Proofreading and grammar editor
If your native language is something besides English, is there a particular reason you don't want to write it in your first language? It might be easier for you to write fluidly in a more familiar language.
7midnight, if I were you I'd just try to learn a bit more English. Maybe try a free program like Duolingo? Reading a lot of English novels will also work. I took a look at your first chapter, and you mostly struggle with sentence structure. I've got some very old stories uploaded in the depths of the internet somewhere that probably read simular. Take your time learning, don't stop writing, you'll get better with every sentence.
Some specific things I noticed:
- clean up the way you write your dialogue. Right now you go "character is saying something" character shrieked "and character continues to say something"
it's easier to read if you add in some periods and comma's: "character is saying something," haracter shrieked "and character continues to say something."
To make it even better, change most of your dialogue tags (shrieked, yelled, exclaimed, etc) to said. If you write the thing said well, you won't need the descriptor.
- No make clear something is a thought, italize it. The reader will notice the difference before you even add 'he thought'. Might make your second chapter a whole lot easier to read.
Your entire fanfic is a bit much for me to edit, but if you have any specific questions, feel free to shoot me a message
On the notes, I also have finished my study in Duolingo but I still struggle to write in English. People said that I am okay enough when I speak English, but I am completely rubbish when I write something in English. That is why I posted my story here in hope that someone will point out my mistakes (and maybe can help how to fix it?). I try to improve in every chapter I update, I hope I will get better. I won't stop writing even when I am aware the story is not good. I am also learning by writing this story.
If only for fun. I also posted my story in ffn which not many readers mind about my grammar mistake and just read it for fun.
Thank you again for your suggestion and kind words, also for offering your help. I will take the help you offered in the future. Thank you so much.