Chaos Zone online(CZO)

by Forvish

Year 2050

Chaos Zone Online a reality virtual game that created by unknown producer become the most hottest in the world,A game that level doesn't exist ,the only game that specialized with its heavy customization.There is no weapon suit you?Create your own weapon that suit yourself!!!Searching an armor that cool but has strong defense?Make it!!!!Want zero def but max agility and attack?Or the reverse?You could!!A game with no limit of modification!!A story to be number one in this insane world!!!
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  • Total Views :
  • 164,193
  • Average Views :
  • 1,845
  • Followers :
  • 141
  • Favorites :
  • 35
  • Ratings :
  • 33
  • Pages :
  • 475
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Author
Forvish

Forvish

Achievements
20 Comments
750,000 Views
300 Followers
Word Count (15)
5th Anniversary
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Table of Contents
Chapter Name Release Date
Prologue:Welcome to CZO ago
Chapter 1:Partnering with devil ago
Chapter 2:Suicide candidate ago
Chapter 3:You are more scarier than ghost. ago
Chapter 4:A material for weapon ago
Chapter 5:Original weapon game. ago
Chapter 6:Skipping the floor. ago
Chapter 7:Boss match and reward. ago
Chapter 8:Deleting precious treasure. ago
Chapter 9:Fight at classroom. ago
Chapter 10:Again? ago
Chapter 11:Chat before the match. ago
Chapter 12:The winner and the reward! ago
Chapter 13:Harmless Sheep. ago
Chapter 14: New objective. ago
Chapter 15:Fated meeting.. ago
Chapter 16:Sly girl.. ago
Chapter 17:Idol tricks~~~. ago
Chapter 18;Hidden gem. ago
Chapter 19:What is the purpose of this event? ago
Chapter 20:The unexpected reward! ago
Chapter 21:A child mischief!!(part 1) ago
Chapter 22:Child mischief(Part 2) ago
Chapter 23:Child Mischief part 3. ago
Chapter 24:Child Mischief Final. ago
Chapter 25:My conviction. ago
Chapter 26:Takuya repayment.. ago
Chapter 27:Present ago
Chapter 28:Entering the fairy dungeon once again.. ago
Chapter 29:Fairy dungeon part 1. ago
Chapter 30:Fairy dungeon part 2 ago
Chapter 31:Fairy dungeon part 3. ago
Chapter 32:Fairy dungeon part 4 ago
Chapter 33:Fairy dungeon part 5 ago
Chapter 34:Fairy dungeon part 6 ago
Chapter 35:Fairy dungeon part 7 ago
Chapter 36:Fairy dungeon part 8 ago
Chapter 37:Fairy dungeon epilogue(1) ago
Chapter 38 Fairy dungeon epilogue(end) ago
Chapter 39:New transfer student?New calamity? ago
Chapter 40:The culprit? ago
Chapter 41:Unknown side.. ago
Chapter 42:Dinner with tsukihime father. ago
Chapter 43:Wait for the lizard tail appeared. ago
Chapter 44: Inferiority complex. ago
Chapter 45:To the Paradise!! ago
Chapter 46:Overbearing Lune. ago
Chapter 47:Poor Stella. ago
Chapter 48:Useless role. ago
Chapter 49:There is no romance... ago
Chapter 50:Cleaning the beach(01) ago
Chapter 51:Cleaning the beach 02. ago
Chapter 52:Cleaning the beach part 03. ago
Chapter 53 :Cleaning the beach (04) ago
Chapter 54 :Cleaning the beach (05) ago
Chapter 55:Cleaning the beach 06 ago
Chapter 56:Cleaning the beach 07 ago
Chapter 57: Cleaning the beach part 08 ago
Chapter 58: Cleaning the beach Epilogue. ago
Chapter 59:Heartless?(01) ago
Chapter 60 :Heartless 02. ago
Chapter 61: Heartless 03. ago
Chapter 62: Heartless 04 ago
Chapter 63: Heartless 05 ago
Chapter 64: Heartless 06 ago
Chapter 65:Heartless end.. ago
Chapter 66: Ancient Grimoire(1) ago
Chapter 67:Ancient grimoire (2) ago
Chapter 68:Ancient grimoire 03 ago
Chapter 69:Ancient grimoire 04. ago
Chapter 70:Ancient grimoire 05 ago
Chapter 71: Part time job. ago
Chapter 72: Butler or Bodyguard?01 ago
Chapter 73:Butler or Body guard?02 ago
Chapter 74:Butler or bodyguard ?03 ago
Chapter 75:Butler or Bodyguard?04 ago
Chapter 76: Butler or Bodyguard ?05 ago
Chapter 77:Butler or bodyguard ? (06) ago
Chapter 78:Butler or bodyguard ?07 ago
Chapter 79:Butler or bodyguard?End. ago
Chapter 80:Ruler Magician(01) ago
Chapter 81: Ruler Magician (02) ago
Chapter 82:Ruler magician (03) ago
Chapter 83:Ruler Magician(04) ago
Chapter 84:Ruler Magician (05) ago
Chapter 86:Ruler Magician(06) ago
Chapter 87:Ruler Magician(07) ago
Chapter 88:Ruler magician(08) ago
Chapter 89:Ruler Magician(09) ago

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Harlok
Overall

Please improve your writing Style

What to say ? Just read 2 Chapters ...

The Idea might be good, but reading is a pain. Grammar is horrible, capitalization rules are violated, Tenses are ignored.

Please improve these points.

B4nd1t
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

First things first, where do you get your motivation in writing?! It's like seeing naruto in the flesh or something. Even with all the bad reviews they give you, you still manage to produce chapters. Anyway, moving on to the review:

Good points:

  • Your idea is cool.
  • You have an interesting way of churning out new and exciting concepts like this fic's game system and the new take on Mana in your other fic, Mana Odyssey.
  • Your motivation in writing.

Bad points:

  • Like what harlok, theknight, and kay.lenson said, your grammar is terrible.
  • This story seems reused. It feels like you just changed a little bit of Mana Odyssey's character, how the story flows, copied your attempts at comedy and mishmashed it into a VRMMO+Accel World kind of thing.
  • The heroines seem flat.
  • Your writing style seems sporadic.
  • You overuse classic Japanese tropes.

Don't get me wrong, you're like a diamond in the rough you know. You just need to polish yourself more. (Like I have any right in saying this. I'm not an expert in writing or in giving constructive criticism.)

 

kay.lenson
Overall

Author choose to follow same plot line as previous work (Mana Odyssey) i.e. strong & talanted boy (dense mc) forsaken by his parents while trying to kill him, then he meets different girls which have fallen in love with him and trying to protect him, while everyone knows mc's true history except mc himself.

author is trying to create suspense which is not working.

grammer, writing style, spelling & story presentation needs to much work.

 

TheKnight
Overall

Horibble needs a lot of work

the grammar and spelling on this story is so bad i can barely read it, before you continue writing please use grammarly.com or some other spell checker it will help you immensely.

This is not meant to be mean just constructive criticism

WillowWhispers
Overall

A lot of chapters does not equal good.

 I know I'm not allowed to review something just based off of the prologue but honestly, it is one of the most atrocious reads I've read in a while. 

GeorgB
Overall

MC is standard japanese MC, kind to the abnormal level and weird reasoning. standard japanese stuff, nothing really special.

BloodAbysS
Overall

Please, mercy to my eyes! I lost one today. You have to find a way to improve your grammar, asap. Like,really.  A proofreader, beta reader, an editor anything really. You can see much better anywhere on this site. Why didn't you take a lesson from there !?

Mattaj
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

If you are able to go past the pretty bad grammar and vocabulary, you will find a bit above the average novel that is very light. Some people here are shallow, other more developed but if you can understand what the author meant (which may be hard for some) and like VR harem stories with dense protagonists, then reading this story should be a good time consuming activity.

Warning: for anyone that English is not one of the fluent languages, you will get lost because of frequent basic English mistakes like he/she/his/her/etc. Spelling can be overlooked but not basics including wrong forms of verbs and nouns. 

EDIT 1: For those that want to ask if the grammar and spelling improves later, the answer is yes but not much. At least it gets easier to understand and overlook mistakes as you use the correct words (in your head) when reading.