To Break The World

To Break The World

by LordFraxinus

Original HIATUS Fantasy LitRPG Virtual Reality

Genesis had become the biggest and most popular vrmmorpg in the world, with a massive part of the world's population playing. But after several years the games quests have started to become repetitive, and the nations have reached a status quo.

Not willing to let the game he loves fall to ruin, Matthew Harper has planned to shake things up...

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LordFraxinus

LordFraxinus

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The Feedback Troupe
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A good read for fans of the genre - RR Reviews

 Public Review (As of Chapter 31)

Spoiler: Summary

2.Review:

When this Novel does something right, it does it amazingly well.

However, its flaws are in no way inferior.

 

a.Short verdict:

Overall Score:3.5

This is a good read for people interested in crafting/creation stories and anyone interested in seeing a Virtual Reality setting which is utilized properly.

 

The writing is great and the characters have a healthy dose of humour. However questioning the progression of the plot and their actions may ruin the fun.

 

b.Long Review

Style Score: 5

Grammar Score: 5

The writing very much suits the story. There are no grammar mistakes to speak of and any descriptions are clear and concise, wasting no time so that the focus can stay entirely on the plot and characters.

 

Story Score: 3

First of all, I have to commend this novel for actually utilizing the framework of a Virtual Reality Game, through the connection between the game company and main character.

 

However I couldn’t help but notice the lopsided approach to story progression. Either the main character stumbles over a challenge to overcome or finds someone that needs his help.

So far the side characters have lacked any initiative of their own beyond their initial conception which leaves them feeling passive.  

 

Aside from this the MCs main power is never properly explained. While the monsters he creates are great characters in their own right, their power level seems arbitrary.

 

Yes, it is still well written, but for these reasons I simply couldn’t give a better score.

 

Character Score: 3

I want to be extremely clear. I think the characters are rather likeable and consistent in dialogues.

 

But their backstories and their actions don’t align. As I’ve mentioned in the story section they are mostly passive and fail to enact plans of their own.

Unfortunately the main character is the worst of the bunch, but the one I have to base the review around as we get to know him the best.

 

His motivation supposedly was to get people to revisit the game, by changing content. But this is utterly forgotten and his abilities which can do that very thing are used for his leisure at best and as means to an end as worst.

 

The leader of the Game Company very much has the same problem, since he never cares about what he hired the MC for, aside from apparently shouting at him. This also leads to the question how someone like him got into his position, as he fails to show any leadership or plans.

SamHaine
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Really good potential wasted early on on the fridge...

The story started out perfectly, we get a manmade apocalypse on a rather extreme scale. Then we get to a second chapter that is a cathastrophe.

Suspension of disbelief was shaking as soon as the MC found strangers in his home and proceeded to first talk to them and then leave with them so easily. The fact that those two got into his house on their own should have been much more alarming - and simply backing away to his car and fleeing the scene would have seemed much more believable. I mean, going with people that immeadiately looked threatening to any place that they have sole control over is simply idiocy.

Then the whole booardroom scene... It just doesn't make any sense!

First of all, the perspective of said company:

  • They claim that they were financially struggling due to the secondary economy of the game nettig them only 5% of the transaction values. Impossible. First: any ibcome from these markets should be considered as extra profit, with base subscriptions/normal costs already covering their standard expenses, any other business models would pretty much count as a dumping type violation of competition laws. Second, even if your fiction's legalsystem would allow that, if they actually singned agreements that led to such a situation, then their whole business and legal teams are amateurs, and should have been fired years ago, replaced by more competent people. This is not even taking into account the fact that 5% of such a large scale business should be more than enough to keep the company in the black...
  • Then the whole way they acted: sending employees to commit actual crimes, and admitting to/threatening with doing more of the same against a person who was willing to destroy a world (even if it was only a virtual one). His actions screamed revolutionary and anarchist, even if his manners didn't. (They even looked surprised at how he looked and acted...) Public suicide waiting to happen.
  • Then there was that contract they had at the ready... Why, just why? On the one hand, it would be unenforcable in any reasonable court if law: first, it was signed under explicit duress with the MC not even reading it beforehand, second it is highly one-sided, which would be more than enough on its own to get it dismissed, third, its main point is to circumvent legal agreements and obligations of the company - basically a crime in itself.
  • And why was there even a need for it at all, why not leave it at just finding out how the MC did it and saying goodbye? The CEO even admitted that the MC's actions were beneficial to them... Then he proceeded to hold a metaphorical gun to the MC's head, forcing him to sign a contract that is equivalent of handing him the remote detonator to all the explosives they planted below their own building, telling him that they would be paying him to basically do what he wanted with just a few papers to hold against him... Couldn't actually be more stupid than that, even if they tried...

The we have our illusrrious MC. Supposedly intelligent and diligent enough to create destruction equal to bringing down half the world - I mean all those prifessional terrorist organisations that are active in the world never managed to come close to a single percent of what he did even if you add up all their actions. I mean, killing 90% of all living creatures of a world half the size of Earth - comes to 45% of what we have out here, at least 3 billion people, 3 continents and the collateral damage - I'm not even sure that a nuclear war would be that effective... Anyway, disregarding how it was even possible or plausible to do it, it would have taken considerable intellect and guts. None of which we have seen from the MC in the second chapter. I mean, he signed a contract he never read, after he clearly knew that the company was basically hostile to him. Idiocy. Then proceeded to let them take thesi.gle original copy out of his sight. I think this should be called being too stupid to live.

All this lead to the fact that it didn't even take the fridge to shatter suspension of disbelief for me. I got so mad, that I actually closed the story at about the point where the MC signed the contract. I had to look it up in my browser history to come back to writing this review.

O end thus I'd like to state that I realize that the whole contract spiel was supposed to be a plot device to get the MC back into the game, but it was done so terribly that it ruined any chance of.me enjoying the story.

paksheet
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MC is an asshole loser with no life

The characters suck. This genre doesn't have to have a story. Just great characters. But the characters of "To Break the World" suck. 

MC is completely unlikeable. All games eventually die, and people eventually leave. Nothing lasts forever. The sensible thing to do is to move on. Instead, this guy spends 3 years alone in the game (while doing a minimum wage job even with a college degree, no friends, no family, no savings, no future) in order to destroy everything inside it. As in literally bomb the entire game world. However, in a Korean LN kind of way (like Legendary Moonlight Sculptor), there are tons of real world people and companies making their living owning virtual property in the game. So he just actually screwed thousands of people of their jobs and savings. And he knows it. He's so afraid of people finding out because he knows they will kill him. He still does it anyway.

However, his luck is good and he gets hired by the game company to create more chaos because while the whole world was screwed over, this event just turned the dying game into a new one, like some kind of twisted server reset. Catch is, he has no choice but to be a slave to a very unrealistic asshole of epic proportions. He does however, get a bonus of 3 million dollars, which is the price people would pay to have him killed. Aside from his new and improved salary of course.

So now, he goes around playing the game 20 hours a day while being a complete loser.

1. He wants to make real money by selling things he makes in game, but it gets vetoed by his boss because, you know, it's his job already. You get a starting bonus of 3 million dollars, and 2 weeks into your job you want another pay raise? Probably not. Then he throws a tantrum.

2. He wants to make money to escape his boss which is understandable, but it's completely retarded he's trying to do this IN the game where he is being monitored 24/7 because, you know, his boss owns the damn game.

3. He spends 20/7 in the game when he just got millions. Because he has no friends or family IRL. And nowhere in his contract states he has to play this hard. He wants to escape his boss but spends 20 hours everyday playing. Nothing else. He doesn't even think of the shit he is in. Just play. 20/7. The one thing he wants to do is quit his job. Where he is being paid to play. But he doesn't think of how he will do this. He just plays. There is literally nothing else he knows how to do. But play. If he quits, he will go back to his minimum wage job he doesn't particularly like. And play every moment of his free time. He still wants to quit. But he still does nothing but play.

4. He tries to get some guy who got killed IRL blamed for his actions. The dead guy's entire guild will probably get killed too? Sure, no problem for him. 

5. This MC throws a TANTRUM for every single thing his boss does. I think the author means for him to be a rager, but no. He's just throwing a tantrum. Over and over and over.

6. In the end, he knew going in that this would make the whole world his enemy. He still does it. He knew that he is screwing thousands of people over. He still does it. He knows he deserves everything that is happening to him now. He admits it. He still throws a damn tantrum every single chapter. It's seriously annoying.

As for the only other character in the story, his boss... the most unrealistic, pettiest, small minded "intelligent" rich guy. An asshole of epic proportions. Thing is, he's being an unrealistic asshole, unrealistically.

Falcops
Overall
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Great start but it turn bad really fast

Honestly, i truly liked the start. Even if there is some difficulties in believing that someone could destroy a world all alone with manmade tools, it's a virtual world so why not.

But, i couldn't take the second chapter. I mean, the dude destroy 90% of the game but decide to follow suspicious men that basically intrude themself in his house. After that, there is a whole chapter of legal and commercial stupidities. Clearly a game that cause the death of a player by releasing the irl information for money will, at best loose all the playerbase, and in the worse case will be shut down by a process against them. At the same time, they force a contract against the mc wich in by no earth legislation will ever be recognised and the mc is dumb enough to sign it without even read it. This dude was presented like an intelligent person but it seems that the apocalypse is more a stroke of luck than a great designated plan.

And after that, the author seems to just push all the badluck on the mc for no reason. Once again, the developper of the game wanted him to shake the game constantly but for that they give him a slave gremlin character. i mean, for chrits sake, it would be much more effective in giving him a character like a a great mage or the leader of a great cest or kingdom. That would clearly be more effective for the achieving their goal.

The next chapters just reveal that the mc is just a whiny bitch and no way a genius like we could have thought with first chapter. Just one word for this story, disappointment

DrunkCat
Overall

After a long time better.

Reviewed at: Chapter 39

The newest chapters show some improvement. The dick of a company owner gets the boot MC he gets called out for his BS.  Now it's actually a mater of maintaining the tone and not regressing. 

Alkanyseus
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I finally am writing a review for this story.

So here is my review, please keep in mind that I am also just an imperfect human, and that my view may not agree with yours :P

Anyways, I like that although the setting is within a virtual world shortly after an apocalypse, the virtual world itself wasn't intended to have such a thing happen and this shows how much a character can influence the world.

 

I also like the skillet of the main character, since it is rather interactive with the world.

Furthermore i also think while it is ratherunique and strong if used in the right ways it also bears certain risks and the right mind to apply it.

 

Anyways guys, please don't be discouraged by the other reviews and at least give this story a try~

alexanderyou
Overall

Starts with a V for vendetta thing, continues with random bullshitery. Pretty fun.

JayQue
Overall

Love it. Write more already!

Engaging story and involves evolving/upgrading stuff in the best way.

Also had me giggling irl so thats 4 stars right off the bat

hybridsteele
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So I just started reading this and I'm sad to say that while this story is ingenious in its idea, I personally find that it is lacking enough backbone to work. What I mean is that the MC at the stage of chapter 2 (where I read to) was sorely lacking the necessary strengths to truly be an MC. As a support player the MC shows amazing qualities. But a support player will always be that, a supporter. Example would be if the MC was a CC based player, he then could be a focal point instead of a prop for others. 

 

This is all just my perspective and should not sway any new readers. I only made this review for the author so that they know another opinion for the story.

PoppitKiller
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Don't go Breaking the World: A Review

To Break the World is one of the most promising, if not the most promising, new novels here at Royal Road.

The editing is almost at publication level quality, the character development happens quickly yet does not seek forced. The world is vast and easily allows for fantastic development. The plot is a fantastic mix of stereotypes of the genre with a very unique twist given by the author. As a reader I can't begin to speak of how exciting it is to see the beginning of a novel I would quite literally endorse.

Even though the author mentions this is his first novel, the craftsmanship and style is that of accomplished writers. I hope the author continues on this exceptional path and considers publishing. I seriously believe that this novel could succeed where many others have failed. 

Be sure to read *To Break the World* and offer your opinions as well to this fantastic amateur novelist! 

-The PoppitKiller