30 year old Bastian Smith died and reincarnated in a different body in a world different from Earth. The body he was in was that of a 12 year old abandoned boy of noble birth. Bastian was at a loss. This new body also had a dragon looking tattoo on his chest. When he touched it something strange occurred. A powerful voice resounded in his mind:
“To the owner of the Titan’s Mark be warned. You shall bear great power but you also bear a curse. Anyone who bears this mark is a child of I, the Great Ambevilius. Emperor of all that is under the heavens. If slay or subdue 1000 mark bearers, you shall become a successor of mine. This is not a destiny you can escape, so fight in the name of my glory!”
At this moment the memories belonging to this body merged with his own. This was the Sovereign Continent; a place where cultivation is everything, a place with many wonders, a place where only the strong are just! Bastian then began his long and arduous journey…to earn the right to sit on the Titans Throne!
Novel by Patriarch Onion (Also the author of Solitary Sword Sovereign) and hosted on theonionjunktion on royal road with the commentary of the beautiful and handsome Cookie.
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Honestly the story started off well, there's no denying to the author that he had my interest when he started the story. It's a simple and to the point plot initially but as the story goes on, in order to make the written work more than it is unnecessary amount of characers without proper introductions are added in. To the point where it almost got confusing (as of chap 71.)
Good grammar score as I didn't find too many mistakes in the written work and the ones that were there were bearable and nothing major.
The character turns OP but then stupid again. If two different paths of powers are available to an individual, why would they even think of abandoning one in favour of using just half their strength. It makes no sense. I understand that the MC did not wish to get embroiled in a frontal fight so he wished to become a mage only, and yet he ignores body cultivation completely and has to be forced to see the benefits of it.
That is so against the character's typeset of being intelligent. A guy that understands physics to such a deep level, would for some reason ignore a set advantage provided to him. It bloody makes no sense.
It was a good effort but unfortunately this is where I part with the story. I tried not to be too mean and provided a 2 star rating for it, I am not trying to discourage the authore, but perhaps having better planning of your story for the future would be very helpful.
And while the chinese tropes (stereotype cultivation novel) are supposedly rather popular, only infamy lies down that road, not glory. So heed carefully and step forward slowly. And if you want an OP MC, go for it, but take your time to craft him as such, a right off the bat OP MC does not make for a good story.
And lastly, as a Researcher in real life, do not overestimate science. While I understand that Science when utilized properly is a powerful tool, no scientist worth his salt would formulate an idea and then imprint that idea on himself all over his body and start messing around with it and yell "Voila, it works! I am a genius!" That era of Science ended (if it was ever there to begin with that is) back in Edison's time.
We are a lot more reserved lot that like to take their time and quantify things from the qualitative values to actual numbers that we can play around with and find proof to support the theories. And that takes time, moths and months of times, and years at times. And that includes multiple people across the globe working on similiar things at the same time and openly sharing their research with each other. So, if you ever wish to use science in your novels, the first rule should be to not disregard the amassed knowledge of the world in which you are sending your MC into. Becuase regardless of how backward their studies seem, they are leagues ahead of your MC who had just made contact with this new energy source, something that us plebian Muggles have never seen or heard about before.
Small tests, with small hypothesis, leading to a chain of fortunate events and MC turning OP as a result if of it is the right way to utilize Science.
Knowledge of scientific matters are a slow and articulate study of a partiuclar subject, not instant ramen where theory is devised, implemented and executed perfectly all under 2 minutes.
And I think that ends my rant, thank you for entertaining for at least 70 chaptes, I can definitely say that it wasn't a waste of time, but it wasn't something that would pull me back to read it again either. Good luck for your future endeavours, and please see the above written comments as feedback and critique and not blatant criticism, by doing the latter, only you as a writer are missing out on opportunities to better yourself. I hope to see a more refined work from you in the future.
I stop reading around ch. 50. Up to that point we have found out that the main character is :
- A genius
- Possessing a near eidetic memory
- A physicist
- Very cunning
- Very proficient in psychology and reading micro expressions
- Apparenty also proficient in military strategy and army management
- Very well informed in trivias on many categories
- And don't forget, a gamer.
For a 30 years old person who is supposed to have deep insight about other people's character, he sure act like a child sometimes (especially after he start cultivating).
The story itself is a standard wuxia wish-fulfilment. A protagonist that start from nothing, but blessed with extreme luck, rise himself to the top of cultivating world in a very short time. The protagonist also seems to possess a limited sense of justice but lack any common sense about social justice (also very common in a wuxia novel).
The story falls to some common traps that many light novel authors fell victim to:
- Unable to differentiate between intelligence, knowledge, and wisdom.
- Assuming that the people in the world that they create is stupid, that they can't figure out many simple thing that the protagonist can easily (something that Japanese writers love to do).
- Trying hard to apply physic to the magic system to make the protagonist special, and failed (I can only shake my head reading how the protagonist "invent" pressure magic).
- Making a perfect protagonist. I like the story initially, but the more perfect the protagonist become, the less interested I become.
In conclusion, I would still read this, but only when there is nothing else to read.
The story is worth giving a shot. *spoliers* as of ch. 60
The begining was pretty werid, and very hectic. The first couple of chapters were hard to understand. Ignoring the first chapter with the emperor because that made no sense. The MC starts out getting tackeled by a dragon that marks him and then is absorbed into his body. Then is thrown into slavery, and meets another mark bearer. We are never told how the MC's soul is brought to this world, how it fuses with this kid or why, its just glossed over. The MC also doesn't care the mark bearer he meets is a custodian, and her master could be an issue.
The next issue is when he unlocks his bloodline, he and I'm assuming V are kidnnaped by a high level culitivator for their own good. Where he wakes up chained to a different slave is a coliseum somewhere. He never questions where V is. He is ok with being a slave again to a different master, and agrees to fight until released sometime within 6 months.
The MC is a Karma King, but it is never mementioned why? or what his good deeds were. He is continually pushed to be a fighter against his will; because a mage can't make full use of his talents for some reason.
His soul sworn brother doesn't want to tell the MC any important details about his powers becasue he doesn't like to talk and answer questions, when the MC already shared every detail of his life.
All of the charters just seem to keep secrets from the MC for no good reason, and the MC doesn't care to ask them because he is polite.
Is there going to be more?? I hope so!!!
Or is this on a different site now?
Enjoyed it very much! The story is fun, the culivation, bloodlines, mark bearer, the overall tone of the story kept me entertained. I started reading this right after hail the king on noodletown.
In MY perspective your story has a lot more potential than hail the king. The only constructive criticism i can give is:
1. Pacing, i understand that your're trying to world build, set up different narratives for different character, but to some might drag on for to long.
2. Stick to your guns, Bastian should be your driving force/Bastians potential. What he will be/might be.
For example: *Spoilers*
When you had his haircut, might not be a big deal to some, but for others especially me it kind of devalues the character it was a part of his identity. When i read novels, i read them for escapeism not just for enjoyment.
For most of us(especially fairy tale fans :)) we want to see our favorite character be epic, having people chant temple monk devalues him in my opinion. Especially when the novel doesn't have a comedic tone to it to begin with.
But to the people who are reading this, and havent read the story READ it. Especially if you like novels like hail the king.
Really seriously OP. This jumps from one thing to another so fast and too many times.To me Author seemed to be a teenager or really not a serious writer.
One of the best Cultivation type stories i have read in awhile, story is great and understandable compared to some other wuxia and xianxia stories. The characters are fleshed out and some times i find myself imagining the scenario from the MC's view. Grammar is good but i tend to see some errors here and there but overall it's defenitely a superb story.
You skipped chapter 37... otherwise the story is great!!
I have to admit I like your story. I went on the Noodle Town site and read to Ch 66 after reading what is here. I like you MC, side characters, world setting, and so on. The only complaint I have is the pacing. There is a lot of detail in the chapters, it is hard to read through. It affects the story to the point that I feel the need to skim. I feel this will be a top rated on this site soon, and don't let my criticisms bring you down. I've listed an example of a fight scene that I believe was good and one that had unneeded detail.
Like the multiple chapters for the fight in the Arena, multiple POV's, it was hard to keep myself from skimming through. The fight with the guards in CH 64-65 was well done though, so maybe its picking up.
I read this story on his website and its AMAZING! for Royalroad readers read this story and you wont regret it
Don't wanna say anything since its still on prologue, but its worth the read, so go ahead and do it!