Re: The Heroes of Opal - Feedback wanted

#1
Hi,
So here is the link to my fiction. 
It's more of a traditionally written story than a web-novel (slower pacing, denser text), it's a fantasy-adventure in a low-tech world. With a rough goal of completing the story at 100k words. I did take a rather long pause after publishing my 2nd chapter but I'm determined to finish it. 

Before I go too far, I would like to read a few comments or advice. What you liked or didn't, about the story itself or my writing. It's my first novel attempt and I feel like I'm stumbling through a dark room ankle deep in hungry rats. Though I've read quite a few writing guide books.


The link is also in my sig if the one above doesn't work. Thanks in advance!

Re: The Heroes of Opal - Feedback wanted

#3
It's interesting, and the setting is thoroughly described.  It's a slow build, like a traditional fantasy novel.  It would take a few chapters to truly grip the reader, but most good fantasy novels build that way.  The only thing I'd say is you need to do a line edit and fix the run-on sentences.  There were a lot, which made it difficult to follow the long descriptive paragraphs.  Other than that, you did a good job of garnering sympathy for your MC.