Re: Personality help!

#1
My story starts from a character non-cannon to the actual story, Worm, thereafter making a slight problem. In order to have a story with comedy, definition and general meaning without devolving into the classic psychopathic MC, I have to give my guy quirks and personality... but that's my problem. I can't seem to be able to give Noah life, and I would like to address this before I get far into the story.

If there is anything anybody can do to help, please respond.

Re: Personality help!

#2
It's really not too bad. You're already treating the narrative like it's the characters' perspective...
One area I think you can improve upon for that deeper connection is filters.
Several times you tell us he's feeling or thinking stuff instead of actually showing/describing what he's thinking/feeling.
Example: "he felt a chill."
*A chill crawled down his spine*
That was pretty cliche but you get the idea I hope Tongue

A second thing is that you use the word 'began' a LOT.
If things only 'begin' to happen, does it actually happen? See how that can mislead and confuse readers?
Let's take an example:
"Noah began to smile"
So did he smile or not?
If he did smile, then saying: *Noah smiled* is more accurate and simple anyway.
I recommend eliminating the word 'began' from your narrative for at least a little while. (Good practice Wink
New Reply