A powerful but naive fighting expert lived a short and unfulfilling life. On his deathbed, his regret reached the Heavens, who gave him another chance. Now, reborn in a world of magic with memories of his past, he set out to make his name. However, life doesn't go his way most of the time - born with no affinity to the elements and unable to channel mana...what can he do? Well, guess he can only depend on his fists. [15+] for gore, strong language, and violence. I will post at least one chapter every one or two weeks.
This is my first novel. Enjoy if you can. Leave a comment on any grammar issues or why its bad so I can improve it. If you like what you read, leave a good rating.
- Overall Score
- Style Score
- Story Score
- Grammar Score
- Character Score
- Total Views :
- Average Views :
- Followers :
- Favorites :
- Ratings :
- Pages :
Leave a review
So my Review is up to chapter 6 good. Decent Grammar, nice story, partly interesting characters.
But this changed with chapter 6 and following.
HE has the mind and experience of a 36 year old but falls for such a stupidly obvious trap? not likely. Because of that reason are the chapters after 7 totally useless (not to say bullshit)
I mean he started with a pretty nice story with lot of potential, but screws himself over with such a follow up? He described an intelligent, hard working man and lets him not realize a trap even 3 year olds would see. The character he created loses instantly all charm and drops to a low.
Sorry author, after 7 the story is unlikely and can not recommend
"The negetive feedback isn't completely false it just depends on the readers preference if you want to see a MC who grows along with the story or have the story that grows along with the MC pick or choose either story has potential in their own way just depends on how you like it"
Well true, but dudes already grown, hes a 36year old, he shouldnt be falling for simple traps. This story starts really good, pisses me off later on. Especially at chapter 6... like serious... hes 36.. not fucking 10 or som.. actually never mind a 10yr old would've seen that. Julia...FUCKING julia.. her character is shit to tell you the truth. She moves on from her only family members death in a second. like seriously? Im so ticked off because the potential at the start was so good and when it went to shiiiittt... you kinda get dissapointed.
So, first, the beginning is too cliche. The "abused for having no talent" is takes up too much story, and widespread the discrimination is leads me to conclude that the majority of the people in this universe have no depth, and don't have anything better to do. And how the main character doesn't show his strength is less about being mature and more because then he'd be less of an underdog.
Next, the main character is passive. Basically, he gets into situations because stuff happens to him rather than him going out and doing things. The only thing he does other than solve the problems the plot puts him in is train, but the training itself is practically a sidenote.
Also, don't make the main character the reincarnation of an awesome cultivator if he's indistinguishable from a non-reincarnated kid with martial arts. Not only does he not have any significant strength or experience from his past life, he's bland as it comes.
And aside from the fact that the plot with the Saintess was something you could see from a mile away for someone who's read similar stuff before, and that killing characters off would work better if the readers had an emotional attachment with them, there's also the fact that, while doing rituals to increase the lifespan are fine (though both the fact that the MC knew about the ritual and the fact that he didn't realize it earlier), one would expect that one's lifespan increases from cultivating anyway, which made it really jarring that it was suspicious that someone didn't age 10 years.
And on the subject of killing characters for emotional impact, while I would argue that good characters are more than people to be killed off for drama, I would also expect that important decisions should be made by the author, rather than, say, rolling a six-sided dice or making a poll.
But aside from the fact that the plot and the characters bore me, It's decently written, so maybe the author has potential or something.
Can't say much yet, since it just started, but the story feels and progresses like a traditional martial arts novel!
My only issue is that the story is full of xenophobic morons for now. Well, that and the 6 year olds that are left to themselves without supervision.
But yeah! Show those snobby people who's boss!
This is just my opinion as a reader.
The first 5 chapter, just like everybody else said was quite good. In fact. It is very xianxia/xuanhuan opening style.
I was anticipating that the direction of the story is going to be a normal one, but I guess I was wrong.
Chapter 6 just bring me to a different arc all together. So much built up in the first 5 chapter just to suddenly being hit with more depressing thing.
If I was a young reader, I definitely quit your story. But this story is for mature reader, so I have no problem to continue reading.
MC first fight is in chapter 16. Which mean chapter 6 to 15 is very depressing or annoying to be read. I want to just skip all this chapter if possible.
At least I like the battle scene. The battle is done brilliantly. Why can't you have MC first battle at early chapter? At least let mc battle lowest tier beast or something. You as an author can do a good battle scene.
Don't just give us this depressing chapter. You can actually give us one good battle scene before mc got trick by the slaver. I don't care if you created an intelligent mc or a stupid mc. Just give us a battle scene.
I have no problem after chapter 16. Though there are place that can be fixed or improve. Let just leave it for now.
There is one more thing that I don't like. Introduction of side character.
I have one hobby as a reader of story and novel. That is to created character glossary. I have read more than 100 novel and story. I can't remember the name of all side character. So I need to create my own personal glossary.
So when I start to read your story. I first have to create a character glossary, including the cultivation rank. What do I find in this glossary?
I have not read even past chapter 20. But there are almost 30 side character. From Nimell Dragonfire, Tamalin Moonscreek, Terence Klemanot, Senior brother Shawn, Elder Tyron, Jake, Vicky, Tristan, Kally, etcetcetcetc. This is absolutely annoying.If the side character is not important at all. Please don't even give them a name. If they are not going to be useful at this earlier chapter, then don't introduce the name at all. Just give it a boy with owl-rimmed glasses. I don't need to know his name is Terence Klemanot!!!
I was seriously though that all this side character that you introduce will at least have some use later. But after reading till the latest chapter. How many of this 30 are even there? If they are gonna be useful in the future, then just introduce them in the future.
This is just my comment as a reader. Your story is for mature reader, most young or sensitive reader will quit your story at chapter 6. I have no problem to wait for the next chapter.
Just finished the prologue, but I can see where you get your inspiration from, so far I can only say that is a solid work and you'd do well to keep it at that pace that formula has worked for many other authors so its tested, so long as you persevere and keep at it this gem will be polished to become an amazing work, hope you keep at it and complete this great work =D
Can't say much for anything in the realms of reviews, but this was actually pretty good :).The beginning was cilche, but you can't do much about that, off that, only the immaturity of the kids seemed to bother me. All in all, I personally enjoyed it.
Love the story good character growth and decent time skips without to much info dump while keeping the flow going not much to add other than what others have aalready said. The negetive feedback isn't completely false it just depends on the readers preference if you want to see a MC who grows along with the story or have the story that grows along with the MC pick or choose either story has potential in their own way just depends on how you like it (by story grows around the MC I mean the MC is so strong that as the more you get to know him the more the story progresses while with the MC growing with the story it's as if the more the MC see's the world and experiences it the stories progresses along with.)
Anyways my only real problem is Julia... Oh Julia Julia Julia what to do... I believe you said she was 3 times or 4 times as unlikely to appear in the world as compared to the MC element affinity wise (her being Quad and All). Her existence in itself isn't the problem the problem is that throughout the story you have made a point of brutality making people grow up and learn and change them somehow, but Julia loses her parents that we never got to meet and a few paraghraphs after we DO meet her, her little brother who she SWORE to her parents DIES IN FRONT OF HER and she got over it when we flip over to the next chapter and even shows hints of wanting compliments towards BAEUTY OF ALL THINGS FROM THE MC... WUT why author-san? WHY?!