Of Deities and Dimensions

by BradKingLida

Original HIATUS Action Adventure Sci-fi Magic Supernatural
Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore
  • Profanity
  • Sexual Content
  • Traumatising content

Zackery Taylor was enjoying his life as an E-sport professional gamer, climbing the ladder and respectfully typing 'gg' whenever he lost. Then the Earth received a visit from an interdimensional deity named Akmadouric, who had come to recruit soldiers for his war against that should not exist. In exchange those who fight for him will receive immortality. Who could refuse?
But very quickly he figures out that he is in way over his head as he enters a universe of infinite possibility.

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 story arc 3 in progress

  • Overall Score
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BradKingLida

BradKingLida

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Table of Contents
Chapter Name Release Date
Prologue - Arrival ago
1. The interview ago
2. Akma ago
3. Preparations ago
4. Orientation ago
5. Upgrades ago
6. Training day ago
7. Welcome to the unknown ago
8. Hroyd ago
9: Becker's first raid ago
10. The nature of the multiverse ago
11. Foothold ago
12. Three months later ago
13. Mrs. Blakes proposal ago
14. Coming back ago
15. Training under a 12th century Shaolin Monk ago
16. The man at the center ago
17. Looking to the future ago
18. The Dirske ago
19. Bayei ago
20. Flight ago
21. The Lowlands ago
22. First to discover ago
23. Dragon Slayer ago
24. Make it stop ago
25. The results of Zack's decision ago
26. Ozone surfing ago
27. The Shunned ago
28. Blennokinesis ago
29. The Xarkris deal ago
30. The invasion force assembles ago
31. The opening moves of the game ago
32. The Board and Pieces ago
33. The sphere ago
34. The depths ago
35. The Sea floor ago
36. The frontlines ago
37. Coming out of the artificial ocean ago
38. The Giant Death Robot ago
39. The Real Mission ago
40. Unity ago
41. The Psionic Recovery Unit ago
42. Earth ago
43. Death (final chapter) ago
(BK2) Chapter 1. What rose out of the lake ago

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Sedactive
  • Overall Score

I will leave my review open a simple 4 star rating as 5 will only be given if i gasm at a novel.

So it can either stay 4 star or slowly become lower if i can make up legimate reasons as to why.

 

As for the only things i will put into my review it will be a comment i placed at the end of chapter 4.

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immensely entertaining, i see that you got 4 chapters out including the prologue in 10 days which would translate to 1 chapter per 2 and a half day.

I hope u keep working on this novel as the current world building and future expectations i have are promising, its that feeling where you are wondering what will happen next what weird ass creature or alien or even alien society in a "closed space" will enter the stage next.

I have zero feelings at the moment that this will be a cliche or some power wank even if the MC becomes very powerfull i think it will be from basic combat with laser weapons and green lantern powers on low power output.

To flying tru the sky and hitting shit like superman to eventually become super man with the class arch mage ect.

Anyway i really hope u continue with this pace without forcing yourself as i hate dilluted stories the most.

 

Thx for the chapter/novel keep it up (and it seems the rival oft he MC will be that Ace guy not necesarly rival but more like butt buddy?)

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The only thing i can add is that i expect the fighting to start at a jedi level maybe some xman dudes but thats it.

Eventually he will enter into the ranks of truly powerfull beings and i am looking forward to what type of world aka just anything around the character will look like.

hao16
  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score

A good start, but meanders off into boringland

What started off as yet another generic deity bringing yet another generic system to the world quickly meanders off into making the MC an almost Gary Stuesque character, only to fail at that and thus leave a bad taste in readers mouths. The plot is ostenibly about a calamity the Earth is undergoing and some benevolent deity bringing in a shop system in return for army service, but we have cnflicting elements at play here. On one hand, there are undertones of an apocalypse happening if people dont gear up and start fighting, but this vibe is quickly destroyed by introducing VR elements like a second body and revival.

The characters are a steaming pile of mess. Now if something calamitious happens on the Earth you would at least see a modicum of an organized response from the Government, but the novel conveneiently ignores all of that and pretends that life goes on as usual. The MC signs up fr army service with the interdimensional sanity sapping deity for....becoming better at playing videogames. Yep, you didn't read me wrong. He decided to play a videogame to become better at a videogame. 

The already struggling plotline is given the coup-de-grace by poorly introduced romance, where the MC decides to save some damsel-in-distress for no reason, despite being a sekf-avowed narcisstic nihilist. Yep, completely consistent. 

The grammar is okay at best but often bad and could go through a proofreader or two. The tense jumps rapidly and even active/passive voices intermingle quite often. 

Now this is obviously a critical review, but this comes not out of malice but out of sheer goodwill for the author. I like the enthusiasm the author displays here, but reading and factoring in feedback is arguably the most important part of a good novel. Because the novel isn't about the author, it's about the readers. I wish the author can take this feedback and iterate upon better in his/her future endevaours, but I've lost interest in this particular work.

Loptr
  • Overall Score

This story has promise,but I found it to be very choppy with very short arcs.

More detail needs to be put in to the world building.

Also the characters need to be fleshed out more. As they are right now i don't care if they all die. There is just no conection to them.