Chaos Zone online(CZO)
Chaos Zone Online a reality virtual game that created by unknown producer become the most hottest in the world,A game that level doesn't exist ,the only game that specialized with its heavy customization.There is no weapon suit you?Create your own weapon that suit yourself!!!Searching an armor that cool but has strong defense?Make it!!!!Want zero def but max agility and attack?Or the reverse?You could!!A game with no limit of modification!!A story to be number one in this insane world!!!
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What to say ? Just read 2 Chapters ...
The Idea might be good, but reading is a pain. Grammar is horrible, capitalization rules are violated, Tenses are ignored.
Please improve these points.
First things first, where do you get your motivation in writing?! It's like seeing naruto in the flesh or something. Even with all the bad reviews they give you, you still manage to produce chapters. Anyway, moving on to the review:
- Your idea is cool.
- You have an interesting way of churning out new and exciting concepts like this fic's game system and the new take on Mana in your other fic, Mana Odyssey.
- Your motivation in writing.
- Like what harlok, theknight, and kay.lenson said, your grammar is terrible.
- This story seems reused. It feels like you just changed a little bit of Mana Odyssey's character, how the story flows, copied your attempts at comedy and mishmashed it into a VRMMO+Accel World kind of thing.
- The heroines seem flat.
- Your writing style seems sporadic.
- You overuse classic Japanese tropes.
Don't get me wrong, you're like a diamond in the rough you know. You just need to polish yourself more. (Like I have any right in saying this. I'm not an expert in writing or in giving constructive criticism.)
Author choose to follow same plot line as previous work (Mana Odyssey) i.e. strong & talanted boy (dense mc) forsaken by his parents while trying to kill him, then he meets different girls which have fallen in love with him and trying to protect him, while everyone knows mc's true history except mc himself.
author is trying to create suspense which is not working.
grammer, writing style, spelling & story presentation needs to much work.
the grammar and spelling on this story is so bad i can barely read it, before you continue writing please use grammarly.com or some other spell checker it will help you immensely.
This is not meant to be mean just constructive criticism
I know I'm not allowed to review something just based off of the prologue but honestly, it is one of the most atrocious reads I've read in a while.
MC is standard japanese MC, kind to the abnormal level and weird reasoning. standard japanese stuff, nothing really special.
Please, mercy to my eyes! I lost one today. You have to find a way to improve your grammar, asap. Like,really. A proofreader, beta reader, an editor anything really. You can see much better anywhere on this site. Why didn't you take a lesson from there !?
If you are able to go past the pretty bad grammar and vocabulary, you will find a bit above the average novel that is very light. Some people here are shallow, other more developed but if you can understand what the author meant (which may be hard for some) and like VR harem stories with dense protagonists, then reading this story should be a good time consuming activity.
Warning: for anyone that English is not one of the fluent languages, you will get lost because of frequent basic English mistakes like he/she/his/her/etc. Spelling can be overlooked but not basics including wrong forms of verbs and nouns.
EDIT 1: For those that want to ask if the grammar and spelling improves later, the answer is yes but not much. At least it gets easier to understand and overlook mistakes as you use the correct words (in your head) when reading.