Re: Need help with my story's description please

#1
 I'm writing a series of loosely connected short stories that take place in a sci-fi fantasy setting, and I have a few chapters up already, but I don't think my description works well, so I wanted some advise. I put the original description first, then the new version. Please let me know which one works best, or if they both don't work.

Current description:

Many years ago, two ancient galaxies: the kingdom of Kugora and the Wrag of the dark ones, were entangled in a fierce war. The dark ones forcefully fed from the life energy of Kugora, and in a momentous battle, the kingdom of Kugora was destroyed. Their end was so catastrophic that the energy released from its destruction, bled into this dimension, in the location where a new galaxy was forming. As the energy interacted with young planets, it accelerated their development, allowing life to form on seemingly impossible biomes.
 
More than 10 billion years later, that life evolved into the beings that inhabit the Nol Galaxy. For over 600 million years intelligent life has existed in Nol, and civilizations have formed and collapsed. Currently, nineteen planets of the Nol galaxy have beings of supreme abilities, and sixteen of them have formed the Galactic Union, the rest are scores of planets with weaker life that are deemed the colonies.
 
This is a collection of stories from Nol. Explore the galaxy through the eyes of nobles from Laurim, runners from Deresh, and dive into the complex minds of the intellects from Iclax. See stories of daily life, war, politics, love, and tragedy as they unfold on alien worlds. Looking into the hearts of Nol’s people, how they change and influence each other.


New Version:


The Nol galaxy is home to a host of races, from the divine Ciesites and godlike Marakians, to a multitude of mundane colony plants. As the galaxy enters another era peace under the guidance of the galactic union, some conflicts persist. Ancient enemies from the dark realm still plague the galaxy, allies turn to enemies, planets are destroyed, the house of Lupaine struggles to maintain balance, and yet for many, life continues undisturbed.

These stories will be windows into the daily lives of the beings from Nol. Some stories will be exciting, some will be dull. Some characters will be powerful, while others will be weak; some will be poor and others rich, however, all the stories will allow you to live for a moment in the astonishing Nol galaxy.


Thank you!





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