Commoner Online

by SevenWays1

Original HIATUS Action Adventure Martial Arts Virtual Reality
Andross Silver is a young, millionaire actor that is hailed as the next Brad Pitt and known around the world by billions of fans. When his childhood friend Sasha invites him to play the newest and most popular virtual reality game Best of Best (BoB) he doesn't think much of it. He joins under the name 'Commoner' and expectantly waits for his friend to finish the tutorial.

Then she tells him that she wont be playing with him because he needs to learn to make new friends and be himself in a world where nobody knows him. She has given him a place where he can truly be a commoner for the first time in his life. Now it is his turn to take the chance he has been given and make the most of it.

Join Andross as he begins to explore the world of Anteus and make both friends and foes alike in 'Best of Best'.
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  • Pages :
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SevenWays1

SevenWays1

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NaughtyHippy
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ALL HAIL THE MAGICAL POTA!!!

Yes, I am biased.  I frickin' love this story and will take the peeler to pota's luscious fleshy bits if he stops writing.  Giving it an overall five because it isn't often that I look forward to reading something so much.

 

Style - It has my favorite sort of comedic yet serious at times feeling.  Somehow Pota manages to surprise me in ways that really shouldn't surprise me.  Seriously, who puts that on their face?  Hahahah

 

Story - The story itself is hastily thrown together.  You know the main character's basic personality quickly, and you know what drives him.  Things that throw a wrench in his plans happen, and it is very entertaining to read what happens to get in the way of those plans.  The scenes aren't overly descriptive and I have an easy time visualizing them as they happen.

 

Grammar - While not perfect... okay not nearly perfect.  The grammar here is about as good as you can expect from an FF.  What little mistakes there are end up being fixed quickly.  I had no problem reading through the story without constantly stopping to go over a passage again.  Nothing here confused me, and that says a lot seeing as the book, real book, I just read was giving me whiplash every few minutes.  I don't enjoy rereading the same sentence three times to make out what is happening, and thankfully I didn't have to do that a single time here.

 

Characters - Sometimes, if done right, as Pota has shown me, hastily can be better than 10k words of boring back story. Seriously, setting up two characters and the dynamic between them through a few conversations and actions is pretty well done here.  Comedy, action, and clashing personalities easily helped me to get an understanding of each character.  The back story of this VR world that drives people to compete also helps give a little extra flesh to some of the characters competing to make it to the top.

 

P.S. ~~~ Marry me Pota!~~~

sensitiveears
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I’m loving this story so far! – While it may be in the early stages, it has been well edged out and I’m looking forward to it’s development! For now I’ll give it a +5 to support the author, and in the future I’ll do an advanced review!

GoldenThigh
  • Overall Score

Author!!! Where art thou?!!! Come back to the world of the living!!!! 

Lonjest
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Like this FF, you must read it

Really like this FF, found myself waiting for it release with great anticipation. Hope Pota continues this for a long time, so I can get my fix.

biotiz
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Unique and well written story

This is a good story line about people we normally read about.  It has some insight about how exceptional people have both special characteristics and drive to make it to the top along with the pettiness of people who want to be on top but don’t have what it takes to make it.

 

I read through the first 7 chapters, that are pretty long, and I still have a lot of questions as to how the game works.  In my opinion, that is a good thing.  If I had to read a story about details of a game, I would lose interest after the first chapter.

 

There are a lot of unique and interesting things going on in both real life and the game life that hold my interest to see what is going to happen next and why things are occurring the way they are.

Psychedelic
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Nice direction you took with this story. Keep up the good work ;)

osuue
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A FF that I don't regret reading

LOL 

A famous person playing VR is a pretty unique idea.

A famous person being tired of his own fame: interesting.

Neat character developement and impeccable writing skills.

The transitioning between chapters is spot on as well. 

 

I really enjoyed reading the story. Please update more often 

(Like I said in chat, around 3-4 chapters  a day pls)

+10 fame

 

shadowcerberus
  • Overall Score

it is a realy good story .i hope u will continue to write it.keep up the good work

Techi
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Sorry. Not my fault. :P

I lied, I forgot I read this one, so I give you 5 stars.

 

 Nice story btw.

NormalReader
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this is a really good ff, though pota shamelessly advertised in the chat to me it's still a great FF. Seeing a  celebrity in a fiction is really new thing and also I like how the author made the MC a incongito kind while he gets fame in another way, truly a double edged blade but seems like both the edges are facing him. Anyways the fiction is now one of my favourites. I hope this fiction updates regularly so we readers can be entertained by your writting skills.