Unbound Deathlord: Challenge
Due to Amazon's Kindle Unlimited rules, I had to pull most of the book content from RoyalRoad.
Only sample chapters remain.
To read a fiction that will never be removed from Royal Road, I recommend my other fiction: Immortal Mage.
The first two books of the series are out on Amazon:
Book 1: Challenge
When virtual reality becomes real enough that people feel as if they’re being transported to another world, Valia Online arrives.
A man running from his past joins the game to forget it all. Calling himself Jack Thorn, he chooses an undead race, Deathlord.
A mage by choice, and a swordsman by necessity, he soon finds out that he’ll need to use much more than magic and steel to survive; strategy, creativity, and carefully chosen words can often accomplish what simple attacks can’t.
As the game becomes too real and touches a part of him that he’d rather leave buried, he is faced with two questions:
Who is he, really?
And who should he become?
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This is pretty good
story is funny, and intense. great read so far, and i need more
Yea I like this story a lot. The only thing that needs improvement is the grammar. I wonder how long is gonna take for the MC to reach the surface. (If he ever does :))
Character interactions are ace. Plot and story are well planned and executed. Magic system is different than most others I have seen, but maintains a structured approach. Good fightscenes which are detailed and quite accurate. Style is refreshing and the humour is great. Overall I have to give it 5/5
Grammer improved drastically after implementation of Grammerly, and you were't afraid to change mistakes which people noticed.
OOOO amazing well written can wait for the next trimester. i mean chapter
Style: The author shortened the amount of uses of blue windows and doesn't rely heavily on the game's status windows for word count. The author has improved the flow of the narrative and presents the story in an easily understandable manner.
Story: The story seems to be missing a very important object for any novel; a long-term goal. There have been small tidbits that seem to foreshadow an eventual rule of the Underworld, but the story seems to run only on short-term goals that pop up. There also seems to be minor plot holes that happen through character interaction, which I will go over in the "Character" section of this review.
Grammar: The author has improved through reader help, but I suggest obtaining a proof-reader before posting to refine the quality of the writing. Usually, there are a few minor errors that appear from typos and oddly worded sentences.
Character: I'm fairly disappointed in the character development and how the character reacts. The main character is portrayed as a logical thinking while raised as an entrepreneur of a supposedly extremely large company. The character accidentally kills his whole family off, which includes the one family member that taught him what love is. Using this as a base, he performs highly illogical acts, which could be somewhat covered up by it only being a game, but this discredits his short-term goal of surviving in the game for a month to gain large rewards for his in-game character.
Now onto the minor characters! The problems with the minor characters are that they cause minor plot holes through conversation. The one that annoyed me the most is that a side character asks how the main character does something and the main character replies it is because of a level 11 trait. The side character replies by asking if he is cheating "because it should be level 2 at most", so the main character spills the beans about his title that gives +10 to the trait. Then almost immediately after the title is discovered the side character tells him he can make a trait a "core" trait and receive +10 to a trait. When the main character said he had a level 11 trait almost any person would have assumed that the level 11 trait was a "core" trait, well unless they had some kind of mental disability or had some sort of skill to see someone else's "core" traits or titles.
I enjoyed your since of humor and use of random internet and story troupes.
Title says it all. Nuff said. Don't stop writing this please. I love it.
I like you bringing a different start to the 'classic' style of VRMMORPG. Not the first of its kind but definitely a good story. I liked the fast entry to the story at the start. No huge info dump. I like the hardcore style of your game. 27 days for lvl 20. Those days didnt just fly-by. The wolf-bats-chess pieces where some cool mobs. Only thing I'd ask is 1-2 extra sentences for every scene change where you describe a bit more what the character is seeing. Not enough to describe a place once for me. (Got bad memory :( ) Details! Though 1-2 sentences extra no info dump.
It's a good and interesting story. I realle like it and hope you keep writing more author-san!