Re: Pessimist



Chapter 2: Drunk baby is better/worse than regular baby!


"Hey, Alfred, wake up! Or... is it Ewan? Hey, wake up!" The voice of Flare drove me to open my eyes, of which I noticed I was in a crib, it wasn't any particularly fancy crib or custom-made, it was made out of wood and was where you put a baby. The room wasn't looking any different, well that's either because the designer got lazy or it's too dark for me to see.

"What do you want, incompetence?" I groaned at her, seeing... her face? Why is the midget's face here? Isn't she just meant to be a voice in my head? Did I get the full-on crazy welcome pack when I reincarnated? I'd like to return it. "And why is your ugly mug here?"

"Well, I wanted to solve your alcohol issue..." she looked as if she wanted to hit me, but she probably restrained herself because she didn't want to hit a child. What a wuss! "This is because I became your ego, as you call it. Only you can see me in this form and I can't interact with the physical world either."

"Yeah, whatever, so how do I get alcohol?" I pushed myself... I pushed myself? What the hell? How did I push myself? I'm only a child who has just been born! How in the hell did I muster the physical strength to push myself? "Are people born physically stronger here? Is it because my parents are siblings?"

"It's because-WAIT WHAT? YOUR PARENTS ARE SIBLINGS?" It's a good thing no one can hear this loud woman, she would cause a ruckus!

"I took a guess, they had too much recessive genes in common so they are probably in some inbreeding cycle. Anyways, what is the reason behind my baby strength?" I completely ignored the fact my parents had the chance of being siblings, since I really had little evidence for it. Flare was still worried about it for some reason.

"It's the skill you got... Wildfire." She pointed out to me, I decided to look at it and see the secrets behind it!


Bestowed upon by the Goddess of flame,
this skill allows one to reach incredible

1-Can travel up to speeds of 1234.8km/h,
this also applies to the physical body of
the person.

They can do everything at such high speeds!

However it is difficult to train.

What the fuck? Is this is some kind of rip off of the flash? Except with fire? Is it basically mixing the human torch and the flash together to make this? I can do everything at the speed of sound! Wait, if that's the case... how long will it take me to get drunk?

"So, what do you think of it?" Flare had pride in the skill, but then again she had pride in the digestion one and that failed completely.

"You ripped off a super-hero and made it harder for me to get drunk." I clearly pointed out to her, I stood up, since my body was already prepared to support its own weight. "So, where can I find the booze?"

She sighed as if she had given up, she then pointed towards the only door in the room.

"I would say follow me, but how do you plan on getting out? Your legs may be fast, but do you think your body will be able to support going at such a speed? Even if your body develops faster and you do things faster, you're still a baby." Well, she has a fair point for an incompetent goddess. I don't have the weird force the flash does and I'm a baby, even if I heal faster, my body will not be able to support high speeds... like the ones to go through objects and run up walls. There's only one way...

"Time to put it to use!" I waddled my way towards the southern edge of the crib, rubbing my hands while Flare looked at me in confusion. And I bit into the crib. I hadn't grown teeth... so this didn't work as planned. Plan B! "Flare, if you can, bite into this crib for me."


"Bite into the crib."

"I can't interact with physical objects, nevertheless... bite a crib." She had a disgusted looked, before she realised what was going on. "Oh, you want to eat your way out!"

"Great help, goddess..." I then had a great chance occur! The bed chip from the little force I applied, so I ended up eating some wood and it... tasted like a tree. There really isn't much I can say about the wood's taste.

Skill Get:
Earth resistance-1

Oh, well... that seems pointless. I don't get anything useful and I don't have enough time before everyone wakes up, since it's night, so I need enough strategy. Oh, fuck it.

"Flare, you have fire powers, gimme." I demanded from her, she had a complex facial expression and folded her arms, shaking her head.

"It's too danger-"

"I don't want a fucking lecture, shut up and give me the fire powers." Well, I was a baby, I had hormones and I was in a mood after being woken up. I didn't want any of her parental shit.

"You have fire powers, they're just... powerful." Flare looked away as if she was embarrassed, so I didn't bother to dwell any deeper.

"Let me guess, it's something stupidly simple like imagining a flame and putting your finger out and imagining the flame flowing into your finger?" I jokingly mimicked it, but... it worked. I am proud of it yet also disappointed that fire powers work so simply in this world.

And... there's a fire in my room and I want booze.

"Lead the way, fairy godmother, take me to my prince charming!" I jumped off the crib, maintaining my balance, the fire has no effect on me, I'm going to guess fire woman has something to do with that.

We went through the hallways in the house, and I must say, it looks like so much effort went into it but so much shit came out of it. The design repeats itself everywhere, I know consistency is nice but show some fucking creativity once in awhile, everything is so fucking boring!

Oh well, I tip-toed past my parent's bedroom and even some odd rooms in the... manor? Mansion? Castle? It's a big place, so I don't care what it's called.

Then Flare led me down into the basement, or wine cellar, where they keep all the good shit! And after five minutes or so... we got to now.

"Yhknow! Flhare, Yhou're Rheally ah Khind Phershon!"(Y'know Flare, you're really a kind person!), I mumbled out, the wine cellar was fit for the mansion! It was fucking huge, and there was so much wine! Which was proven due to the great big pile of wine bottles behind me and the puddles of spilt wine around me. "C-Chom Onh... Dhrink Shome!"(Come on... drink some!)

"Uh... I would love to, drunk baby, but I can't interact with physical things and it seems inappropriate..." Well, for a goddess... she's still pretty shit.

"Dhon't be a... Whanher, here.. I-I hafve an idfeah!"(Don't be a... wanker, here I have an idea!) I grabbed her by the sleeve and put some more wine into my mouth, then putting it into her mouth, which obviously worked! I totally knew it would!

"It... whorked..." Flare clearly became tipsy after that! What a damn lightweight! She really needs to build up her tolerance, she is immortal after all. "H-Hey... do... don't be so rhude..."

Oh, she can still hear my thoughts?

"Yhou fhuking ufelesf piefe of shite, yhou can't... can't eben dhrink well!"(You fucking useless piece of shite, you can't even drink well!) I suddenly insulted her, she jolted from that and patted me on the head.

"Awww... it's a cute baby." She giggled in a mocking tone, which certainly was her attempt to provoke me! I wasn't going to let that slide!

"Oh, ah fhailure of a-a godhess!"(Oh, a failure of a goddess!) I replied, she then poked me in the forehead with a confused expression.

"Y-Your thoughts, they're... hehehe... not drunk." She pointed out, she certainly was confused by the instance.

"Ihm nhot ahn idihot like yhou!" While I pointed at her with a drunken body, a sudden notice popped up right before the both of us.

Title Get:
Goddess of Wine

Uh... what?

Goddess of Wine:

Due to excess drinking, Flaryvna

has become the Goddess of Wine
and therefore has great power
over wine.

Therefore she is never able to
develop resistances for alcohol
and is always able to drink it
when needed and summon it.

Wait, so since I'm the incarnate of Flaryvna, I drank a fuck-ton and therefore became the Goddess of Wine? Which is essentially the title I wanted to drink a fuck-ton for.

Huh, well this is a win!

Now... I...

Now I...

Need to sleep...


Baby got drunk in the cellar and got what he wanted.


Well, I'd be happy to hear everyone's thoughts!  [th_059_.gif]

About the author


Bio: I haven't watched Sailor Moon, ever.

It was a random choice to why I even picked her as my profile picture.

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