Unbound Deathlord: Challenge

by edwardcastle

Original HIATUS Action Adventure Drama Fantasy Anti-Hero Lead LitRPG Magic Male Lead Strategy Virtual Reality
Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore
  • Profanity

Due to Amazon's Kindle Unlimited rules, I had to pull most of the book content from RoyalRoad.

Only sample chapters remain.

To read a fiction that will never be removed from Royal Road, I recommend my other fiction: Immortal Mage.


The first two books of the series are out on Amazon:

Book 1: Unbound Deathlord: Challenge
Book 2: Unbound Deathlord: Obliteration 


Book 1: Challenge

When virtual reality becomes real enough that people feel as if they’re being transported to another world, Valia Online arrives.

A man running from his past joins the game to forget it all. Calling himself Jack Thorn, he chooses an undead race, Deathlord.

A mage by choice, and a swordsman by necessity, he soon finds out that he’ll need to use much more than magic and steel to survive; strategy, creativity, and carefully chosen words can often accomplish what simple attacks can’t.

As the game becomes too real and touches a part of him that he’d rather leave buried, he is faced with two questions:

Who is he, really?

And who should he become?

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edwardcastle

edwardcastle

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kofu
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One of the best light novels so far

I really like this approach of the author. I think is an alternative to the overused storys so far..

Keep it coming!

GamingIce
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Great Story, But Needs Character Development.

First Review....

 

Style: The author shortened the amount of uses of blue windows and doesn't rely heavily on the game's status windows for word count. The author has improved the flow of the narrative and presents the story in an easily understandable manner.

Story: The story seems to be missing a very important object for any novel; a long-term goal. There have been small tidbits that seem to foreshadow an eventual rule of the Underworld, but the story seems to run only on short-term goals that pop up. There also seems to be minor plot holes that happen through character interaction, which I will go over in the "Character" section of this review.

Grammar: The author has improved through reader help, but I suggest obtaining a proof-reader before posting to refine the quality of the writing. Usually, there are a few minor errors that appear from typos and oddly worded sentences.

Character: I'm fairly disappointed in the character development and how the character reacts. The main character is portrayed as a logical thinking while raised as an entrepreneur of a supposedly extremely large company. The character accidentally kills his whole family off, which includes the one family member that taught him what love is. Using this as a base, he performs highly illogical acts, which could be somewhat covered up by it only being a game, but this discredits his short-term goal of surviving in the game for a month to gain large rewards for his in-game character.

Now onto the minor characters! The problems with the minor characters are that they cause minor plot holes through conversation. The one that annoyed me the most is that a side character asks how the main character does something and the main character replies it is because of a level 11 trait. The side character replies by asking if he is cheating "because it should be level 2 at most", so the main character spills the beans about his title that gives +10 to the trait. Then almost immediately after the title is discovered the side character tells him he can make a trait a "core" trait and receive +10 to a trait. When the main character said he had a level 11 trait almost any person would have assumed that the level 11 trait was a "core" trait, well unless they had some kind of mental disability or had some sort of skill to see someone else's "core" traits or titles.

Inkvisition
  • Overall Score

I like every second I spend reading this.

Title says it all. Nuff said. Don't stop writing this please. I love it.

Preacha
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read all of this in one go and thoroughly enjoyed it. I will buy this book up to 12 series if it continue this well.

Lazytophat
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Great job making things good and unique with an overused setting

Generic setting with a VR world and stuff is something I see a dime a dozen on RR but I always like the good ones like Insania Online, Life In A New World, Rebirth Online, and Loser of Tarinath, the quality ones in my opinion. The author does a great job of introducing Jack's messed up past with the "helpful" advice of his late political parents which correlate to useful knowledge so he doesn't get scammed or cheated by the people in the game. The combat scenes are interesting and the comedy is witty and so far has not tired out. The only thing I didn't like was the fact that the beggining was a bit bland before he got in the game because I didn't know why or how he was getting in the game. That was only a minor thing as it was explained later on but I still would have liked it a bit eariler. All in All I love the story and am eager to see Jack win THE CHALLENGE and start pwning sum newbs

Zarfas
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As an avid reader of all things LitRPG I've waded through my share of shit stories to find the golden nugget that is sometimes in there. This story isn't merely a  golden nugget but rather a surprising diamond. From the first chapter to the 23. (which is when I write this review) the story and the depth of the character only gets better. 

So in conclusion. A sounding success for a new author, and a book I would willingly buy on Amazon. 

Kaminarion
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Like the different pov of the undead world

I like you bringing a different start to the 'classic' style of VRMMORPG. Not the first of its kind but definitely a good story. I liked the fast entry to the story at the start. No huge info dump. I like the hardcore style of your game. 27 days for lvl 20. Those days didnt just fly-by. The wolf-bats-chess pieces where some cool mobs. Only thing I'd ask is 1-2 extra sentences for every scene change where you describe a bit more what the character is seeing. Not enough to describe a place once for me. (Got bad memory :( ) Details! Though 1-2 sentences extra no info dump.

LitRpgLover
  • Overall Score

Awesome read. Quality of a book with almost perfekt grammar and good pacing of the Story.

Can definetly recommemd it!

matt
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keep writing!! Sounds like he is going places, cant wait!

Umbargrey
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Likable but indicating towards cliché and OP MC in the near future.

Likable MC and quite funny at times. He feels protected by plot armour and grows quickly to have more potential and power than many others. I never got so far as to see his magnificent plot armour in full glory and OPness to the max but I can guess it. I may be wrong but... veeery unlikely in my own oppinion. OP MC is simply not my thing, I find it cliché.