Re: Tana's Week of Reviews

#23
Your writing in and of itself isn't terrible. Few typos, little to no purple prose, and you paint a clean, clear progression.

What you need to do is add a flourish. Describe things. Explain emotions, ideas, and the function of these deities... how do they perceive the world, what senses do they possess, how do they think? Give characters names.

Also, give them motivations. Why is it that this thing wants a "vacation", what is it looking for? Give it a mid-life crisis or something.

Re: Tana's Week of Reviews

#24
... Why do people think I'm a heartless monster?

It's not my fault that some writers are just terrible.

Everlosst Wrote: Having looked at the reviews you've done thus far, I feel like I'm actually in queue for a roast, buuuut:

I don't know why. Other than needing some cleanup in editing, you have yourself a damn good story with an excellent main character and story premise.

Re: Tana's Week of Reviews

#25
I get nervous when waiting for critiques.  Nothing like expressly asking someone for their opinion and then waiting for it to really give you a chance to second guess yourself.  Thanks for the review, while I'm at it.

I'm afraid I have to admit I have actually already done a comma roundup on the prologue.  That is the better version.  Though, I did spend most of the effort rounding out Felix and Koale.  They were extraordinarily flat the first time around.  That said, once I've built up a bit more buffer, I'll take another pass through the prologue and smooth things out more.

Re: Tana's Week of Reviews

#26
Everlosst Wrote: Nothing like expressly asking someone for their opinion and then waiting for it to really give you a chance to second guess yourself.  Thanks for the review, while I'm at it.
Oh, don't I know it. Part of why I'm not asking for reviews. I'll get them if I get them. Instead I'll just have to content myself with a bunch of super positive scores.



Everlosst Wrote: I'm afraid I have to admit I have actually already done a comma roundup on the prologue.  That is the better version.  Though, I did spend most of the effort rounding out Felix and Koale.  They were extraordinarily flat the first time around.  That said, once I've built up a bit more buffer, I'll take another pass through the prologue and smooth things out more.
Oof... do it again... but the rounding out the characters certainly paid off, and in the end that's probably the more important part of the story.

Re: Tana's Week of Reviews

#29
Tana Nari Wrote: In order to make that remotely accurate even on a metaphorical level, I'd have to go through and delete the bad stories from the internet. Which I wouldn't do even if I could.

At worst, I'm telling people with ugly babies that their babies are ugly.

Partially true, because you are specifically targeting the stories with low review counts. The score you give has a high weight, likely sinking the story beyond the point when anyone will be willing to read it when it shows up in the queue, further reducing the chances for offsetting scores (that is low to begin with, as most people do not leave comments/reviews on the story that is just okay). At this point, author might as well delete it. 

Re: Tana's Week of Reviews

#31
*Shrugs*

Well, if not being part of a hugbox makes me a dick, then I'm okay with being a dick.

The job of a reviewer is to provide a review. To explain to the potential readers what the story is and does, and whether it's worth their time.

If someone wants editorial feedback, then they should be asking for that, instead of a review.

Re: Tana's Week of Reviews

#32
Nothing personal was implied. 

I just pointed out that there is more impact to scoring than you stated specifically because you deal with fictions in the new and low review count bracket. 

Review is reader-facing, rather than writer-facing (critique). So, yes, a writer with a low review count takes a risk asking for a review, and it is better not to do so, as the readership numbers is an indicator enough, and improvement requires editorial help or critique, not a review. 

In other words, if one’s fiction does not receive enthusiastic views and spontaneous commentary, asking for a review is more likely to hurt than to help. Critique is what the person needs. 

Re: Tana's Week of Reviews

#33
You bring up an interesting point.

One I disagree with, mind, but interesting. Amongst other things, outside the "trending" section, it's not easy to view the stars a story possesses. You have to click the title, scroll down to the reviews, and then maybe a story doesn't even have a review to see the ranking of.

So ultimately you've already got the person on your story before they have a chance to see the reviews. Which is a... weird system, I'll admit, but maybe it's that way for all the reasons you listed?

And maybe they do need critique, but there's a certain point where critique isn't going to help. The writer needs years of effort to even reach the proficiency expected of public high school students. American public high school students, at that. 

In either case, I offered reviews here, not critiques, and so it's reviews I plan to deliver.

Re: Tana's Week of Reviews

#34
Tana Nari Wrote: You bring up an interesting point.

One I disagree with, mind, but interesting. Amongst other things, outside the "trending" section, it's not easy to view the stars a story possesses. You have to click the title, scroll down to the reviews, and then maybe a story doesn't even have a review to see the ranking of.

So ultimately you've already got the person on your story before they have a chance to see the reviews. Which is a... weird system, I'll admit, but maybe it's that way for all the reasons you listed?

And maybe they do need critique, but there's a certain point where critique isn't going to help. The writer needs years of effort to even reach the proficiency expected of public high school students. American public high school students, at that. 

In either case, I offered reviews here, not critiques, and so it's reviews I plan to deliver.

Hmm, for me the aggregated scores on the story come up if I press stats, immediately after clicking the title, I don’t need to scroll. 

Cheers, sorry about sidetracking.

Re: Tana's Week of Reviews

#35
Domi Sotto Wrote: Hmm, for me the aggregated scores on the story come up if I press stats, immediately after clicking the title, I don’t need to scroll. 

Cheers, sorry about sidetracking.

... Huh... so they are... maybe it's more visible to you, but on my browser that "stats" line is very easy to overlook. I didn't even notice it existed.

And please, if you're going to sidetrack me with interesting stuff to talk about, there's no need to apologize. I wish all sidetracking was interesting.