Need some help with a new story...
Hopefully sharing a link to a Google Doc is okay: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1vhUE0IMp9VTrDOOSYgtLe1o6Je-k8jEkK6iD6Ajiuro/edit?usp=sharing
Comment directly on google doc or here. And thanks.
I have enough confidence to know it is not the second and I am not so far gone as to think it is the first. I just wish someone would leave a comment. Good or bad. Just some ideas on the pacing, or the characters, or anything...help??!?!
Or tell me I somehow messed up the google docs link to where you can't leave comments. Even that would be helpful.
Thanks in advance.
The only thing that I found rather hard was following the story that John was telling Mel about Lee, but that again might be my lack of concentration.
That was a really interesting and enjoyable start. In 'iskeais' and other 'reincarnated' stories, there's rarely any real word story before MC gets run over by a truck or something. There's tension, mystery(are dreams connected to John's game or something else), so answering your question 'is the system taking too long to arrive?' : no.
Hope to see your story soon. It was a very interesting read.
Edit. somehow I bugged font size, don't mind it.