Hero's Trouble; How did i end up as Hero?

by Greeny

*Somone asked me to add a warning here*
MAY CONTAIN: Yuri Scenes (ecchi, up to sex), Action with Blood, Dragical Moments, Cute Moments, Explanation of Chemstry and Physics, Ecchi, More Ecchi, Perverts and Idiots.
It may induce rage, tears, creepy smiles, the LoL snydrom or even worse insomnia (i have it now.... *so tired, cant sleep*).

Shedule:
I plan to do a chapter of 20~30 pages in a week. I won't be able to hold up the current speed and quality, on working days. A proofreader would help soooooooooo much~
*points at Ari* i will let you alone with her for an hour per week~

Description:
Typical Summoning?
Hero Harem?
Dungeons and Partying?

Huhu,
this going to be fun. I am going to smack it all and make it bend to my will!
And bend it is. I will do genderbender for my first time.
This is a thin line between madness and bliss, so lets see.

The Story:
The Story revolves around """"Jack"""". Who ends up being teleported to another world. As a slight accident happens. He's now in the body of a female. What will happen in this world, filled with magic and fanatsy beings, if there's a crazed pervert hero running lose?

Going with chapters of about 20~30 norm pages if i manage to either get them that short or prolong them. True full pages would amount to around 10 i think. But without formating it would be just a wall .....
  • Overall Score
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  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score
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Author
Greeny

Greeny

Genderbender Penguin

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Word Count (VII)
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drakan_glasses BE NICE! Fair critique is fair, but be respectful & follow the review rules. There will be no mercy.
Reviews
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LifeOfConfusion
Overall

 The writing and the characters is interesting, and the length is fantastic. Keep up the good work

 

Smiteodin
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

This is a fantastic FF!

 

Like seriously this is amazing, the comedy is a bit much at some times though.

 

Edit:

 

P.S This rocks I expect more awesome content in the future, seriously this is a blast to read!

Greeny
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Self critic, based on what is up so far. Actualised 11.01.2015

PS: I'm still urgently looking for a artist .... need a cover and some sketch illustrations (at least of a map). WIlling to pay for good work~

 

I am giving myself an review. Mainly to see how i think about my own work. And how it changes with time.

If you agree to it vote it up. If not vote it down. Oh yeah. If you think it’s way better or worse. Pleaes review~ I just saw that i cant categorize between these two. If it’s an down vote …. nevermind do it still ^^.

If you don’t want to post a review of your own.

 

A yes! A short explanation how i see ratings:

5 Stars=perfect

4 Stars= Good, with some room of improvment

3 Stars= Normal, can be improved. But is okay.

2 Stars= Needs improvement. Lacks something.

1 Star= Somewhat terrible. Pleaes work on it.

0 Star= …. why did i read this? I can’t understand a thing. And it’s gibberish.

 

The more detailted your reviews. Comments and feedback are. The more it will help me~ So keep going~

 

Style:

I like my style overall. I wouldn’t use it otherwise or?

I am not pretty sure what else i could have used. But i like the mesh from “talk” “thinking” “explaining” “reactions”, and i am trying always to let it flow into an natural direction~

 

Story:

I finally started with the real plot. Some backlash plot will come in soon too.

Getting to the good part. Everything before could be seen as getting a feeling for the new world and it's inhabitants.

I will give it a 3,5 atm. I already know what's happening soon. haha~

 

Grammar:

Yeah … that. *turns his eyes*

I am overly critical with that. I find so much in the unedited versions …. and still there are many typos and others there. But as it is overall readable. A 3!

I kinda messed up on one chapter ... badly. I shouldn't overexert myself too much on fast writing.

 

Character:
There are at the moment a few main forces here.

The MC, Ari, Sara, Olward, a bit of Queen, a bit of Gustav, more of Elsa then i can hold (she wasn’t planned … at all !).

I somewhat ditched Mr. Steinsworth. Poor guy … i am sure you will get a chance, sometime.

There was just to much going on, for me to remember an average court mage. I don't personally hate you Mr. Steinsworth, but pleaes stay away!

 

All in all. Characters have a set motive. A set personalty. And more or less of an goal.

I still need to get to the other maids., the royality, adventurer friends? and side characters. They need to be fleshed out some. I am thinking about an “view point of xy” style for the side characters. Sooo we will see.

I may or may not leave some of these in the dirty, just to make them come out at a certain time.

I am giving me a 4 here.

Ingro
Overall

An interesting twist on the whole hero summoning

I'm greatly enjoying reading this.

The hero was summoned but it didn't quite work out so a life was sacrificed to complete the summoning.  Unfortunately the hero is a bit unconventional and the court doesn't appreciate 'his' abilities.

Now 'he' is starting to meet the family of the one who sacrificed her life so that the hero could have her body.  But apparently those who summoned 'him' forgot to tell them the truth.

I'm looking forward to seeing how this develops.

SovietWeeb
Overall

I had been going on a binge on stories with my last one being about some chick turned into a Dryad. I ended that feeling disappointed. Then I came across this. I do like what is offered.

Somethings I'm not a fan of, Such as how the Queen is the evil one or kind of bad. I also dislike how the MC literally doesn't even seem to care that his gender has changed.

I do like the side story going on with the body the MC inhabits. I wish we had much more to it. It at times feels like the author is a bit scared to fully go down the road and explore what's there. As the MC doesn't seem to mind all that much that he is in the body of someone who sacrificed themselves.

I also kind of think the slavery in this story is a bit different than normal ones. Things like farms for these Beastkin exist and Beastkin are treated as slightly above animals in this world. I do wish we had the MC take a more hardline stance against it with trying to abolish or put restrictions on it.

Finally, The story taking place before the actual battling needs to start kind of bugs me. I'd have preferred if it's either a story with the MC adventuring and exploring or fighting the Demon army.

Overall it's a fun story with some issues for me but nothing bad

Jack Blank
Overall

Couldn't get past the first chapter.

Reviewed at: Chapter 1: Summoning

You can't critique what you don't truly experience. So three stars, and I hope the audience who enjoys your style of writing finds their way here.