Re: Are Romcoms to women what Harems are to men?

Before we start, let me give you a bit of background first.

So, my lady friend and I were sitting at my place last night and she was watching some drama on Netflix, so I decided to continue working on my story.

This came as a surprise to her and she felt a bit upset, which I did not know at the time.

When I finally coaxed the reason out of her, it sparked a debate.

The title says harems because it is more pertinent to the people on the forums, but it could include games which I know some women and men have problems with. (the oversexualization)  

It was sparked by a question she asked me. "Why do all men hate Romcoms?"

I will say this, it was a generalization and it came from a place that I find cute. (She wanted me to spend time with her.)
There are most definitely guys that like them.

All that aside, the question made me start to think. (I really don't like Romcoms.) 

I have heard it said that harems are wish fulfillment and unrealistic- that sort of thing, but are most Romcoms not the same?

For the people rolling their eyes at me, hear me out first.

The men in these stories always seem willing to sacrifice their dreams, careers and sometimes even their lives to win the women's affection. I don't have any data to back this up, but I feel like these movies would cause women (not all) to have unrealistic expectations from men and give them a false idea of what love should be like. Expectations that men would have to live up to. I personally feel it would not be fair. 

So people have issues with the oversexualized games and harem stories because the females depicted in them promote body issues and stuff like that. I agree to an extend, but its not any better when men are expected to be prince charming, ready and willing to risk ourselves mentally, physically and emotionally and are called selfish for daring to have our own desires.

To me these stories bolster the idea that women should expect to have their boyfriends/husbands be their knight in shining armour. Give them everything of who they are, dehumanizing themselves for the women's pleasure and perverted idea of what love and romance is. I don't find that romantic at all.

Some, may be scoffing or feeling offended right about now, but does that not prove my point? Thinking that its wrong and selfish that a man should not give in to all of his counter part's demands. 

I will say this. Where I am from men used to be taught that they have to be that knight to a degree, you know the whole you have to provide, care for and give safety to your woman. So some part of me is also conditioned to be the knight and i believe it is the same for a lot of others that were taught the same.

What do you guys think?  Lets keep the conversation going.

Also, my story is not a harem.

Re: Are Romcoms to women what Harems are to men?

If you dig into feminist literature, romance fiction tends to be shred to pieces. Within the stories, the role depictions are based on bourgeois citizenship ideas, they cling to nuclear family ideals, push the binary gender constructs and often combine with fetishized homophobia and sometimes violent transphobic rhetoric. Romance Novels, in particular, can be every bit as raunchy and depraved as some outright porn stories. Gender Studies might just agree with your point of view on romcom and romance novels.

Personally, my issue isn't with the wish fulfillment or the sexual part of the content. I'm of the opinion that centuries of being ashamed of sexuality and making a taboo out of it have brought us the current mess, where a woman breastfeeding is somehow global news again. We don't need less sexuality in media, we need much more of it until it's so mundane, all the arcane mysticism is lost.
However, the roles and ideas about society in both types of media (harem and romcom) do rub me the wrong way but I'm not going to fight them. They'll naturally shift over time. That said, while there is a bit of double standard when it comes to romcom and harem, it bears to keep in mind that romcoms are usually PG-13 with a kiss at most and harems have the connotation of being much more focused on sexuality and would be closer to an NC-17 rating. Now romance novels... hah, if we'd be honest, they'd get hammered with an adult only rating. Sorry, personal pet peeve after having to edit several dozens of these things.

Romcom and harem aren't equivalent, no. Harem and romance novels are much closer and have significant wish fulfillment overlap. Both go nuts on weird societal roles and ideas.

Re: Are Romcoms to women what Harems are to men?

There is a reason why romcoms are sometimes called "chick flicks". They are basically(often, but not always) softcore porn for women. Even when the protagonist is a man, it's  more about "breaking" him... making him see his "wrongs" and "compromise" (submit) to every whim of a woman.... for a kiss.... Can't get much more pathetic than that in my opinion.

The same is true for (rom) comedy sitcoms. The man is always the stupid joke, who has to apologize in the end to get back his lost favor of the (or all) female characters.

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