Original HIATUS Action Comedy Sci-fi Anti-Hero Lead Female Lead Magic Martial Arts Non-Human lead Secret Identity Strong Lead Supernatural

Gamer Girl is a superhero action comedy web serial following the bizarre adventures of Ralphie Hero, aka Gamer Girl, a superheroine with the superpower to summon the items and abilities of video game player characters. Working alongside her partner Comikazé ‘Kazé’ Maniakku, aka Fangirl, a superhero fanatic with an electric fan gun, Ralphie sets out to make a name for herself in a city already full of crime fighters. Between the monsters, the supervillains, and Ralphie’s mild sociopathic tendencies, it does not go well.

As of now, there is no update schedule, but finished chapters are always posted on a Sunday.

You can help the web serial grow by voting for it on Top Web Fiction once a week and reviewing it on Royal Road LegendsWeb Fiction Guide, and Muse’s Success. You can also add tropes to Gamer Girl‘s TV Tropes page and watch it on Web & Light Novel Updates!. Please comment, follow, and rate (I could seriously use the feedback). Lastly, if you want to keep totally updated on all things Gamer Girl, you can follow the Gamer Girl WordPress site.

Cover by iBooBee.

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Author
Joe Berridge Beale

Joe Berridge Beale

Ultimate Platinum Multiverse God Emperor

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Mike Eadie
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Right, here we go. Usually writers tend to be too wordy, but you, much to your credit are the opposite. However, sometimes you need to give a bit more to cement the images in the minds of your readers.

In the first paragraph maybe a little more detail for Ralphie. Also, when we first meat Zaze maybe a couple phrases to help shape her also.

I understand creating interest in your readers by letting them discover things for themselves and that's great, but there is a point where you might frustrate your reader by not giving enough. For example when the dog creature appeares you write she had been "dreaming about this for years." I want to know why.

Another observation is that you describe of one of your characters in three ways: Superhuman, Blonde and as Ralphie. This confuses your reader. Each has a different effect. Superhuman makes me think that her friend Zaze isn't superhuman. The use of Blonde is too impersonal. I suppose Ralphie works when she is Ralphie and Game Girl works when she's Game Girl.

Just a question on the description of the people walking from "pavement to pavement." Do you mean walking from "Sidewalk to Sidewalk?" This may be a cultural thing...people from different countries refer to the same thing in a different way.

I'm looking forward to reading on. Your prose is very pointed, which is the mark of a mature writer. Keep it up. 

 

 

PotatoSenpai
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The story concept seems to be interesting when I read it. I especially like the fact that they are able to use abilities from fictions, and am looking forward to what other abilities you will draw on in the future.

Okay firstly the grammar. I'm not some expert at grammar, but at least when reading it seems to flow smoothly, and I noticed that there's a wide range of vocabulary that's being used as well, which is a good thing.

As for the style, your writing seem quite descriptive regarding the appearances of the clothes and other wearables that the characters wear, as well as the details of the abilities they use. For the first chapter though, I think there could have been more details regarding Kazé, like the colour of his hair or eyes, and such.

So far it feels like there isn't really a story yet, but so far this gives off a feeling similar to that of novels which "develop the plot slowly as it goes on", so i'm looking forward to how it'll turn out.

The character interactions seem interesting so far, and the kind of personality you seem to want your characters to have seems successful in showing through, through these interactions.

Overall, the character interactions and the detail you have put into the worldbuilding have drawn me in so far, and I feel that this story has plenty of potential to develop, so i'll be looking forward to further updates!

TerminusEst
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ok, so this really is an interesting concept, albeit it is not quite my cup of tea I can always appreciate when a writer puts thought and effort into their writing.  So to start off, let’s look at the pros

 

  1. the story has a light tone that makes reading it an enjoyable experience

 

  1. the characters are well defined, if a little cliché for novels like this

 

3.the laxed pace of the story once again lets the reader read it a leisurely pace

 

  1. grammar is pretty good.

 

now for the cons

 

  1. there is no explanation to be found in this story, I am the type of person that likes knowing what the setting is, this story needs some exposition. is this an alternate reality America? Were all these games that she draws her powers from released the same as irl or does she just know about them and no one else. How did she get her powers?  Where did the monsters come from? Have they always been there? Are they new to the world(which would explain the civilians reactions.)  I don’t know, you haven’t told me in the story.

 

2.The characters, they are both a pro and a con, you see they are cliché and with that means that I cannot connect with these characters.

 

3.needs more description of environments, and people, I have no idea what this city looks like, is it like new York? Sci fi? Please work on the description of the environment

 

All in all this story just really needs more, more exposition, and explanation, the characters know the world because they live in it, but I as the reader however feel like I am walking around with a blind fold, I cant see your writing needs to be my eyes into this world.

 

Mr Salfredolph
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Now im no expert on grammar so 5 stars cause my head doesn't hurt when I read this, A good sign 

Style ? 5 stars cause everyone has their own and should rock it

Characters ? 3 stars, Cause I dont know much about anyone besides what I've read 

Story ? 3 stars, Cause its got 4 chapters so I cant really say

What I can say is this story has potential every story does so im here to see if it grows into something really good