Of Deities and Dimensions

I will leave my review open a simple 4 star rating as 5 will only be given if i gasm at a novel.

So it can either stay 4 star or slowly become lower if i can make up legimate reasons as to why.

As for the only things i will put into my review it will be a comment i placed at the end of chapter 4.

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immensely entertaining, i see that you got 4 chapters out including the prologue in 10 days which would translate to 1 chapter per 2 and a half day.

I hope u keep working on this novel as the current world building and future expectations i have are promising, its that feeling where you are wondering what will happen next what weird ass creature or alien or even alien society in a "closed space" will enter the stage next.

I have zero feelings at the moment that this will be a cliche or some power wank even if the MC becomes very powerfull i think it will be from basic combat with laser weapons and green lantern powers on low power output.

To flying tru the sky and hitting shit like superman to eventually become super man with the class arch mage ect.

Anyway i really hope u continue with this pace without forcing yourself as i hate dilluted stories the most.

Thx for the chapter/novel keep it up (and it seems the rival oft he MC will be that Ace guy not necesarly rival but more like butt buddy?)

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The only thing i can add is that i expect the fighting to start at a jedi level maybe some xman dudes but thats it.

Eventually he will enter into the ranks of truly powerfull beings and i am looking forward to what type of world aka just anything around the character will look like.

What started off as yet another generic deity bringing yet another generic system to the world quickly meanders off into making the MC an almost Gary Stuesque character, only to fail at that and thus leave a bad taste in readers mouths. The plot is ostenibly about a calamity the Earth is undergoing and some benevolent deity bringing in a shop system in return for army service, but we have cnflicting elements at play here. On one hand, there are undertones of an apocalypse happening if people dont gear up and start fighting, but this vibe is quickly destroyed by introducing VR elements like a second body and revival.

The characters are a steaming pile of mess. Now if something calamitious happens on the Earth you would at least see a modicum of an organized response from the Government, but the novel conveneiently ignores all of that and pretends that life goes on as usual. The MC signs up fr army service with the interdimensional sanity sapping deity for....becoming better at playing videogames. Yep, you didn't read me wrong. He decided to play a videogame to become better at a videogame. 

The already struggling plotline is given the coup-de-grace by poorly introduced romance, where the MC decides to save some damsel-in-distress for no reason, despite being a sekf-avowed narcisstic nihilist. Yep, completely consistent. 

The grammar is okay at best but often bad and could go through a proofreader or two. The tense jumps rapidly and even active/passive voices intermingle quite often. 

Now this is obviously a critical review, but this comes not out of malice but out of sheer goodwill for the author. I like the enthusiasm the author displays here, but reading and factoring in feedback is arguably the most important part of a good novel. Because the novel isn't about the author, it's about the readers. I wish the author can take this feedback and iterate upon better in his/her future endevaours, but I've lost interest in this particular work.

This story has promise,but I found it to be very choppy with very short arcs.

More detail needs to be put in to the world building.

Also the characters need to be fleshed out more. As they are right now i don't care if they all die. There is just no conection to them.

As I wrote in the title, the story is great, the writing needs some work.

The writer created a fantastic world with amazing characters, but the glaring grammatical mistakes make me wince. There are words that should be capitalized and are not, the dialogue is great but the punctuation in it is not that good. 

I am sure that with practice the writing can improve greatly!