Re: Need help with proofreading and editing

#2

Should I post comments under individual chapters or here?

For example, the intro of your first chapter already has several style problem, that you switch past tense with present tense and such.

Also this sentence

    Inside that cave sits five short bipedal mammals, 

When have you have heard the word sits used in such a sentence? 
And they are short bipedal? Short relative to what? What's the standard? is there a larger biped mammal there?

    He brings these two stones together with a loud clack

You switch to present tense in this sentence. Better to use brought here.

    Each time he does this a spark is made, each time this spark is made the sticks get hotter, and soon they begin to burn with small embers and smoke rises, the man drops the stones and begins to blow onto the embers.

This is not how fire making works with flint. Please watch a video on how to start a fire with flint. https://youtu.be/Ic_EUtH-JQA?t=97 

For the rest, I'd suggest you first read over your chapters yourself and fix all the little style errors and grammatical errors. Try running your chapters through Grammarly first. I put it in and it found 80 spelling/grammatical errors.
That leaves out other style errors like 

     it eats through till the wood is chard black


Blackened wood is actually wood fibers that are converted to carbon, which is very energy intensive as long as there is a steady supply of oxygen to keep the burning active. It's when it turns to white ash that there is no more gain to get from it. Another thing is: Chard is a vegetable, the word you're looking for is charred.






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