Re: Need some help in improving the initial idea for my story ( first one).

#1
Well, I am a complete newbie here. I don't know how the idea of writing a story got into me, but it has become my dream to write at least one story in my life. I have tried writing before but, got no were with it. But a couple of months ago I stumbled upon this site ( I was looking for a good Litrpg and happened to find The Arcane Emperor by chance) and started reading the stories here. Soon I realized that this might be the chance I've been waiting for.Here  I could get the opinions and suggestions other writers, who unlike me know what they are doing. So here I am, now asking for your assistance in improving and polishing my for writing my own first ever story.


Enough about me (  sorry if I have bored you and thanks for your patience ), now let get into my Idea. So let me first tell you that I wish make an OP MC, in this story ( and every subsequent ones, if any). And ever since reading Regicide I am obsessed with Litrpgs and, especially since completing Chaos Seeds Series , so this is going to be a Litrpg. And frankly I am also very much interested in books having 2 or more different worlds like  The Arcane Emperor , Chaos Seeds Series, etc. So there is also  that. and that is where the problem is, I can't find an interesting way for sending the MC from his World to the Game World. So Please help me to tackl

Re: Need some help in improving the initial idea for my story ( first one).

#2
Depends on the tone and the symbolism you like to use. For comedy with some black humor, you might consider making the MC "win" a reincarnation because he died in a pathetic and funny way which has amused the gods.

If it's a game or the MC has a choice to travel to another world, take a look at the MC. If you follow the "Hero's Journey", a standard narration of millions of stories, good as bad, you might to ask yourself: "What lie does your MC believes in?" Depending on the personality of the MC and the "lie" the MC believes in, a good reason will derive of it.

If the MC believes that he's not special in any way, he might want to feel special in a gaming world and therefore starts one, only to discover the "truth", that everyone is an individual and therefore special in its own way.

If the MC believes that he can succeed at everything he puts effort in, he may start the game because it's said to be especially difficult and may find along the way, that while he may master the game itself, he still has hurdles he can't climb on his own (like that he can't make up with a person he has fought with in the game, because he acted like a jerk) and that he might have been arrogant.



If you look for outer forces to send the MC into the gaming world, you might consider what these forces represent and if there is an overarching theme in the story. There is a difference if a godly person is a fickle incarnation of the unforeseeable chaos that is the world, or a representation of all the bad things going on, the small whisper of hope for humanity, or basically the adult world that enforces its will upon every teenager that's coming into age.



Basically, my core message is: Look at the MC and the tone that you try to get and then you might find a way, or you may be able to give us a better idea what you're looking for. There are always many ideas and suggestions, but with only the "interesting" thing, it's hard to tell what direction things are going for you.

Re: Need some help in improving the initial idea for my story ( first one).

#3
Have you thought of the specific thing that makes your MC OP?  Because that might be directly related to how he got into the game world.  Like, if the MC has a unique, maybe non-human bloodline, maybe it doesn't interact normally with VR equipment.  Or if the game world is a real parallel universe, maybe the people in the game world summon someone with a specific trait or ability that your MC has, or has in a twisted way.

Re: Need some help in improving the initial idea for my story ( first one).

#4
For me, it is not the way the MC is sent into the game world, it is in the way you wrote it. Even the overused truck-san could still be interesting. The problem here though is that this depends a lot on the skill of the writer.

Another way to approach this is to skip it. You don't actually have to start your story there. If you can't make that event/scene interesting, then you might as well not write it. You just put it in the story as backstory.

There is also making your protagonist part of the game world. Instead of being an outsider, your protagonist is born in this world. No need for sent-your-MC-into-the-game-world scene anymore.

Re: Need some help in improving the initial idea for my story ( first one).

#5

sunandshadow Wrote: Have you thought of the specific thing that makes your MC OP?  Because that might be directly related to how he got into the game world.  Like, if the MC has a unique, maybe non-human bloodline, maybe it doesn't interact normally with VR equipment.  Or if the game world is a real parallel universe, maybe the people in the game world summon someone with a specific trait or ability that your MC has, or has in a twisted way.


OK, I have't thought about the specifics yet, but I have this idea of making him immortal in the new world he finds himself in by binding his soul to that land. His body is not invulnerable by any means but, the land will re spawn him again and again. I have not decided to set a limit to the number of times he can be re spawned , but might limit it if needed. He is not a pawn in the hands of a superior force or a person who is destined to some heroic deed, but someone who knows what he is doing and who makes his on destiny. He is't very fond of killing but also won't hesitate to do it if necessary. Since I am describing my MC, I might as well tell you about his background.

 He is a 22 year old medical practitioner who also happens to be a good martial artist. His grandfather, who is an Ex-commending officer in the United States Armed Forces,  is his mentor in martial arts. His grandmother was his grandfather's martial arts teacher's daughter ( Chinese in origin) and a good herbalist. She has taught him many secret Chinese medical treatment techniques.His father and mother used to be ( or still is, depends on whether I kill them early or not ) scientists working for the US Military. They specialize in the field of inventing new weapons for the use of US Military. Unlike many other MC's who were transported to another world ( not that I've anything against them) the MC of this particular story is satisfied with his current life. But also he does't get depressed or panic when he is transported to the Game World. He is a person who get depressed for that is not under his control, but a person who does what he has the power to do. 

Re: Need some help in improving the initial idea for my story ( first one).

#6
Ok, then maybe go the science accident route.
Something like his parent are making new discoveries and trying new things and the experiment go to hell, explosions, opening dimension rift or something like that. The MC is with his parents and maybe tries to save them and takes the brunt of whatever is happening and he's flung across the worlds integrating with the game system, but since the unusual entry or maybe the dmg he's taken or just the energy accompanying him, he gets some unique traits or achievements or skills or something that lets him do that respawn and bounding thing.

Maybe he searches for his parents if they are transported too or other people (scientists from that project) to find a way to go home or protect them or maybe not and goes to whatever else you have in mind. But I like that idea of skipping it at the start and slowly reveal the backstory and origin, maybe like dreams (nightmares) or like snippets of memory to relive it between the moments when he dies and respawns or when and why he is deciding what to do, where to go or setting his goals in mind in this new world.

Re: Need some help in improving the initial idea for my story ( first one).

#8
flssdd Wrote: Ok, then maybe go the science accident route.
Something like his parent are making new discoveries and trying new things and the experiment go to hell, explosions, opening dimension rift or something like that. The MC is with his parents and maybe tries to save them and takes the brunt of whatever is happening and he's flung across the worlds integrating with the game system, but since the unusual entry or maybe the dmg he's taken or just the energy accompanying him, he gets some unique traits or achievements or skills or something that lets him do that respawn and bounding thing.

Maybe he searches for his parents if they are transported too or other people (scientists from that project) to find a way to go home or protect them or maybe not and goes to whatever else you have in mind. But I like that idea of skipping it at the start and slowly reveal the backstory and origin, maybe like dreams (nightmares) or like snippets of memory to relive it between the moments when he dies and respawns or when and why he is deciding what to do, where to go or setting his goals in mind in this new world.


The problem with scientific accident is that they are working for the US Military, and a non-authorized person ( even if he is the son of the chief scientist) can't get inside the faculty. If he was a  less than 10-13 year old child than may be he may sneak in to the faculty to see what his father and mother is working on, but our protagonist is a 22 year old guy and a doctor at that. So... I don't know how the readers will react to creating such an incident. No offences, just shearing my thoughts here. After all this is going to be my first ever story. But I like the second idea of putting off the entire situation and reviling it in the future through "dreams (nightmares) or like snippets of memory to relive it between the moments when he dies and re spawns or when and why he is deciding what to do, where to go or setting his goals in mind in this new world". Will keep that in mind but I'll wait a little more before finalizing that idea ( I am being a little bit greedy here) to see whether someone will propose some other interesting idea. 

Re: Need some help in improving the initial idea for my story ( first one).

#10
Falconking Wrote: The problem with scientific accident is that they are working for the US Military, and a non-authorized person ( even if he is the son of the chief scientist) can't get inside the faculty.

There are always other and wider options with science accidents. Maybe it affects a whole area with a nearby town (or the facility is in town) and he is caught right at the border of the event, trying to cross it and he's torn apart. It gives you the option of many other people with somewhat modern knowledge on the other side.
Or what if there is a terrorist attack or rogue mercenaries trying to get the weapons or kidnap scientists and he is trying to help in the chaos (defending or as a medic). Potential for more long-term enemies in the new world, especially if they kill the parents.

Everything else that comes to mind looks like it requires deeper thought and planning for the world building and that's mostly on you. Like if he is called from the other side for some reason (like gods or summoning rituals, but then why and why him? or a demon coming to get him because of an ancient deal, but something goes wrong, or there is a prophecy and a old mad king or mage casts a global spell to kill every possible candidate for it to prevent it, but our MC is not in that world...), or if there a forbidden long forgotten ritual or place or item in his family history from hundreds of years ago that sends warriors for training to another plane (maybe he was looking for some old herbal recipes, but would be nice that to have some meaning or hints in the story itself, maybe there are enemy clans of old that will try to hunt him).

Re: Need some help in improving the initial idea for my story ( first one).

#11
flssdd Wrote:
Falconking Wrote: The problem with scientific accident is that they are working for the US Military, and a non-authorized person ( even if he is the son of the chief scientist) can't get inside the faculty.

There are always other and wider options with science accidents. Maybe it affects a whole area with a nearby town (or the facility is in town) and he is caught right at the border of the event, trying to cross it and he's torn apart. It gives you the option of many other people with somewhat modern knowledge on the other side.
Or what if there is a terrorist attack or rogue mercenaries trying to get the weapons or kidnap scientists and he is trying to help in the chaos (defending or as a medic). Potential for more long-term enemies in the new world, especially if they kill the parents.

Everything else that comes to mind looks like it requires deeper thought and planning for the world building and that's mostly on you. Like if he is called from the other side for some reason (like gods or summoning rituals, but then why and why him? or a demon coming to get him because of an ancient deal, but something goes wrong, or there is a prophecy and a old mad king or mage casts a global spell to kill every possible candidate for it to prevent it, but our MC is not in that world...), or if there a forbidden long forgotten ritual or place or item in his family history from hundreds of years ago that sends warriors for training to another plane (maybe he was looking for some old herbal recipes, but would be nice that to have some meaning or hints in the story itself, maybe there are enemy clans of old that will try to hunt him).


It may be some kind of coincidence, but  I have been putting off the idea of someone summoning him to the Game world  for the some reason ( why and why him?) and I've already considered him stumbling upon a forbidden long forgotten  ritual or place or item in his family history from hundreds of years ago. 

Re: Need some help in improving the initial idea for my story ( first one).

#12
Personally, for the Isekai genre, I feel that the "transfer" is of little importance... unless there is a good reason for it. Older novels may call upon truck-san or a yandere girlfriend... but many more recent Isekai novels have simply forgo the whole "transfer" process, starting the story with the MC already in the new world.

Reason: the old world would be abandoned after the transfer. Unless the MC gets to return, there is no good reason for the author to continue to develop the old world. Meaning: whatever written have little or nothing to do with the main story plot. Therefore, no matter how well you draw the current world, it will be for naught after the MC is gone... Frankly, I usually skip all those pre-transfer stuffs for Isekai novels... not sure if I'm the majority or minority.

If you feel the need to talk about the MC's previous life, you can always let the MC "release" bits and pieces when doing stuffs differently from the new world standards. In context, you can use your MC's combat training, being vastly different from the new locals, to talk about his grandpa. A more difficult approach is to make it an unspoken tale, spread across the many chapters/arcs, that can be pieced together if someone truly want to.

Re: Need some help in improving the initial idea for my story ( first one).

#13
Well this is my view of this:

Despite my dislike towards extremely prepared before the blast before story began MCs, I have to agree, the initial start is quite hard.
My take is this, steer away from science.
If by some power or dimensional ripper shunts the MC through space-time into the Game World,  a hole in the plot's foundation is formed from the convenience of the technology in governments possession and MC's incredible luck in not being torn apart by said space-time. I beg you to not use family connection government route where he wanders in there accidentally, getting really powerful/gets there safely/part of special program, but gets the illegal family treatment.

Try to formulate 2 simple events that use prodigious amounts of power, with some semblance of reason coming from fantasy side, and play the game from there.

Examples:

Original world- Nuke goes off, MC lives in Japan (Hiroshima) ...cliche... though would help explain the complete trust in the medical practitioner thing that his grandmother taught him, as mentioned above due to time period. Luck would play a large role for him to be one of the few deceased souls to be sucked into the Fantasy world.

Fantasy world- Complicated spell failure; death of large amount of beings (war of more than humans mind you) weakening space-time significantly and binding MC to that reality to respawn into it at that single moment of time and place.


Re: Need some help in improving the initial idea for my story ( first one).

#14

Wrote: Well this is my view of this:

Despite my dislike towards extremely prepared before the blast before story began MCs, I have to agree, the initial start is quite hard.
My take is this, steer away from science.
If by some power or dimensional ripper shunts the MC through space-time into the Game World,  a hole in the plot's foundation is formed from the convenience of the technology in governments possession and MC's incredible luck in not being torn apart by said space-time. I beg you to not use family connection government route where he wanders in there accidentally, getting really powerful/gets there safely/part of special program, but gets the illegal family treatment.

Try to formulate 2 simple events that use prodigious amounts of power, with some semblance of reason coming from fantasy side, and play the game from there.

Examples:

Original world- Nuke goes off, MC lives in Japan (Hiroshima) ...cliche... though would help explain the complete trust in the medical practitioner thing that his grandmother taught him, as mentioned above due to time period. Luck would play a large role for him to be one of the few deceased souls to be sucked into the Fantasy world.

Fantasy world- Complicated spell failure; death of large amount of beings (war of more than humans mind you) weakening space-time significantly and binding MC to that reality to respawn into it at that single moment of time and place.



Well I am definitely not going for the scientific approach, at least not in this one. and to be frank I've already built a scenario where an event ( summoning) taking place in the  fantasy world ( Game world) is the cause for the transfer.

Ok, since I wish to publish the first chapter the next month, which is less than a week away, I would like you all to evaluate a plot that I've come up with ( which of course have been built based on many of your suggestions). So it goes some what like this :  The MC is travelling over the Bermuda triangle by flight. But a portal ( big enough to sallow the entire aircraft) is opened in frond of it and is pulled inside. The aircraft doesn't survive the journey and is torn apart. I wish to make it that only the MC survives it but if needed ( in the future) it can be " reveled" that is not the case. Any way let me rewind the story a little and tell you about how the portal was opened in the first place. Inside the Game world there is a long forgotten spell book, that has the power to change the world itself . It was a gift from the God of Chance and Change to an power full elven king of the past. It's existence is Known only to the Royal family and nobody else. It is treated as a least resort if the kingdom is ever to fall. It is kept inside the royal treasury under high security. But under the shadow of a moon less night a infiltrates into the royal treasury and steals the spell book. He is the last disciple of an secret Order that worships the God of Chance and Change. But his intrusion is noticed by some of the royal guards and he flees from there, and uses the book to perform a ritual but nothing happens. He becomes very disappointed and angry with himself and frantically searches for any flows in his actions. But before he can even make out what went wrong , the entire cave system he is hiding in is destroyed by artillery magic ( the elven king, afraid that he might use the spell before they can find him in the wast cave system, ordered it to be destroyed). Unknown to any one this is what caused the portal to be opened. The ritual was actually a type of summoning magic which summons people from another world and make them/him/her into the embodiment of change. The ritual has a hidden mechanism that can detect any danger near by where the actual ritual is taking place. and deposit the one being summoned in a relatively safe place. So this is what I've come up with and I would appreciate any correction/ suggestion from any one. 
 
       

Re: Need some help in improving the initial idea for my story ( first one).

#15
Actually, this is a pretty nice plot for what it is.

Aside from phrasing, as I would have the book's description to be used as a last resort when another kingdom invades or something/ second description you put in, bestowed by said god, etc.

I suppose the book should be incinerated, as I would I assume that it has more than one world-balance-breaking spell.

The secret sect of fortune (chance and change is slightly wordy) would play a large part in the plot later in the story when they find out his origins by " god magic stained him' or something.

Irrelevant to the plot, but can you give a prelude describing the thief's running away? Have him show the mechanics of and some skills/items in game world ( Chance to show if there are one-time use items + repeated use ones [ Try to not let abusing mechanics if this is the case in ] ( [ Skills ] Movement, distractions, etc.), to give the idea that the MC isn't the only one with system, along with the guards using some as well.

Can you shunt the plane, or parts that MC is in with the surrounding salt water ( to suggest the others had other people to plant idea that other people that survived the crash are in the world with him and had simply been cut off somewhere else with their respective parts of the plane )?

Weird name for gods + Naming for world, kingdom, flora + fauna, N/A...

Kingdom has secret weapon that went wrong, good...

Thief's scene of searching for how he got the thing wrong, good...

Giant blast from above to erase existence of MC's summoning, good...

Escape from area into place nearby to get some action, good...

Extreme survivalist protagonist, already jaded by the tragedy of life, not thinking about that all the people that he just talked to on the plane are dead, all the children, crying babies, sleeping parents, (nobody cares about the sweaty fat guy sitting next to him being extremely rude), and that the possibility that he may never see his parents, family, or siblings ever again. Is going to accept living in medieval time period customs and facilities (toilet, bathing, clothing, no cars, no electricity, showers ), disregard his apparent lack of social media, is going to accept that he may be already be trapped in game world.

... You now see my distaste for this type of MC.

At least make his personality a bit hysteric, as you have described an MC that accepts what happens to him, and leaves without fuss or thought on how he just lost his reality.

Overall, pretty good plot, slightly similar to arcane emperor, given prepared start, but should become a great story if OP-ness is regulated, and if the harem ( if there is one ) is regulated as well.

You have this guy's stamp of approval, Falconking, just, ask someone about the psychopathic MC for me.


Re: Need some help in improving the initial idea for my story ( first one).

#16
Also, before you start, search the forums for some grammer software, judging by your reviews of other stories, you have most of the stuff correct, but the grammer checker will make it easier.

Rules to know:

Don't use the same word to start several sentences in the same paragraph.

Please don't use the same adjective ( really, black, bright ) twice in the same sentence, or in the surrounding ones of the sentence with the describing adjective.

Otherwise, I think you should be fine!

Re: Need some help in improving the initial idea for my story ( first one).

#17

Wrote: Actually, this is a pretty nice plot for what it is.

Aside from phrasing, as I would have the book's description to be used as a last resort when another kingdom invades or something/ second description you put in, bestowed by said god, etc.

I suppose the book should be incinerated, as I would I assume that it has more than one world-balance-breaking spell.

The secret sect of fortune (chance and change is slightly wordy) would play a large part in the plot later in the story when they find out his origins by " god magic stained him' or something.

Irrelevant to the plot, but can you give a prelude describing the thief's running away? Have him show the mechanics of and some skills/items in game world ( Chance to show if there are one-time use items + repeated use ones [ Try to not let abusing mechanics if this is the case in ] ( [ Skills ] Movement, distractions, etc.), to give the idea that the MC isn't the only one with system, along with the guards using some as well.

Can you shunt the plane, or parts that MC is in with the surrounding salt water ( to suggest the others had other people to plant idea that other people that survived the crash are in the world with him and had simply been cut off somewhere else with their respective parts of the plane )?

Weird name for gods + Naming for world, kingdom, flora + fauna, N/A...

Kingdom has secret weapon that went wrong, good...

Thief's scene of searching for how he got the thing wrong, good...

Giant blast from above to erase existence of MC's summoning, good...

Escape from area into place nearby to get some action, good...

Extreme survivalist protagonist, already jaded by the tragedy of life, not thinking about that all the people that he just talked to on the plane are dead, all the children, crying babies, sleeping parents, (nobody cares about the sweaty fat guy sitting next to him being extremely rude), and that the possibility that he may never see his parents, family, or siblings ever again. Is going to accept living in medieval time period customs and facilities (toilet, bathing, clothing, no cars, no electricity, showers ), disregard his apparent lack of social media, is going to accept that he may be already be trapped in game world.

... You now see my distaste for this type of MC.

At least make his personality a bit hysteric, as you have described an MC that accepts what happens to him, and leaves without fuss or thought on how he just lost his reality.

Overall, pretty good plot, slightly similar to arcane emperor, given prepared start, but should become a great story if OP-ness is regulated, and if the harem ( if there is one ) is regulated as well.

You have this guy's stamp of approval, Falconking, just, ask someone about the psychopathic MC for me.



Thanks for your remarks . And about the plot's similarity to The Arcane Emperor, I've only one thing to say to that ,well you could say that again. This entire story has been inspired from The Arcane Emperor and The Chaos Seeds Series, so there will be similarity in some of the characters, circumstances, Mechanics of the world etc. not only from the Arcane Emperor but also from The Chaos Seeds Series. But I'll try my best not to make it too much alike. As I've already said, this is going my first work so I am using these other stories as the foundation. 

Wrote: Irrelevant to the plot, but can you give a prelude describing the thief's running away? Have him show the mechanics of and some skills/items in game world ( Chance to show if there are one-time use items + repeated use ones [ Try to not let abusing mechanics if this is the case in ] ( [ Skills ] Movement, distractions, etc.), to give the idea that the MC isn't the only one with system, along with the guards using some as well.

 
Well that is indeed my idea and also the spell used to summon the MC is a "One-Time-Only-Spell". Sorry since English is not my native language I didn't get what you meant by  " shunt the plane, or parts that MC is in with the surrounding salt water" so could you plz explain it further so phrase it some other way, if possible.
 And if it is not too much to ask, can you also help me to find " Weird name for gods + Naming for world, kingdom, flora + fauna, ". I know you can't help me name each and every character, Piece of land, kingdom etc. but I would appreciate it if you can show me how to do it myself.  

Re: Need some help in improving the initial idea for my story ( first one).

#18

Wrote: Also, before you start, search the forums for some grammer software, judging by your reviews of other stories, you have most of the stuff correct, but the grammer checker will make it easier.

Rules to know:

Don't use the same word to start several sentences in the same paragraph.

Please don't use the same adjective ( really, black, bright ) twice in the same sentence, or in the surrounding ones of the sentence with the describing adjective.

Otherwise, I think you should be fine!



Point noted and will see what I can get. 

Re: Need some help in improving the initial idea for my story ( first one).

#19
Looking forward to seeing what sprouts from your mind!

Also, about the saltwater thingamajig, for whatever reason, I had the cliche imagination of the plane sinking in the middle of the Atlantic or Pacific.

Names wise, you may need some outside help. My story is based on modern day stuff, and I kind of don't have that much of a imagination towards it; I will try to help out if I do think of something though, and feel free to take that fruit name that I have for my Lyre story!

( Quawawa Fruit, I think it was? "A bitter yet refreshing foodstuff " )

I am quite curious, however, about how your spells, skills, and martial arts are powered.

You have a large variety of energies to choose from ( assuming that you deviate from good-old-mana )

- Rage

- Will power

- Auril ( you may have to ask for this one )

- [ Specialized types of Mana ]

- [ Insert your own! ]

Tell me when your story starts! ( Or when you start posting )

P.S. This is the software I'm using

https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/addon/languagetool/?src=external-ltp-homepage

Are you using chrome, firefox, of internet explore?


Re: Need some help in improving the initial idea for my story ( first one).

#20
Sorry, have been busy lately so couldn't complete writing. But still wish to start publishing by the end of the month. And will surely notify you once start publishing, after all  you guys are kind of my mentors here so your opinions are indeed very valuable to me.  


Wrote: Looking forward to seeing what sprouts from your mind!

Names wise, you may need some outside help. My story is based on modern day stuff, and I kind of don't have that much of a imagination towards it; I will try to help out if I do think of something though, and feel free to take that fruit name that I have for my Lyre story!

( Quawawa Fruit, I think it was? "A bitter yet refreshing foodstuff " )

I am quite curious, however, about how your spells, skills, and martial arts are powered.

You have a large variety of energies to choose from ( assuming that you deviate from good-old-mana )

- Rage

- Will power

- Auril ( you may have to ask for this one )

- [ Specialized types of Mana ]

- [ Insert your own! ]

Tell me when your story starts! ( Or when you start posting )

P.S. This is the software I'm using

https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/addon/languagetool/?src=external-ltp-homepage

Are you using chrome, firefox, of internet explore?

    

Thanks for the fruit name , and the spells will be powered by as you have said our "good-old-mana" and supporting it there will elements like rage, will power etc.
And isn't "Auril"  the Frostmaiden,  goddess of cold and winter in the Forgotten Realms, for the Dungeons & Dragons fantasy role-playing game?
I am using Chrome.