Unbound Deathlord: Challenge

by edwardcastle

Original HIATUS Action Adventure Drama Fantasy Anti-Hero Lead LitRPG Magic Male Lead Strategy Virtual Reality
Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore
  • Profanity

Due to Amazon's Kindle Unlimited rules, I had to pull most of the book content from RoyalRoad.

Only sample chapters remain.

To read a fiction that will never be removed from Royal Road, I recommend my other fiction: Immortal Mage.


The first two books of the series are out on Amazon:

Book 1: Unbound Deathlord: Challenge
Book 2: Unbound Deathlord: Obliteration 


Book 1: Challenge

When virtual reality becomes real enough that people feel as if they’re being transported to another world, Valia Online arrives.

A man running from his past joins the game to forget it all. Calling himself Jack Thorn, he chooses an undead race, Deathlord.

A mage by choice, and a swordsman by necessity, he soon finds out that he’ll need to use much more than magic and steel to survive; strategy, creativity, and carefully chosen words can often accomplish what simple attacks can’t.

As the game becomes too real and touches a part of him that he’d rather leave buried, he is faced with two questions:

Who is he, really?

And who should he become?

  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Character Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Total Views :
  • 446,564
  • Average Views :
  • 74,427
  • Followers :
  • 1,553
  • Favorites :
  • 434
  • Ratings :
  • 261
  • Pages :
  • 98
Advertisement
Remove
Go to Table of Contents
Rate it
Report
Advertisement
Remove
Author
edwardcastle

edwardcastle

Achievements
Author Premium Early Bird
2nd Anniversary
Great Commenter (IV)
Fledgling Reviewer (I)
Good Review (III)
I Am Ascending (VI)
Village Head (V)
Advertisement
Remove
Reviews

Leave a review

Steve Moss
  • Overall Score

Well thought out, interesting environment, clever protagonist (even if he is irritating).

Pal5O
  • Overall Score

It's a solid little story and I have been enjoying the daily updates. Thanks for the effort and please keep it coming. 

phuang2001
  • Overall Score

Good entry into the LitRPG

A very good story.  MC is an ass but that means the writing is good when you start to feel emotions.  I am very excited to explore and follow this story.  Well worth the read.

Gylion
  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score

Good Afternoon fellow Madmen let's listen to a story.

Style: The Author shows a neat balance between comedy and serious storytelling.

Story: The Game theme itself is nothing new but the take on its properties is. The inner Turmoil of the Character is also being depicted nicely and gradually unraveled.

Grammar: All in all good, a few typos and mistakes here and there but a quick cleanup of the already released chapters would fix that too.

Character: Although sometimes confusing, most Characters are well made even though the Author seems to love torturing us by leaving us in the Dark about a lot of the Backstory. (Which I'm certain will follow after some time but teasing us like that is not nice.)

 

All in all a very good read. Now bring me more of that written cocain slave! :P

creationist0
  • Overall Score

Writing is solid, characters have depth, plot isn't obvious, foreshadowing. All these come together to make an enjoyable reading experience!

Darknov
  • Overall Score

I can't wait for more.  MC is great.  I don't know who voted 1 star but he probably didn't even read anything so.

Good luck!

tinman2613
  • Overall Score

A well thought out and amazing story

For my personal opinion the author has done a great job with this story. It has a nice balance of plot, character development and pacing. The grammar is pretty good, a few mistakes here and there but nothing major. Plus the author reads comments posted by people usually reply to then and answers any questions asked.

 

In short the story is amazing and you should definitely read it.

xion03
  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score

review is up to chapter 23

 

A truly enjoyable read!

 

i'm not a native nor do i have any deeper knowledge about writing in general, so i'm not really able to say anything in depth about the writing style. there are some flashbacks here and there, but they're well placed. I'm actually unsure wherever there where any POVs other than the MC, suffice to say i don't remember any. if there were any, they weren't memorable enough :p

 

The story is very promising. its just the right amount of humor and seriousness for me. he has a clear and realistically achievable goal at the moment (survive and win the challenge).  This goal isn't completely unrealistic as a lot of other VR-Novel games imagine (i.e. "only one person can win world-wide and he'll become a millionaire").

 

There are some minor errors over the chapters. sadly, my nexus 7 started to act up around chapter 5, so i gave up pointing them out. the author reacts really quick, so i encourage potential readers to mention them in each chapter. he's sure to fix them quickly :)

 

I'm removing one star from the character rating only because there are no real side-characters. The MC is pretty well done - he has character, history and his problems. but there is currently no other character in play thats even remotely as interesting as the MC (and i don't mean a romatic interest with that. i just can't imagine a healthy and interesting relationship with a person as damaged as our MC :p ). I think it would've to be a NPC, somebody the MC doesn't actually take completely serious because with his history, i can't imagine the MC treating another human  fairly.

Skydea
  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score

I will make it quick.

 

This is my first quick review.

 

Just wanted to say that this novel is really great, I have serious fun reading it. <3

Please continue this story, I hope I will make an "Advanced Review" once this story hits 50 Chapters.

GamingIce
  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score

Great Story, But Needs Character Development.

First Review....

 

Style: The author shortened the amount of uses of blue windows and doesn't rely heavily on the game's status windows for word count. The author has improved the flow of the narrative and presents the story in an easily understandable manner.

Story: The story seems to be missing a very important object for any novel; a long-term goal. There have been small tidbits that seem to foreshadow an eventual rule of the Underworld, but the story seems to run only on short-term goals that pop up. There also seems to be minor plot holes that happen through character interaction, which I will go over in the "Character" section of this review.

Grammar: The author has improved through reader help, but I suggest obtaining a proof-reader before posting to refine the quality of the writing. Usually, there are a few minor errors that appear from typos and oddly worded sentences.

Character: I'm fairly disappointed in the character development and how the character reacts. The main character is portrayed as a logical thinking while raised as an entrepreneur of a supposedly extremely large company. The character accidentally kills his whole family off, which includes the one family member that taught him what love is. Using this as a base, he performs highly illogical acts, which could be somewhat covered up by it only being a game, but this discredits his short-term goal of surviving in the game for a month to gain large rewards for his in-game character.

Now onto the minor characters! The problems with the minor characters are that they cause minor plot holes through conversation. The one that annoyed me the most is that a side character asks how the main character does something and the main character replies it is because of a level 11 trait. The side character replies by asking if he is cheating "because it should be level 2 at most", so the main character spills the beans about his title that gives +10 to the trait. Then almost immediately after the title is discovered the side character tells him he can make a trait a "core" trait and receive +10 to a trait. When the main character said he had a level 11 trait almost any person would have assumed that the level 11 trait was a "core" trait, well unless they had some kind of mental disability or had some sort of skill to see someone else's "core" traits or titles.