- Sexual Content
- Traumatising content
Around two thousand years ago, The world of Acoria suffered what is known as The Great Calamity, turning the continent of Teknish into a smouldering wasteland, irradiated by chaotic mana and ravaged by savage energy storms, causing the surviving sentient races to flee to the much smaller and resource deficient continent of Malthasia.
The year is now 2101 AGC (After Great Cataclysm) and the intense competition for space and resources has left humanity with only three surviving kingdoms, protected by the nearly impassable mountains of the Antaeth basin. Standing on the verge of collapse, the human kingdom of Vonai is forced to perform a summoning ritual, ripping souls from another dimension and implanting them into magically created bodies. Little do they know that by doing so, they have changed the fate of the world and everyone in it, for, in the infinite dimensions of the mortal realm, there are some existences you do not want to provoke.
2-3 releases per week Evolution tree dynamics
Limited stats/Game style mechanics
Mature language/Graphic Violence
Varying paces between action/adventure and information based chapters
Special Thanks To: Solfyr - Contributor and inspirational genius
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Okay, here goes...don't kill me for this. I'm only pointing out my two big criticisms, and not all the things I love about this story.
I really liked the original, so I was more than happy to start reading this. The story itself is pretty interesting, but the way it is delivered needs some work.
Criticism 1: Run-on sentences.
The narration seems very rushed, which makes the story seem rushed. More than half the sentences are run-on. A prime example is in chapter 14.4:
"However, as her long, thin tail was sticking out, even though she tried to disappear, not only was it not very effective, it also ended up causing Velcea more trouble as she nearly tripped over the tail as she dodged elegantly around the goblin while attempting to retaliate against the magical onslaught with her bow."
This would be better off as:
However, even though she tried to disappear, her long, thin tail was still sticking out. Not only did she fail to hide herself, but she was also in the way. Velcea nearly tripped over it while she attempted to retaliate against the magical onslaught.
Lots of description is good, but in this case it is making the story harder to read. I suggest trying out the Hemmingway App; it points out some of the bigger problems.
Criticism 2: Info dumps.
The big info dump happened early on, and hopefully won't happen again. In my opinion, info dumps are the worst thing you can do as a writer, even worse than lowercase I's and bad punctuation. Most people don't even bother reading them (myself included).
The readers learn about the world along the way through off-hand references and by following the MC's development. That's how you draw us in. I honestly couldn't care less about the power rankings at that point in the story, anyways.
I don't care what others say they don't like about this, it's 100x better than those wishfullfillment stories with tens of girls in their harems. This novel deserves much better reviews, I mostly don't give reviews and I'm bad at it as you can probably see from this but this guy needs a cookie
Please more, I gotta have more of this wonderful book!!!!!!
The story is still rough in some places, mainly some transitions between events and there are gramatical error here and there that should be eliminated after proof reading (reading "draft" chapters).
But the content of the story is interesting and entertaining and I beilive that is the most important thing.
I wish you the best of luck in remastering the story of Mor's. I enjoy the story and hope that you are able to keep the whole Death's chosen subplot. despite some 'setbacks' you deserve to be recognized as a good writer
I will write a more comprehensive review when the story catches back up to where it was but it a great read thus far. I constantly look forward to the chapter releases for this story. I was sad when it first looked like it would die but im glad you went ahead kept it alive. Please keep up the good work.
This is a fantastic story overall, and the writer certainly has a great style for writing action packed stories. There are little to no grammatical errors that I remember catching as a read, and the story flows together very well. The action is very descriptive and lets you imagine it very easily, something that a lot of authors seem to skimp on, and something that I appreciate immensely. The characters are also fun, although I am judging more off of the original story of Mors and his various adventures than so far, since it's really just getting started again.
Overall, just keep up the good work, and don't let yourself get too discouraged by trolls. You're an amazing author and a lot of us would be saddened to see you leave because of some random idiots.
the thing that irks me the most about this story is how there are 101 different ways for the main character, who was just transported from another world in a really sad way, to magically and unintentionally sell himself into slavery. Other than that this is a great read.
i wanted to make an ass joke butt fuck it.
but fo realz da best stori evah
I'm on chapter 5.4 and I still don't know a thing about the characters or their motivations. The jumps in points of view are jarring and extremely annoying. The moment anything starts to move, it changes. I don't mind a book that takes it slow but this is just infuriating. It's so frustrating because the concepts are wonderful and the writing style is beautiful but why is everything a cliff hanger? Get to a place in the plot then change views. It's like watching a movie then just as the main character is explaining something mid sentence it goes to a commercial break about nachos for an hour. By then you've moved on and stopped caring about the story because it's taking too long to get back to any sort of plot point.