Under a Boundless Sky

by RivertheRoyal

Original HIATUS Action Fantasy Sci-fi Female Lead Magic Martial Arts School Life Secret Identity Strategy Strong Lead Virtual Reality

If you were to ask someone what they thought of Revian Snow, they would say that she's small. Cute too. Doesn't talk much. Average grades, and hard to find in a crowd, though you'd think that someone with her looks would be more noticeable. She also plays the popular VRMMO's for some reason, but doesn't like to interact with others too much, even online. 

In short, she doesn't stand out too much. 

She likes it that way—After all, it's much easier to keep a secret when nobody's looking for one.

 


 If you enjoy my work, please consider supporting me on Patreon. It's a great help to me, and a very good motivation to do better, and more. 

I hope you continue to enjoy what I write! 

 

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Author
RivertheRoyal

RivertheRoyal

Directionally Challenged Penguin

Achievements
Great Commenter (V)
3rd Anniversary
Toplist #70
Word Smith (VI)
Village Head (VI)
I Am Flying (VIII)
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Table of Contents
Chapter Name Release Date
Chapter 1: (Ostensibly) A Normal Weekend ago
Chapter 2: A Normal Weekend: Part two ago
Chapter 3: The Peculiarities of Modern Society ago
Chapter 4: Just Give us a Dragon to Fight Next Time, Okay? ago
Chapter 5: They Lied About the Whole Apple Thing. ago
Chapter 6: It's Still Not Quite a Dragon. ago
Chapter 7: Some People are a Special Type of Conceited ago
Chapter 8: Sometimes, Things Just Get Confusing With More Information. ago
Chapter 9: Dragon!!! ago
Chapter 10: I Learned it From The Internet. ago
Chapter 11: Guests Are Not Always Welcome. ago
Chapter 12: Clueless People Tend to Be Annoying. ago
Chapter 13: Who Says A Fake Can't Surpass The Real Thing? ago
Chapter 14: Besieged From all Sides ago
Chapter 15: Side Characters Can Be Rather Important. ago
Chapter 16: All The Compassion Of A Hired Hand. ago
Chapter 17: Enough Is Enough, Right? ago
Chapter 18: And Now For Some Downtime. ago
Chapter 19: Predictable People Are Wonderful. ago
Chapter 20: All Things Must End. ago
Chapter 21: Killing Intent Only Gives You Away, Idiot. ago
Chapter 22: Of Power, And The Lack Thereof. ago
Chapter 23: A Reprieve ago
Chapter 24: When a good plan comes together.... ago
Chapter 25: Six of one.... ago
Chapter 26: ...Half a dozen for another. ago
Chapter 27: Interludes are nice, no? ago
Chapter 28: Of gods, and man ago
Chapter 29: A dream, and fame. ago
Chapter 30: Red Robes and fake rooms. ago
Chapter 31: Narrator's are necessary...sometimes. ago
Chapter 32: You gotta be Frigg'n kidding me.... ago
Chapter 33: It's difficult keeping secrets. ago
Chapter 34: Exposition, no? ago
Chapter 35: Dragon's teeth are difficult to pull. ago
Chapter 36: Heated Discussions ago
Chapter 37: A system most peculiar ago
Chapter 38: One door closes, another opens. ago
Chapter 39: First meetings are always somewhat awkward. ago
Chapter 40: Traffic seems to be a fact of human life. ago
Chapter 41: All devils and gods have a humble origin. ago
Chapter 42: Traveling heroes must have a 'random' encounter. ago
Chapter 43: Space is a scream vacuum ago
Chapter 44: Dreams and nightmares are sides of a coin. ago
Chapter 45: Carpooling is good for saving the environment. ago
Chapter 46: Growing closer together. ago
Chapter 47: Comfort and Hospitality ago
Chapter 48: Like Father, Like Daughter ago
Chapter 49: A Clockwork Assembly ago
Chapter 50: A New Home ago
Reviews

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Axelord
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Author's style, rehashed but still the same

If you liked the previous (and still ongoing) stuff put out by RtR, you'll probably enjoy this one too. Four out of five for [Overall Score] because the story is worth the time.

Style is still his/her own. As it is, I have no trouble with it.

The story is still in its infancy so I'm not willing to give it a high mark yet. Will probably bump it up eventually. As of now (5 chps out), there's no good hint as to the direction the story so I'm unwilling to strike it high or low.

Grammar is nigh perfect. A few typos here and there, which I know aren't easy to discern if you're the author and don't have an editor. I got my own and he sees everything I don't.

Characters... The only thing I could say about them so far (the MC mostly since the rest are not that fleshed out yet) is that they are typical of RtR if you have read his/her previous story.

Jeffbucc
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Reading this is frustrating

I started reading this as I enjoyed the previous work of the author, but couldn't get pass the way he was telling the story.

I did this, then I did that then I went here, and I killed that. 

Seeing the pattern here?  Yes this is written in the first person....oh wait then third person....then fourth wall breakage....then author interaction via the main character perspective all with zero line breaks to signify a shift in perspective.

The fault of this novel is that the author is constantly telling you what the characters are doing without ever showing you through descriptive paragraphs what they are doing.  It comes off as a very shallow diatribe on the characters actions as if you are reading a grocery list in a very stilted manner. Especially when written in first perspective.  Look up bad traits of those who write in first perspective and then count how man sentences you have that have the word "I" in it.

Of course most of this wouldn't be that bad at all if the novel actually had dialogue instead of the author telling us what they said in a vague manner that makes me even more disconnected from what's happening.  I get that you are going for the "I am damaged and can't talk" schtick for the MC but you do this in combination with the whole "mysterious" angle and you just end up annoyed with the character and the further disconnection from the lack of any meaningful connection you can make with the story due to the author telling you what is happening rather than experiencing it through organic interaction.

I'm not saying all these things to burn your novel, but I couldn't make it pass the 20th chapter before I frustratingly made a review(my first if it shows you how annoyed I was).  Hopefully this helps you write novels better, you have elements that could be really good if you tweak how you write your perspectives better, and also how you show your characters interaction with their environment with better descriptors than "I" followed by 

-did this

-ate this

et al

 

Evrin
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Have to say I'm a fan

I like the direction this is goin. A fun little bit of this and that, from its VR gaming genre to its Sci-fi backdrop with a hint of fantasy thrown in make for an entertaining combination in this fresh little story.

 

Frankly, I'm a fan just from the main character.

Beware the quiet ones!

Seriously though, if you're on the fence, I recommend giving this a try.

Luneder
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I am giving it 5/5

The style is refreshing though I could tell that Divine Bladesmith was used a bit for a trial and error for how to make the story to begin progressing.

Story is interesting combining fantasy and sci-fi but without the two opposites being lost in each other.

No problems noticed in the grammar with a writing style set for reading for web based fictions instead of hard copy, I get annoyed when writers use a wall of text.

Characters need a bit more personality that define them from each other. The MC is great however, this is normally the type of character that in other stories would be left as a side character or love interest to a male MC but almost never put as a focus so I really love the new view.

saganatsu
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Overall, one of the best stories on the site, to the point where I can only spot one flaw currently:

We need an info dump on the power levels, preferably in an authors note: because of the mysterious nature of revian's powers, I'm having trouble getting a clear picture of the power scale involved here: what are the number of power divides, how important is skill involved, whats a typical civilian, compared to a city governor, compared to a member of a high family, compared to the head of a high family, and where gods enter the picture, as it's apparently possible to effectively become one. When Revian mentions  that someone is 12th divide, I don't really have that good of a grasp of what that means.

There are two points to watch out for, specifically, in the future, beyond general running out of story:

1. You're interweaving a story about the VR game the character plays, with what appears to be a much more impactful story about the main characters efforts to, well, it would spoil the prologue. This accomplishes the (presumed) goal of having action scenes when the real world arcs are slow, but at some point it needs to actually impact the real world.

2. The main character as of chapter 11, still has a partially unknown powerset. this works fine for know (should last til the end of this arc); but at some point we need to know what she can do, so that readers know she has some limits. Also, once we know what her powers are, she needs to have some practical limits, or she will become a boring invincible heroine.

Other than that, the general worries about the plot collapsing, or characters doing things just because the plot needs them to; which I don't see any signs of it looks good.

As it stands right now, in terms of raw quality this is good enough that I wouldn't feel bad buying it on amazon. If you are looking to monetize, I don't actually recommend this though, for two reasons.

1. The way the story is written right now the chapters and arcs are broken up with an emotional payoff structure that seems a bit higher tempo than normally works in a book, with a larger number of small conflicts that serve to keep a casual reader interested. Obviously I can't be sure, because the only arc that has been finished is the prologue.

2. demographics: this story has a smorgasborg of things going on in the world building: High fantasy alternate forms, VR games, space operatic sci-fi, a set of high familes, gods, and a vaguely wuxia-ish set of power levels. This makes it hard to recommend outside RRL: these are all things that RRL has, but in a wider market place would basically mean belonging to the intersection of a number of niches.

 This story might have better luck using a patreon model.

Good Witch
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This looks awesome, right now there are only 5 chapters but the grammar is perfect and the storyline is entrancing. I hope to see some more chapters soon because I'm already addicted.

verycoolname
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As always, innately satisfying.

My favorite part of reading RivertheRoyal's writing is how happy it makes me. the writing and characters are somehow satisfying in a way that makes me happy as a reader and envious as a wannabe writer. 

danlern2
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Let me preface by saying that the story isn't bad. It has some fun elements in the plot...well that's about it.

Lets get to the bread and butter of this story, the inconsistencies and annoyances.

My first gripe with it are the problems the author has with diction. In many cases when the author wants to use a word, he will use a different word. For example, in any case where it calls for the word "bridge", he instead writes in "bride". There are a bunch of cases like that, and you have to change a bunch of the story out for different words to make it work.

The next problem I have with the story would be the author's inability to create proper exposition. Instead of showing us things that need to be explained, or working it nicely into dialogue, he makes the questionable choice of pausing mid-plot and throwing a paragraph or 2 of exposition at the reader. Not even said in the thoughts of the character or anything.

That leads into another issue. The author seems incapable of choosing a writing style. Mid paragraph he will change from first person, to third person, to omniscient third person. It's super jarring.

From one chapter to the next, the plot will change. Something will happen in one chapter, and in the next chapter the author will rewrite the scene differently. Either there will be slight changes in dialogue, or a character that wasn't present before will show up or some kind of interaction between 2 characters will be different. Example in the spoiler box.

Spoiler: Spoiler

 There are so many of these inconsistencies all throughout the story.

Triton
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Looking forward to more of this story so far it's really well written and Grammer Nazi inducing free. 

Keep up the amazing work!

Warlock515
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An awesome story, only at the seventh chapter and already looking forward to every new post,