the evergrowing darkness below? Journey with Ecia and his companions as they explore the realm of Aepolyn and slowly uncover the undercurrents that lay beneath the calm surface.

Re: New author here, can anyone help correct my synopsis? I want to it make more interesting.

#2
Some suggestions...

1. "since time immemorial" and "once prophesied" contradict each other, so the sentence doesn't make sense.

2. "lax" isn't a verb.

3. Your verb tense changes midway through the synopsis. It's possible to make that work with the right structure, but in this case, in the sentence where it switches, "began to question" and "treat it as a fallacy" should be the same tense for the sentence to make sense.

4. In general, try to avoid "began to verb" or "start to verb", and instead, just use "verb". That's not always possible, but when it is, the sentence will come out cleaner.

5. In the last sentence, there's another verb tense shift. "lay" is past tense (for this use of the word), and should be "lie" (present tense) instead. "Lay" is only present tense when you are laying down an object.


I hope this helps.

Re: New author here, can anyone help correct my synopsis? I want to it make more interesting.

#5
Yes, I agree there are a lot of technical issues with the structure of the sentences. However, I think the main issue is that the summary isn't focusing on the MC. Why is Ecia only being mentioned at the end, when he should be the full focus of the entire summary. I understand the world and its legend might be fascinating, but it will never be as interesting as a compelling character. 
 
The summary is only mentioning three things: a prophecy, a great calamity, and Ecia's journey. It's extremely vague, yet there’s a lot of fluffy language around it. I could easily replace ‘Ecia’ with ‘Link’ and then I've got the premise to Breath of the Wild. (which it's totally fine if this was your inspiration.) To set this story apart, I would expand on Ecia. What is the start of his journey? What pushes him out of his comfort zone?
 
Any summary that starts with world building immediately disconnects me as a reader.
 
I really do like this: “slowly uncover the undercurrents that lay beneath the calm surface.” But as IvyVeritas mentioned, it should be: “slowly uncover the undercurrents lying beneath the calm surface.”
 
I hope this gives you something to think about. Good luck! Keep on writing!

Re: New author here, can anyone help correct my synopsis? I want to it make more interesting.

#6
Going to repeat a previous post on blurbs (don't call them synopsis; they don't tell the story, they're supposed to sell the story).

Good, efficient blurbs tend to harp on 4-5 elements, usually in that order:

a) A situation (where are we, how do we got there), which is a bit of what you start with
b) A problem (there appear to be no problem here, merely vague allusions about an evergrowing darkness... but what makes it an evergrowing darkness? how are our MC going to be aware of a problem? surely someone must have a darkness problem)
c) A twist (our MC/someone is expecting something, but surprise, events conspire against you and you might have to do Something)
d) A mood/theme (how does the story feels. Is it going to epic, relaxed, full of mysteries, what?)
e) A hook (a question, another twist, something that has the reader wants to find the answer)

So you have a reasonable (a) situation which could be a bit expanded maybe, but you don't have a (b) problem at all (so far), there's no © twist visible, and the barest (d) mood about the exploration theme. And importantly, there's no final hook that a reader might want to see answered, resolved, etc.

So your blurb doesn't feel very special so far. Find an allusion to a problem, find some twist that starts the ball rolling, and expand a bit on the mood, and you should be much better.

Re: New author here, can anyone help correct my synopsis? I want to it make more interesting.

#7
Going to show you how it's done with The Tethered Mage a classic fantasy book:

Quote:Magic is scarce in the Raverran Empire, and those born with such powers are strictly controlled -- taken as children and conscripted into the Falcon army, to be used as weapons in times of war.

Zaira has lived her life on the streets to avoid this fate, hiding her mage mark and thieving to survive. But hers is a rare and dangerous magic, one that threatens the entire Empire.

Lady Amalia Cornaro was never meant to be a Falconer. Heiress and scholar, she was born into a treacherous world of political machinations.

But fate has bound the heir and the mage. And as war looms on the horizon, a single spark could turn their city into a pyre.


You can see the situation (magic is scarce, Zaira has lived hidden)
You can see the problem (her magic is dangerous for everyone)
You can see the twist (the heiress wasn't supposed to be a Falconer, whatever that is in that Falcon army mentioned)
You have the mood (the two are getting thrown together, oil and water style. You can already imagine how this is going to be!)
And finally the hook: War looms! A single spark can spell disaster! Oh (censored)!!!

You'll notice that the characters are also defined at least partially - we know Zaira is a mage, and Amalia is a noble heiress, rather than just names. That's important, they make the character identifiable rather than some contextless name out of a random generator.

Re: New author here, can anyone help correct my synopsis? I want to it make more interesting.

#10
Nevaeh Wrote: Since time immemorial, a prophet of the old gods once prophesied about a great calamity that would befall the realm.

Since then, countless years have passed and races throughout the realm began to lax. Now, many began to question the prophecy and some even treat it as fallacy. But what of the evergrowing darkness below? Journey with Ecia and his companions as they explore the realm of Aepolyn and slowly uncover the undercurrents that lay beneath the calm surface.

The best teaser simply hints at what may come. This isn't designed to tell the story. It's designed to entice readers to want to know more.

Quick suggestion, use what of it you please:


A prophecy shrouded in history and discarded as mere myth.
A darkness that grows beneath the surface hiding unknown danger.
A young Ecia and his companions will set off to explore the realm of Aepolyn.
What dangers await? What mysteries shall they uncover?
Join them as they begin their journey into the unknown.

Re: New author here, can anyone help correct my synopsis? I want to it make more interesting.

#12
So using some of the suggested changes above, is this better? 


dreadful prophecy shrouded in the timeworn annals of history and discarded as mere myth. 
An ever-growing darkness that lies deep inside uncharted territories. 
Journey with an inexperienced Ecia and his companions as they set off to explore the perilous realm of Aepolyn.
What dangers await? 
What secrets shall they uncover? 
Only fate knows, but when danger befalls them will you be there?

Or is this revised version of the original better?

Since time immemorial, a prophet of the old gods once prophesied about a great calamity that would befall the realm.

Since then, countless years have passed and races throughout the realm have begun to slacken. Now, many question the prophecy and some even treat it as fallacy. But what of the evergrowing darkness below? Journey with Ecia and his companions as they explore the realm of Aepolyn and slowly uncover the hidden undercurrents that lie beneath the calm surface.