Re: I'm just looking for general feedback on my ongoing novel

#1
Hello!
 
At the time fo writing this, I'm still editing the fourth chapter of my recently created novel "Hearts of Stone" and before I continue writing or do anything too drastic with the story, I'd like to ensure that everything is flowing smoothly and is easily understood, as such I'm currently looking for overall feedback on the story so far. My main concerns are pertaining to consistency, character development and personality, as well as the overall feel and tone of those furst few chapters. I want to maeks ure it's interesting to read, to see what works and what doesn't work in regards to it, along with if people feel like I should've had to first chapters set at an earlier point.

For those interested in helping, here's a link;
https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/25532/hearts-of-stone

I appreciate any feeback at all!

Thank you,
   Dragnoria

Re: I'm just looking for general feedback on my ongoing novel

#2
Hey, just read through some of what you've posted. Seems like an interesting start to a story.
Just a few things I noted. Your chapters need to be numbered somehow, so that it's easier to navigate through them. Look at my story or other stories on RR to see how you can format their titles. Also worth noting: your chapter Travel has larger horizontal spacing than the others, so consider changing it so they're all consistent.
As for the writing itself, the only thing that pulled me out of the story was the occasional odd comma usage. You use plenty of commas that aren't exactly necessary, which is fine, but some don't make sense and I'd stop and need to reread the sentence once or twice. (two examples of this in the prologue are "My stomach felt tight, uncomfortable and, heavy, " and "Father, had even let me borrow some of his magic, for the time being, to better promote unity among the demons.") Besides that, the dialogue is nice and realistic and the pacing is perfect.
Best of luck with the story!