Mythran's Master Of All - Continued (Completed!)
- Sexual Content
This started out as Mythran's property. It's a tribute to his story and I wanted to continue Ren's tale. The first 16 chapters by Mythran are here: Master Of All, Jack Of None Please Note: This story has been completed at 10,010 pages or 2,752,750 words, Dec. 7th, 2018 (Previous records of 2 million March 31st 2018, First record of 1 million on May 30th, 2017)
17 year old Ren Haddon hasn’t had an easy life. His drug addict parents used him as a lab rat and left him almost crippled for life. After they were caught, he went on to spend his life in the hospital. Under constant care, the white walls of his room was all he knew... until that day. That fateful day his name was drawn out from millions of others to receive a one of a kind class in the new virtual world game called F.L.O.W. (‘Fantasy Life Online World’). These are his adventures.
- Overall Score
- Style Score
- Story Score
- Grammar Score
- Character Score
- Total Views :
- Average Views :
- Followers :
- Favorites :
- Ratings :
- Pages :
Leave a review
At the time of this review, there has been 660 chapters, and I've read them all. The beginning was really good. You had a kid with a rough childhood who is now free to go into a world and do things he could never do in real life.
Then his first GF came in. I was like, ok, some romance, why not. But then the drama just got way out of hand. Now its not a master of all as in crafting, but master of all as in seducing tecniques. Like, seriously. Every girl he looks at falls heads over heels for him and he's somehow lovey-dovey to all of them. He's walking up to ultra-end-game bosses and saying something like, "You're pretty." And then the bosses go, "Let's have sex!" Like, what? A big example of this would be the elemental goddesses. Each of them can (i hope so) kill him with a single sneeze, and they somehow decide that this dude is the guy for them? Really. Having a harem is ok, but this is just way too much.
Next, have him actually build something and not just insta-craft it with his OP abilities. There's no problem with being OP, but still. This is a bit much. He's crushing fighting classes and bosses with a CRAFTING CLASS. Like, what? He should fit the crafter mold more, and not just be an OP fighting god with OP equipments.
Also, do some more chapters from the perspectives of people outside his harem. For example, the other contest winners. We still don't know how strong Tristan got, or how the lives of any other people are going.
Also, fix his personality a little. He's really self-centric. Everything has to go his way, and if it doesn't, he does one of three things. First, report to the GM's because for some reason they help him with everything. Second, beat him up if its a girl. Third, have sex with her until she does things his way if its a girl. Like, boi.
It's also like he completely forgot about his teachers. I mean, he's a god now, but he's a god because of those crafters back in his starter city. he should at least visit them once in a while and show his gratitude, but no. He's a god now so all the other NPC's don't matter except for his harem.
Next would be the game company. Personally, I like the hands-off approach because it makes the game more realistic if there's nobody to complain to for your bad luck or skill, but why is the CEO agreeing with Ren for EVERYTHING? Like, somehow no other player has ever encountered a bug or a problem and Ren is the dude that the entire company has to help at all costs. I mean, at least make it more realistic by, for example, including other real people in the story and not just 2D NPC's (in RL too).
Next, give him some challenges. I don't mean "someone robbed his bank account in rl" challenges, I mean real challenges in game. As he is now he can wave his hand and make an item that can destroy the world. I don't like that. The worst thing about an OP protagonist is if he didn't face any difficulty when getting OP. Its fine if he's OP, like I said, but at least smooth out the curve a little. Make him do more epic quests for exp and not just overturn a king and get millions of excess fame exp.
Most importantly, give the guy a goal. Right now he's just playing for the sake of playing. Give him a goal, a direction. Even if its really simple, like protecting his loved ones, do it. Give him a purpose for doing what he does. That's the biggest thing, because as of now, this story has no direction, and therefore sucks.
Alright, so, this story actually started off as a fanmade continuation of Mythran's novel, "Master of All, Jack of None". Honestly? It started pretty well. I enjoyed the characters, the dialogue and the jokes for a while - until everyone suddenly because two dimensional and literally nothing can go wrong for the MC that he can't fix.
First, the characters. They're pretty OK, I guess, until you reach that one chapter (it's different for everyone) that will make you just GROAN at how poorly thought out they are and how utterly cliché their designs are. I don't mind cliché too much, and if it's done well it can do a lot of good things, but when every other character is a walking trope, it turns into a mess.
Also, for some reason, MC is perfect in every possible way, is painted to look like a messiah even while he beats the shit out of people, and is probably the strongest player in the world, all while being a crafting class.
Next, the grammar. The grammar and spelling is honestly pretty great. Bokuboy pretty much proofreads and edits his chapters every day, so that's pretty cool, I guess. There are minor flaws here and there, but nothing too bad.
Third, the story itself. Spoilers ahead for the last two points, duh.
It's pretty simple and not that well put together. At the time of writing this review, the story is nearly at 200 chapters (193, to be exact), and MC still hasn't done anything apart from:
1. Somehow get married
2. Sleep with at least seven different women and get hit on by like another twenty
3. Build a house
4. Enchant things with game-breaking effects
5. Build another house
6. Fix a multitude of problems in the Dwarven kingdom such as underground gambling arenas in less than three chapters
7. Not die once, as far as I remember
8. Talk to a beetle that's apparently just as horny as he is
9. Invent about a hundred different things and end up being worshipped by half a kingdom for some reason, even though he's just cheating by bringing things in from the real world
Evidently, it's kind of a mess, and not really worth reading, unless you like ero without plot.
Last, I'd like to talk about the most glaring issue - the romance.
Without spoiling too much, in recent chapters, the MC gets into drama with his ex-girlfriend (that feels shoddily done and makes them both look like huge idiots), married a character in the game (I don't personally have a problem with this), sleeps with her, proceeds to sleep with her AND her mother at the same time, and most recently he ends up having sex with every woman in sight, for no other reason than "she came after me and I didn't want to hurt her feelings so I had sex with her for twelve hours". He manages to go at it with two seperate women in one chapter at different points in time, at some point.
If I end up somehow not dropping this novel, I'll edit this review later if need be.
Its unfortunate with how strong the story started out. Now its less about playing the game and getting the different crafting skills and more about hooking up with each new female character.
This story hurts me. It's painful to read. Not in the sense that the grammar is bad, nor is this some sort of incoherent story that jumps from one point to another to satisfy the author fantasies. It hurts because it's wasted potential, so much wasted potential. I won't spend time on the story, the grammar or the style, as they are all good, none of them are excellent, but they are worth the reading. The problem stands with the characters and how they interact. I'll be blunt, i don't think the author know how humans work. Let's start from the main character: he is perfect. That's it. He has a tragic past, but instead of giving him flaws it is used to show how strong and kind he is. Sure he has a phobia, but instead of making him seem weak it serves the only purpose of making him courageous, he has a weak body, only tho show how strong his will is. Let's talk villain. It's a 6 year old boy throwing a tantrum, well he isn't 6 years old but he might as well be since his character and motivations wouldn't change one bit. The side characters seem to be various, until you realize they are all a stereotype of what they are. The tailor is a grandma, the smith is a dad, the hunter is an uncle etc etc. If you think "generic grandma" you have pictured the tailor. Even the interaction with less developed characters always go the same ways: MC needs something, meets person, person refuses mc because he has a problem/ he underestimate him, mc shows how amazing he is, person changes idea, mc throws money at him because he is generous and kind. The last thing i want to talk about is the romance. It's bad, not terrible mind you, but still not good. I have two major problems with the romance. Problem n 1: it's mostly pointless. Let me explain, i am not against romance in novels, nor against romance novels, the problem here is that sometimes the story turns from a story with romance to a romance story, a bad one at that. Every once in a while the plot seems to take a break in order to have the mc and his partner flirt, which wouldn't be bad if the break advanced the relationship, but it doesn't. It's just there, you can remove it and the only thing that changed would be the length of the chapter. Now we pas to the second problem, spoilers for chapter 100 more or less
Ok, i'm calm now. Let me elaborate. Like i said before, i am not against romance in novels, and while i found it to be excessive and useless before, it now show promises of being more tied to the plot, and i can appreciate it. But! The progress feels extremely rushed and unnatural, i feel like it needed a little more time, in order for the firs romance to completely break and for the second to take form, unless the author is trying to sneak a surprise harem in the story
I honesly enjoyed most of the story in the beginning, but the further into the story it gets the less focused on crafting it becomes. By chapter 103 the primary tag should be romance with a secondary tag of coming of age. This is not to say that it is not a good romance story it just feels like false advertising in the description to consider it an adventure story. The correct description would be "and this is the story of how a boy who felt he had no chance at a normal relationship realizes it does not have to be normal to be love"
but I had to stop reading because it turned from a lighthearted story about an interesting VR world into a depraved, sex-addicted story that seemed more for masturbation than actual reading. Such a shame because it started out so well, but it got worse and worse to the point where a good half the plot of each chapter is based around the MC having sex with different characters.
Even leaving aside how 1 dimensional and boring every single character and 'plot' development is, I don't think the story is worth reading anymore.
I'll start off by saying that this review will probably get long and contain spoilers, so sorry for that in advance.
I think that the author started this story with the best of intensions, however things are begining to get out of hand recently. I hope with this review to highlight some of the areas where things have shifted from the first sixteen chapters.
In the first sixteen chapters are focused on Ren and his crafting skills. He is dedicated to his crafting above all else, and we see his joy at being able to do what he wants freely. We are introduced to several other players, who could end up as allies or enemies.
When Bokuboy took over writing this story he does a great job of completing the arc the story ended on. The story continued to be well done up until the current arc with the dwarves. The major points of contension I have are as follows;
1. The other players. The other players have been used sparingly in this continuation. So much so that they have no real impact on the story at all. In the few places that they are used they are used well, but they are not used often and it takes away from the foundation built in the early chapters by Mythran.
2. The Dwarves. Their culture is not explained in any definitive way. This ads some confusion to the story. When Ren says something or does something that gets the Dwarves all riled up, the reader cannot really understand why. After reading enough one can pick up on a few rules of edicate, but they are never really laid out. Another problem with the Dwarves, or rather the Dwarven arc, is that Ren is not learning blacksmithing or mining from them. I know he has great skills in both those areas, but he could be learning special techniques or subskills that are unique to the Dwarves. Instead he is tailoring and being a soldier for a bit. He does start learning about stone masonry which is good, but it is still almost background to the other drama occuring in the Dwarven arc.
3.The romance aspect. I have no issue with adding romance to a story, but in this case the romance has taken over the story. I didn't mind Ren and Lucy, but I found the romance unrealistic. Ren is seventeen and Lucy would probably be in her mid to late twenties for the job she is doing (18-22 schooling, plus 3+ years to be experienced enough to be the main caretaker for a permanent big client like ren makes her 25 at the youngest. Even that is pushing it). Add in that he looks like a twelve year old and the relationship does not seem to all to viable. I will admit it could still be possible though. Ren and Nathalia does not really work. It may have, if not for the fact that Ren already worked his way out of that and then it was sprung right back into play with out warning. The way it was done was silly. The biggist concern with the romance is that it has now taken over the story. It seems like every female charcter loves Ren in a romantic sense (not actually the case, but feels like it is very close to it). It is like Ren no longer cares about his crafting and now only cares about having all the girls like him.
I really want to like this story, and I will probablt keep reading it. However, I think it needs to have a break from all the romance stuff and get back to the crafting. Ren is supposed to be the Master of all and Jack of none. Let him get back to mastering all the crafting skills for now, and then maybe add romance in later, once things have settled down. Just make sure crafting is the focus.
Sorry for such a long review.
alright let me explain my odd scoreing, these scores are a combination of there previous 4.5 and 5 star rating and there curent 1.5 to .5 ratings (with an exeption of grammer), my reasoning for this is the character started a direct down hill decent after he meet the trapper and then his family, all great characters by the way.
let me set the premise: our character through plot armor gets this stories main gag his class; a class with no restrictions on which crafting classes he has, golem making, enchanting, farming, fletching, you name it he can get it (from this we infer that the majority of classes get either only one crafting class or selection of a few depending on there adventure class) however he can not use wepons or (origionaly) use the combat UI... when i stoped he had, a few chapters ago, single handedly taken out a batalion of 150 dwarfs... he is still like level 4 or 5 by the way.
ah yes the romance... in the first he was going to most likely get a harem no lie... he was described and cute (hafling is his race described as just above hip hight to humans in the origional 1-16ish chapters) currently he is "a head above dwarves" and described as imtimidating or imposing. He was however shown to have a high moral ground, he just slept with his wife and her mother (i know there not actualy related but he shure as hell didnt), hated bullies: beats the shit out of the main antagonist, antagonising him...
there are other examples but i dont want to type it all out, in essence: this story takes a shit on all it used to be and says but mommy i want to be over powered. Tada... this story.
p.s. oh and he haas a side bitch too... nothing against bad, devious, protagonist with harems. However dont call him a "good" or "kind" kid... he's and asshole, be proud of it, not hidding it behind weak motives.
i hope somone reads this and avoids this book... or just knows what there geting into
I just wanted to get some facts straight for you:
Ren defeated a Battalion of 462 dwarfs, not 150.
He's Level 30 now, not 4 or 5.
I don't remember him being described as just above hip height, but in this fan fiction, I made him 4 foot 7 inches tall. He's still short compared to humans (by a foot and a half)... but dwarves are an average 4 feet tall. He is a head taller than the average one. Normally, people feel intimidated or imposed upon around taller people.
His moral high ground is being eaten away by his experiences and by his resurfacing memories.
He had to 'beat the shit' out of Tristan, or Tristan would have beat the shit out of him. In 'normal' PvP, one player has to lose by dying, unless conditions are set beforehand (like a fist fight to conceding).
Ren actually is overpowered compared to others of his level, but not of his abilities. It's why Talon said he was a level 150 at least.
Ps. Of course he's becoming an asshole. His ego is skyrocketing from all the successes he's had.
If you average out your stars, it's not 0.5, but the Overall rating isn't based on the average.
I think that was everything. :) I hope you have a great day!
(man, why can't you be more of an asshole so I dont feel so bad about trashing your story...) what i meant by average is change from beginning of story to where i finished reading, if i distill what my gripe over all was is it feels as though the focus of the story changed, it might just be i hate a change in interest as it went from crafting to a almost play to live esk story which kinda turned me off... especially when the start of the character was nowhere near these characteristics, innocent, kind, agreeable, inventive, hard working, and sheltered. the only attributes currently active are inventive, and hard working, completly changing his character... he felt like backward progression, so this story is more of a hero falls from goodness to a rather scummy person, a nice appearing scummy person still the same.
+ .5 stars for a nice author
I enjoyed all of Mythran's original release as well as the first 30-40 so chapters of this release, but as the story continued the villans became reptitive as is every single female the MC interacts with. It starts with him either A) being underestimated and doing something nice/amazing then throwing money at them, B) Finding them having an issue and solving it then throwing money at them, or C) Having them immediately infatuated with him for no reason other than appearance and then throwing money at them. Its gotten so predictable that every female the MC encounters that appears more than twice I expect him to sleep with.
The author has taken what was a crafting VRMMO premise and turned it into a Harem/smut story with the smallest of ties to its original premise. Crafting is no longer the focus, the downsides of his class have been completely removed and whatever bonuses he had have become completely unbalanced. It ceased to be about how the character can grow without overpowering combat abilities to MC can beat anyone, craft anything, screw any women, and fulfill any wish the author wants with ease, there is no tension at any point in this story anymore.
As of the end of the dwarf Arc I've dropped this series and this review will no longer be updated. It hurts to see such a great premise with such potential obliterated with two dimensional characters, flat romance, and "perfect" characters, and walking slips of paper with a trop and a female gender sign on them.
The fact that Ren is adorable cannot be disputed. However, I think that it is greatly overdone when every 'obtainable' female he meets is immediately twitterpated, lovestruck, and in awe of how pretty he is. In fact, it bothers me a lot that this story, the relationships at least, are ALL driven by his looks. Also the fact that there is never anyone else who is capable of appropriately flirting, and for some reason, all of the bad guys have the same exact 'evilness complex' (that is, they all believe that they have a right to lay claim to things, and people refusing to grant them what they claim as theirs makes them inordinately pissy). I'd recommend the author read 'HJPEV and the Methods of Rationality' for a proper take on bad guys. Sorry for all the negativity, I know that this particular issue is not unique to you, but I really liked the original, so I guess I'm taking out my frustrations with amateur writers on you.