World Keeper

by karami92

Original ONGOING Action Comedy Fantasy Male Lead Reader interactive Slice of Life Supernatural
Warning This fiction contains:
  • Traumatising content

Dale Mitchell, your average guy in a below-average job. But, what happens to him is anything but average. After hitting someone in his truck, his world was turned upside down, inside out, and more than fifty shades of grey.

Now, he seems to be something called a World Keeper, and must create and manage his own world. Is this his afterlife, or something else entirely?

 

Cover image courtesy of Madelyn Black

 

https://discord.gg/bP65Rpc to join the community Discord!

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karami92

karami92

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Table of Contents
Chapter Name Release Date
Not a Chapter! Art Gallery! ago
Chapter 0: Prologue ago
Chapter 1: A Whole New World ago
Chapter 2: Feminine Wiles ago
Chapter 3: Thy Kingdom Come, Thy Will Be Done ago
Chapter 4: Magic? Magic! ago
Chapter 5: Market Value ago
Chapter 6: Mistakes Were Made, and Fixed! ago
Chapter 7: Keeper's Descent ago
Chapter 8: When Spirits Walk The Land ago
Chapter 9: The 72 ago
Chapter 10: Tame the Beast Within ago
Chapter 11: Plans for Tomorrow ago
Chapter 12: Revelations ago
Chapter 13: Alkahest ago
Chapter 14: Exposition, and New Systems ago
Chapter 15: Life Beyond Life ago
Chapter 16: Death Walks Among Us ago
Chapter 17: The Knowledge of the Ages ago
Chapter 18: The Great Leap Forward ago
Chapter 19: The Windfall ago
Chapter 20: Cuteness Shall Triumph! ago
Chapter 21: Believe it! ago
Chapter 22: The Power of Chakra ago
Chapter 23: The Birth of Power ago
Chapter 24: New Meetings ago
Chapter 25: Keepers Everywhere! ago
Chapter 26: Let the Games Begin! ago
Chapter 27: The Tournament ago
Chapter 28: Designer's Choice Awards ago
Chapter 29: No Naming Sense Here ago
Chapter 30: A Race Across the Plains ago
Chapter 31: The Road to Perfection ago
Chapter 32: Horsing Around ago
Chapter 33: Like Herding Centaurs ago
Chapter 34: Catching Up(And a Teaser) ago
Chapter 35: Tonight, We Dine in Hell ago
Chapter 36: The Hidden God ago
Chapter 37: A World Divided ago
Chapter 38: Systems Update ago
Chapter 39: To Anger the Gods ago
Chapter 40: Dual Domains ago
Chapter 41: Questionably Enchanting ago
Chapter 42: The Answer to ALL the Questions ago
Chapter 43: The Keeper's Visit ago
Chapter 44: My Goddess ago
Chapter 45: Promises Kept ago
Chapter 46: Meeting of the Gods ago
Chapter 47: Hungry Soul ago
Chapter 48: Lions and Spirits and Planning, Oh My! ago
Chapter 49: The Wraiths ago
Chapter 50: A Wealth of Knowledge ago
Chapter 51: Tubrock's Birth ago
Chapter 52: Kingdoms United ago
Chapter 53: The Sky Danced ago
Chapter 54: A Guided Path ago
Chapter 55: Doom? Doom. ago
Chapter 56: A Fox's Fright ago
Chapter 57: Underworld Woes ago
Chapter 58: Ore Really? ago
Chapter 59: Sad Truths ago
Chapter 60: The Pantheon United ago
Chapter 61: Irena's Revelations ago
Chapter 62: The Fallen Shall Rise ago
Chapter 63: Like Fish in a Barrel ago
Chapter 64: Dale's Camping Trip ago
Chapter 65: Waterfall ago
Chapter 66: No Rest for the Weary ago
Chapter 67: Bloody Gathering ago
Chapter 68: The Bloodied Hand ago
Chapter 69: The First Battle ago
Chapter 70: The Final Debt ago
Chapter 71: Make Him Proud ago
Chapter 72: The Cycle of Pain ago
Chapter 73: Dire Decisions ago
Chapter 74: A Mother's Hope ago
Chapter 75: War is Coming ago
Chapter 76: The Battle of Savir ago
Chapter 77: A Glimpse Beyond the Veil ago
Chapter 78: A Call to Arms ago
Chapter 79: Spelled Correctly ago
Chapter 80: Reputable Names ago
Chapter 81: Shameless ago
Chapter 82: The End is Neigh... Nigh? ago
Chapter 83: Advancement ago
Chapter 84: The Jerks in the Circle ago
Chapter 85: Watch the World Burn ago
Chapter 86: The True Language ago
Chapter 87: To End A War ago
Chapter 88: Turning Point ago
Chapter 89: Life Story ago
Chapter 90: Bag of Holding ago
Chapter 91: Spirits Be With Us ago
Chapter 92: The Race of Heroes ago
Chapter 93: Cowabunga, Dude! ago
Chapter 94: The Turn of the Tide ago
Chapter 95: The First True Ward ago
Chapter 96: Universally Bad Naming Sense ago
Chapter 97: Watching the Worlds Turn ago
Chapter 98: Need More? ago
Chapter 99: Alternative Facts ago
Chapter 100: D'ka Sha ago
Chapter 101: Hidden Knowledge ago
Chapter 102: Practice Makes Perfection ago
Chapter 103: Brain vs Brawn ago
Chapter 104: Hallowed be Thy Name ago
Chapter 105: The Demigod's Tale ago
Chapter 106: Core Studies ago
Chapter 107: Of Love and Loss ago
Chapter 108: The Truth and The Question ago
Chapter 109: The Once and Future King ago
Chapter 110: A Mother's Love ago
Chapter 111: A Daughter's Courage ago
Chapter 112: Meeting the Family ago
Chapter 113: Necessary Education ago
Chapter 114: A Wide Wide World ago
Chapter 115: Level Field ago
Chapter 116: The Devil's in the Details ago
Chapter 117: Deal with the Devil ago
Chapter 118: Happiness ago
Chapter 119: The Secret Guardian ago
Chapter 120: Decisions, Decisions ago
Chapter 121: The Fairiest of them All ago
Chapter 122: When Spirits Abound ago
Chapter 123: The Power of the Soul ago
Chapter 124: The Dark and Golden Age ago
Chapter 125: The Setting Sun ago
Chapter 126: Remember the Past to Make History ago
Chapter 127: Remember the Wraiths ago
Chapter 128: The Stars Shall Guide Your Way ago
Chapter 129: Dual Cultivation? ago
Chapter 130: Recruitment ago
Chapter 131: I'm on a Boat ago
Chapter 132: The Cliff at the End of the Sea ago
Chapter 133: Chumming the Waters ago
Chapter 134: Aeons Explained ago
Chapter 135: Through the Eye of the Storm ago
Chapter 136: The Man Who Would Not Be King ago
Chapter 137: Welcome to the Dungeon ago
Chapter 138: We've Got Gunning Flames ago
Chapter 139: The Crawl of the Dungeon ago
Chapter 140: Splitting the Spoils ago
Chapter 141: Homesick ago
Chapter 142: I Dream of Demons ago
Chapter 143: The Birth of Twilight ago
Chapter 144: I Want to Play a Game ago
Chapter 145: Pairing Off ago
Chapter 146: I Spy ago
Chapter 147: Resupplying and Setting Sail ago
Chapter 148: The Maybe Future Queen ago
Chapter 149: What Are They? ago
Chapter 150: A Gateway to a Brighter Future ago
Chapter 151: Transcending Language ago
Chapter 152: The Heart of the Cards ago
Chapter 153: Cultural Miscommunications ago
Chapter 154: Strength in Numbers ago
Chapter 155: For This Is War ago
Chapter 156: A River of Tiers ago
Chapter 157: The Demon's Hope ago
Announcement: Holding Up? Hopefully ago
Announcement: The Sun Emerges From Behind the Clouds! ago
Chapter 158: All the Time to Duel ago
Chapter 159: Underworld and Underdeveloped ago
Chapter 160: Strength in Unity ago
Chapter 161: Merkin, F*ck Yeah! ago
Chapter 162: A War on Economy ago
Chapter 163: To Review the Races ago
Chapter 164: Everything Has Its Price ago
Chapter 165: The Foundry ago
Chapter 166: Alme Dien ago
Chapter 167: The Awaited Meeting ago
Chapter 168: Threadbare Preparations ago
Chapter 169: Reunions ago
Chapter 170: A Tournament of Champions ago
Chapter 171: Destruction ago
Chapter 172: Playing Dirty ago
Chapter 173: Crushing ago
Chapter 174: An Old Game, a New Player ago
Chapter 175: Kill it With Fire ago
Chapter 176: Finder's Keeper ago
Chapter 177: A More Fitting Game ago
Chapter 178: The Exam ago
Chapter 179: Bihena's Kathy ago
Chapter 180: The Life of Magic ago
Chapter 181: To Spend a Fortune ago
Chapter 182: Planning Ahead to Keep My Head ago
Chapter 183: Special Education ago
Chapter 184: Accalia's Monster ago
Chapter 185: A Swarm of Studies ago
Chapter 186: Ultimate Power ago
Chapter 187: Finishing Training, the Time Draws Near ago
Chapter 188: This War is Over ago
Chapter 189: The End of the Beginning ago
Chapter 190: Glamorous and Calamitous ago
Chapter 191: Motivation ago
Chapter 192: The Perfect Trap ago
Chapter 193: The Keeper Speaks ago
Chapter 194: A Tale as Old as Time ago
Chapter 195: Upgrades ago
Chapter 196: Domains for Days ago
Chapter 197: Maid to Order ago
Chapter 198: Selections ago
Chapter 199: The Citadel ago
Chapter 200: The Rules and the Reps ago
Chapter 201: Scarlet's Warning ago
Chapter 202: Bloody Bonds ago
Chapter 203: The Spirit of Destruction ago
Chapter 204: More Research! ago
Chapter 205: All Are Equal in His Eyes ago
Chapter 206: The Only Way to Travel ago
Chapter 207: Aeon Training ago
Chapter 208: Stare Into the Abyss ago
Chapter 209: The Will of the World ago
Chapter 210: Aurivy's Training Grounds ago
Chapter 211: The Guiding Hand ago
Chapter 212: Scum of the Earth ago
Chapter 213: Crushing Hopes and Dreams ago
Chapter 214: Who's Afraid of the Big Bad Wolf? ago
Chapter 215: The Black Soul ago
Chapter 216: Lord of Nature ago
Chapter 217: Regret ago
Chapter 218: Loyalty ago
Chapter 219: Broken ago
Chapter 220: Another Origin ago
Chapter 221: A Pure Heart ago
Chapter 222: Holy Daughter ago
Chapter 223: Heaven and Hell ago
Chapter 224: The First Step ago
Chapter 225: Vacation ago
Chapter 226: The Start of a Daily Life ago
Chapter 227: To Show The Masses ago
Chapter 228: Look Upon The World ago
Chapter 229: A Date With Destiny ago
Chapter 230: Divine Dining ago
Chapter 231: Duality ago
Chapter 232: Lift Your Voice ago
Chapter 233: The True Sim ago
Chapter 234: Climb To The Top ago
Chapter 235: The Weird Trials ago
Chapter 236: Break The Bank ago
Chapter 237: Savage ago
Chapter 238: The Language of Magic ago
Chapter 239: Ancestor Fox ago
Chapter 240: Playing Catch-Up ago
Chapter 241: The King of Kings ago
Chapter 242: Salor's Choice ago
Chapter 243: Last Hope ago
Chapter 244: Min Maxer ago
Chapter 245: Pressing Matters ago
Chapter 246: The Wild Hunt ago
Chapter 247: The Evolution of Divinity ago
Chapter 248: Outward Expansion ago
Chapter 249: Incubation ago
Chapter 250: New Information ago
Chapter 251: A New Beginning ago
Chapter 252: The Last Flame ago
Chapter 253: Understanding the Beginning ago
Chapter 254: Martial Plight ago
Chapter 255: Scarlet's Secret ago
Chapter 256: The Living Death ago
Chapter 257: The Guild ago
Chapter 258: Slumming it Up ago
Chapter 259: The First Miracle ago
Chapter 260: Modern Conveniences ago
Chapter 261: Fyor's Final Steps ago
Chapter 262: The Laws Merged ago
Chapter 263: Cause and Effect ago
Chapter 264: Curing the Ninja ago
Chapter 265: Happiness ago
Chapter 266: The Queen's Request ago
Chapter 267: The Seekers of the Spheres ago
Chapter 268: Fyor's Future ago
Chapter 269: Spell It Out ago
Chapter 270: The Empress of Blood ago
Chapter 271: Training for the Invasion ago
Chapter 272: The Great Training Montage ago
Chapter 273: The Holy Knights ago
Chapter 274: It Begins ago
Chapter 275: Defend the Home ago
Chapter 276: Wolf's Bane ago
Chapter 277: The Deckmaster ago
Chapter 278: To Track the Traceless Foe ago
Chapter 279: The Most Unexpected Foe ago
Chapter 280: Completion Awards ago
Chapter 281: Selling the Goods ago
Chapter 282: Foundation ago
Chapter 283: The Unforseen Ruler ago
Chapter 284: Life Moves On ago
Chapter 285: Forged History ago
Chapter 286: Distant Horizons ago
Chapter 287: Shanir's Legacy ago
Chapter 288: The Path to Perfection ago
Chapter 289: Rising Stars ago
Chapter 290: Merlin's Preparations ago
Chapter 291: Styx ago
Chapter 292: Concealing Traces ago
Chapter 293: Hidden Agendas ago
Chapter 294: To Turn the Tides ago
Chapter 295: The Terrors in the Deep ago
Chapter 296: Drawing Water From a Stone ago
Chapter 297: Beyond the Mysterious Beyond ago
Chapter 298: Dull Blayd ago
Chapter 299: Schemes ago
Chapter 300: Secondary Objectives ago
Chapter 301: The Stone of Power ago
Chapter 302: The Power of the Stones ago
Chapter 303: Two Hundred Years of Night ago
Chapter 304: Trade Wars? ago
Chapter 305: Fear the Dark ago
Chapter 306: The Path of Salvation ago
Chapter 307: Sizable Siphons ago
Chapter 308: Gate's Hope ago
Chapter 309: Returning Home ago
Chapter 310: The Stakes ago
Chapter 311: Waters of Life ago
Chapter 312: Visitation ago
Chapter 313: Server Settings ago
Chapter 314: Twilight's Saga ago
Chapter 315: Charging for a Craft ago
Chapter 316: Marik's Dungeon ago
Chapter 317: Charging Extra ago
Chapter 318: Expectations ago
Chapter 319: Dancing Waves ago
Chapter 320: The Technological Super-Hydra ago
Chapter 321: A New Light ago
Chapter 322: The Dawn of a New Age ago
Chapter 323: A Vision of Tomorrow ago
Chapter 324: Stars and Stories ago
Chapter 325: A Whole New World ago
Chapter 326: Divine Revelations ago
Chapter 327: Aurivy's First Look ago
Chapter 328: The Hype ago
Chapter 329: Press Release ago
Chapter 330: New Divinity ago
Chapter 331: Shifting Focus ago
Chapter 332: Mirror, Mirror ago
Chapter 333: Scry Me a River ago
Chapter 334: Extermination ago
Chapter 335: Vanity ago
Chapter 336: The Passing of the Torch ago
Chapter 337: Time to Shine ago
Chapter 338: Return of the Traveler ago
Chapter 339: Luck of the Draw ago
Chapter 340: The Opening Slaughter ago
Chapter 341: Beholden to a Cause ago
Chapter 342: Invitation ago
Chapter 343: Opening Event ago
Chapter 344: Blood and Iron ago
Chapter 345: Unluck of the Draw ago
Chapter 346: Compendium of Magic ago
Chapter 347: The Eye of the Beholder ago
Chapter 348: Jinxed It ago
Chapter 349: Prelude to War ago
Chapter 350: The Slumbering Beast ago
Chapter 351: The Chosen Path ago
Chapter 352: Shattered Hopes ago
Chapter 353: Breaking News ago
Chapter 354: Fated Soul ago
Chapter 355: Shadows Lurk ago
Chapter 356: Expansion ago
Chapter 357: The Dragon's Dilemma ago
Chapter 358: Dragon's Duel ago
Chapter 359: The Dragon's Roost ago
Chapter 360: Departure ago
Chapter 361: Growing Pains ago
Chapter 362: Dinner Reservations ago
Chapter 363: Seeking a Path ago
Chapter 364: I'm Back ago
Chapter 365: Graduation ago
Chapter 366: Resolve ago
Chapter 367: Conspiracy ago
Chapter 368: The Big Score ago
Chapter 369: The Grinning Shade ago
Chapter 370: The Golden Favor ago
Chapter 371: Avatars ago
Chapter 372: The Pantheon Parthenon ago
Chapter 373: Nebula ago
Chapter 374: Swarm Tactics ago
Chapter 375: Stormworld ago
Chapter 376: Ascension ago
Chapter 377: The Final Manifestation ago
Chapter 378: A New Age Dawns ago
Chapter 379: Counting Cards ago
Chapter 380: The Watcher ago
Chapter 381: Special Event ago
Chapter 382: Heart's Shadow ago
Chapter 383: To Call the Void ago
Chapter 384: Well Equipped ago
Chapter 385: The Pact ago
Chapter 386: Internet Sensation ago
Chapter 387: Conquest ago
Chapter 388: What Sorcery is This ago
Chapter 389: Synergy ago
Chapter 390: The Mirror's Analysis ago
Chapter 391: Financial Planning ago
Chapter 392: Lift-Off ago
Chapter 393: Spica ago
Chapter 394: Firsthand Look ago
Chapter 395: The Binding of a Soul ago
Chapter 396: Self-Reflection ago
Chapter 397: Return to the Meeting ago
Chapter 398: The Trade ago
Chapter 399: Dream Another Dream of Me ago
Chapter 400: Amalgamation ago
Chapter 401: Thick-Skinned ago
402: Mending a Broken Heart ago
Chapter 403: Echoed Fates ago
Chapter 404: Chapter Not Found ago
Chapter 405: Stare Into the Abyss ago
Chapter 406: The Fox and the Hare ago
Chapter 407: A Whole New World ago
Chapter 408: Foreign Relations ago
Chapter 409: If You Want Something Done Right ago
Chapter 410: The Path Ahead ago
Chapter 411: Karmic Justice ago
Chapter 412: Thawing the Frozen Heart ago
Chapter 413: First(?) Contact ago
Chapter 414: Long Live the Queen ago
Chapter 415: Disaster Awareness ago
Chapter 416: Beyond Perfection ago
Chapter 417: The End of the Line ago
Chapter 418: The Passing of the Torch ago
Chapter 419: Treasured Knowledge ago
Chapter 420: Shady Transactions ago
Chapter 421: Disaster Prevention Hotline ago
Chapter 422: The Life of a Shadow ago
Chapter 423: Troubled Times ago
Chapter 424: Sher Dien ago
Chapter 425: Political Maneuvering ago
Chapter 426: Carna Petra ago
Chapter 427: The Brightest Future ago
Chapter 428: A Star is Born ago
Chapter 429: Wish Upon a Star ago
Chapter 430: Thoughts and Prayers ago
Chapter 431: The Era of Champions ago
Chapter 432: The Greatest Plans of Slimes and Men ago
Reviews

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Rhadamanthine
  • Overall Score

No conflict, and characters are thrown idiots balls to save the plot,.

Reviewed at: Chapter 316: Marik's Dungeon

On my initial read-through, I dropped this fic around chapter 30-40. The main character repeatedly made stupid decisions, and was walked all over by everyone around him, regardless of what he did.

However, boredom had me turn back to this, and he did get better--the harem oddly turned up the very beginning, but only included two people, and faded to black whenever something beyond cuddling happened.. Very understated, which was a plus for me, though I wonder why he included it at all.

The protagonist wised up at least a little, and the people around him stopped walking all over him. Plus, for a royal road story, the grammar and writing is above average.

So why the two stars, you might think? Well, as of chapter 316, there are a few reasons:

  • The main character still makes bizarre, enormous mistakes, which no one points out. He buys an ability that would let him split his mind, and have one portion sped up a thousand fold. This would let him train with the sped up portion until he's godlike without moving himself up the rankings in the "deadly" game he's in. He knows this, and just...stops halfway through, for no reason. He could probably finish it in a week from the progress he shows, and instead trains other abilities he could speed up with this one.
  • He rushes into the war games (you aren't forced in until your planets are a certain level of power) instead of training his personal abilities and skills. Again, for no reason. This would easily be solved with the games forcing him in after a certain amount of time. Instead, he looks suicidal and completely apathetic for his people.
  • No one has normal reactions or morals. He dies, learns EVERYONE he's ever known is now dead, and doesn't give a shit. Certain Keepers train their personal abilities, and reset the worlds to become "avengers" who target "monstrous" rank one keepers. How is a person who sends monsters to attack worlds worse than genociding worlds by resetting them? It makes no sense.
  • Worst of all, there's no conflict. The horrifying keeper games that are threatened show up all of once for real in the time I read (the rest are with friendly people), and it was a joke.
  • I don't see how the author can possibly scale the power levels or ever realisticially finish the series, from what we see of the higher levels of keepers.

TL;DR: For those who push through the first several chapters, trying to get to the games--don't bother.

 

Nicholas Obviouslyfakelastnamebecauseprivacy
  • Overall Score
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  • Story Score
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  • Character Score

I'm rewriting my review due to being tired as hell and missing a few points. I'll list them all quickly here:

1. All the characters feel the same except for one chick who's a kid, one chick who doesn't like being brainwashed by Dale but still wants to fuck him, and one chick that's not a chick, but is a steryotypical MANLY MAN DWARF that probably talks in a scottish accent.

2. The story has an incredible premise but doesn't use it.

3. There's no stakes.

4. There's no plot.

5. There's minimal buildup.

6. Theres minimal and no payoff for the whole 2 potentially exciting points of the book.

7. The character is not only not creative, he's stupid while creating Earth.

 

First of all, all the characters feel the same except for their differing relationship to Dale. I have resorted to telling the goddesses, god, and single actual character apart not by their character, but if/how much Dale fucks them. The demon chick get's no action and is just locked in hell. The furry chick that gets loads of action because she's got nothing better to do. The techno-demon chick get's no action because she's Dale's friend. The loli chick get's no action because the author probably has vain hopes of selling this book on Amazon, and the dude gets no action because Dale isn't gay. The golden chick is totally going to fuck Dale eventually, but not yet. The only reason I remember her is because the author did the bare minimum of characterization and assigned her two whole character traits. Determined and subservient. That's the entire nuance of her character. Is there any reason why she's determined? Nope. She just is. Is there any reason why any of the characters are like this? Nope, they just are. My suggestion to the author? Write out a google doc of all of the characters, describe them intricately, and whenever they're forced with a situation, look at their character and try to think of what they would do. You may've realized that I've not mentioned a single character by their name, and that's because despite reading a chapter just yesterday, Dale's name is the only one I remember. That and Tsubi or something for the golden one.

 

The story has an incredible premise but doesn't use it. Basically, this story is alot like Steven Universe, it has a great premise, but for the love of god it can't focus on the CELESTIAL FUCKING WAR GOING ON and instead focuses on Dale playing a videogame, or taming a dragon (which, somehow, the author somehow makes boring. Who knew a battle with no stakes could be so boring? I'll touch on this later). The story has used it's premise all of two times. Once Dale got invaded, the monsters tried to rough up a random bum-fuck-nowhere village, got absolutely destroyed, then some dude made a tracking Yu-Gi-Ho card, found them, and Dale nuked them from a sky fortress. That's literally the entire invasion, which had been built up for a year, and was apparently from a world that spent it's entire time trying to make the most powerful apex predator. On top of this, the story never really follows up on the incredibly interesting worlds or things it has created. The planet with solar powered superheroes which sounds like something out of Superman's wet dream? Who gives a fuck. The intersting as hell dungeon cores? Hell no! The potential race relations of a bunch of different species meeting? How about I just do some random ass shit that somehow solves it forever and never bring it up again! You see what I'm saying? The author deals with the problems of his world in an almost begrudging way, like he'd rather get back to playing a LitRPG in his LitRPG world where he is a literal god. My suggestion: Focus on the intricacies of the world, and intelligent ways of solving them. Don't make stupid problems with mortal antagonists, there's no stakes anyway, how about poverty, corruption (which is a lot less a people problem, and more a systen problem) and maybe even, y'know, world invasions? Things that can't be solved with god magic? Maybe give us a view of an orc that invaded that hellscape planet? Maybe even THE LEADER OF THE INVASION, so we can see him doing actual intelligent things (as opposed to Dale just stomping enemies with his god powers) and also get an overview of how the invasion is going!

 

There's no stakes. How do you add stakes to a story about a god of gods? Have them fight people on equal level. Yet the story never does this. During the dragon fight Dale made some comment about "I don't wanna accidentally kill him" and it made the whole chapter feel like watching a Predator drone fight a Roomba. Sure there are some cool moves being used on the strong guy's side, but it's just boring because you already know who's going to win. There are zero stakes, and all the one time where there was a stake (a single one, sadly sticking out of the ground) it is promptly smashed by the gods, Dale, and his super-fortress who all had fucking years worth of time to prepare. My suggestion: More invasions. Problems that don't just require assassination or a stern talking-to by god daddy. Maybe even add some random invasions that give no preparation time aside from a week from the perspective of your world.

 

There's no plot. My suggestion to the author: Add an overarching plot. How about revisiting that whole thousandth or ten thousandth keeper idea or something? Maybe make the goal freeing everyone from the system?

There's minimal buildup. There's just no tension precisely because there are no stakes. You cant build something up if there's no tension. Fix the stakes problem, and you will at least make this problem a million times easier to solve.

 

There's no payoff. Again. Add stakes. Kill people. Have a neck and neck battle between the invaders and the invaded. Not just a battle that looks less like a battle and more like what would happen if the American Airforce decided to bring down hell upon a random African tribe.

 

The character creates possibly the worst "world" to defend with. Ok, so for this I'll be assuming that this system judges the power of a world by adding up all of the power of the individuals. Therefore the best world is: An authoritarian state that's similar to a worldwide North Korea, filled with a highly trained and militarized populace that hangs on the keeper's every word and is, at any moment, willing to spring into action. A world that is in a constant state of semi-mobilization, where any civilian would sacrifice their own mom just because I said so, run by a god that I created specifically to be the literal best ruler possible. One filled with either a singular race, or many different races all suited to different jobs, that are all "programmed" to be truly happy with their castes' job so that there would be no exploitable problems with race. What does Dale do? Create a bunch of different fucking races, have them develop in different places, then the author just bullshits his way out of the at least 19 different genocides that should've happened by then. Hell, us earthlings have genocided each other over religion, slightly whiter but still black skin, and so much more! Yet it never even crosses the civilian's minds here. That and Dale never really manages the world, yet having a god micro-manage the fuck out of it would clearly be more efficient. My suggestion: Stop being so stupid. Look up real-world issues, how real-world people solved them, and think about how you would solve them if you were in Dale's shoes. Don't just conveniently forget to bring up all the genociding and crusading that everyone clearly wanted to do by just saying "yeah a god told them not to and that always stops people right? and just glossing over/ignoring a few massive problems the world should realistically have because goddamn, gotta have more videogame time!"

 

Author, if you're reading this, I implore you, listen to the suggestions, incorporate some of the millions of interesting issues into the story, and stop focusing on the World of Warcraft knockoff like it's a purchase you're trying to justify by using it 24/7. This is a god story. You made a LITRPG, you don't need to add another LITRPG within it like a Russian nesting doll of bad ideas.

Rolas
  • Overall Score

The story premise sounds really good. 

Being able to build and influence the world how you like it. Doing it through a system and direct influence. Sounds really interesting. 

It would be if the MC would do something like that. All he's doing is training magic and other energies to grow stronger. So this is just another wuxia/xanxia novel. Really disappointing.

datkillerdude
  • Overall Score

Man... I was planning to enjoy this one, I was excited by the premise but... just why woukd you do it like this?

I realized this was going to be a painfully disappointing one the moment you skipped the blue screen depicting the other races stats and info, and I don't understand, why would you do that? That's like half the charm this story promises, what are we here if not for the world building? The not-real relationships between the gone-from-broing-to-hateful MC and his artificial pseudo harem? Well I'm certainly not.

Dale Mitchell started as your boring average person who becomes your average boring godlike world keeper, there's that, kinda fucked up the fact he likes to implant fake feelings in his subordinates but hey this might just not be my cup of tea. But then what's matter? So to put this way, I have trouble reading your characters because not only they feel fake and cheap, but because they are obstructing what really matters. Most of them. I mean I can deal with Dale and Catwoman weird relationship, but then you give me this group of characters and lets count what they've brought to the table.

The wacky relationship between MC and most females, the loli thingy, the catwoman GRINNING ALL FUCKING DAY, literally everytime she's got her turn to talk she's got some kind of grin for the occasion, Dale not understanding why is fucked up to manipulate others feelings ''wuh wuh why u so mad Bihema'' well fuck how could she not be mad, she knows what's up, actually the question is are we sure the other two are sentient? I can understand catgirl but the other two... are we sure they aren't still some kind of mindless dolls?

Now if you give me to choose between which I should read, read all that stuff or read about the origins of life, the dawn of civilizations, the conflict in the lives of these mortals, the technology advance of the humans in comparison with the elves, the continents, the seas, the cultures, I don't know. And that's why I dislike those characters, they're not that bad but they are an obstacle for what really matters. I mean, damn, I don't have anything against loli or some other anime references but to be clearer, you give me a detailed focus on who are the current leaders of all civilizations on one hand and a loli is justice monologue in the other then I'm not gonna give a fuck about lolis.

Then it comes to the other half of the charm of this fic, being god, or learning to be god and his interactions with the mortals, this is actually there but going slow and gotta deal with the other unwanted bs meanwhile, sadly. But then again there's close to 0 interaction with the mortals, again, what are we here for? The keeper games are still someway far, so I don't see how great is the admin room compared to the whole world that exists outside.

 

To put it simple, this could be amazing but its not.

OwlofMinerva
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Great concept not so wonderful execution

I read about 200 chapters because I loved the concept of this web serial, but I stopped reading because the story didn't stray very far from the wishfulfilement themes. What could have been very interesting worldbuilding moments were completely skipped in favour of training sequences and harem-like interactions.

It's still not a bad story though if you are into harems, anime like interactions and light worldbuilding it will be right of your alley. The story is generally well written and the Characters have well defined personalities.

Tallictr
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I hate to say it, but Dale seems like a dipstick. I mean, who nods like a mindless idiot when they don't fully understand what is about to happen? Also! Why did the catgirl person not explain everything in detail? Imo It felt so rushed it was almost cruel to the MC. She said a very, and I cannot stress this word enough, BRIEF summary of the trouble he's in for. She jumped from one thing to another with only a few questionably helpful things here and there. Obviously this guy is not very sure of what he's doing considering he took absolutely NO time to think about the advantages and disadvantages of each possible starter package. By the way, Dale, instead of choosing the 'cool' package how about choosing the one that's less likely to get you killed because I would imagine that being priority number one! Plus, who the hell told her to speed anything up! Smh. Like don't do shit I haven't approved of. Especially when I need time to think out strategies on how to create, shape, and develop an entire planet to maximum defensive capabilities.!

This was just after chapter 1. But what you have here is potential Gold. Don't ruin it by simplifying the protagonist's situation and the situation of the developing planet. I mean, give us details about the creation of the planet itself! Not just 'POOF! OK ALL DONE!' No. Be better Author-man. Unfortunately I can't read this anymore because I tried to look at what happens later on (y'know a glimpse of what interesting things may convince me to stay) and I just think that you should start over from scratch and re-do the story with more realistic elements. Like remorse over killing a man or the struggles of coming to terms with being the creator of an entire world with people that will face invasion and whatnot.

All I'm saying is that you kinda butchered the beginning and glossed over the small but important details. Other than that it's A-1 material.

patlıcan
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Great concept for those who like world building stories

Good concept. Has much more potential than all those dungeon building stories as a world building story in my opinion. It is worth to give this fiction a try.

 

Writing style is not bad. The author manages to avoid some common style errors. It gets a passing score. But while it is technically not bad, it is also quite bland. The writing could really use some embellishment. Some pretty adverbs in descriptions and all that...

 

Story is off to a decent start. As I stated above, the general concept has great potential for a world building story. A common weak point of such stories is that they get repetitive and boring rather shortly, but the author is already setting up a system to potentially avoid this by getting the main character out of god/creation-mode and into the personal adventure mode.

 

At this point, I will go back to the style. So far, when it comes to the execution, it seems that the author is going with a mechanical approach to the story telling, especially to the world building. While number crunching about how to manage a world is fun, this needs to be supported by pleasing storytelling in a literary sense. Otherwise the story becomes too monotone. For example the author just completely glosses over the initial creation of the world, while a very striking and pleasing couple of paragraphs could be written about "the process of turning a grey nothingness into a vast planet filled with lush colors". Missed opportunities like this for potentially epic moments in the story saddens and disappoints me.

 

Grammar is as good as it can be expected from a web novel. There are some mistakes that I came across so a proofread could improve it further. But they were few and not very detrimental to my reading experience.

 

The characters are where the story really loses its points. Good thing is, it is still early so this could still be remedied. But so far, I've read 9 chapters (counting prologue) of this story, and I have yet to meet any real characters in it. Terra is the generic anime cat girl stereotype, without any distinguishing characteristic. The protagonist is the same, as far as characteristics goes, he might as well be "side-dude #148" in "generic web novel #72". They haven't displayed any emotion, character quirks, anything that sets them apart as a character really.

What is more worrying is that, character development is also pretty much nonexistent. If there was nice character development implemented into the story starting with the next chapter, the character problem would probably mostly be solved by chapter 20. But so far, things do not look so good on this front. I have just read chapter 8 and I know exactly as much about Terra as I knew at chapter 1.

But I am going to restate this, although this is a problem at the moment, there is still time to fix this problem.

 

This fiction has great potential, but to live up to that potential some improvements are needed. Specifically the bland writing and nonexistent character development needs to be improved. As a sucker for world building stories, I will definitely be following this one. I recommend that people give this one a shot and I definitely recommend it for people who like analytical world building. 

 

* Review is written as of chapter 8.

* Hoping the fiction improves, forcing me to improve this review and the score along with it.

Crunbum
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Good story idea ruined by terribly simple, anime-ish characters

The story itself has a fairly interesting premise - MC becomes a "keeper"(i.e world creator). He gets to design its form, rules, power systems etc.

 

That, in itself could be really entertaining to read if not for one of two giant flaws this story seems to have :

 

Simplicity.

 

We're presented with a powerful tool of creation, where he can basically make anything he imagines reality...But guess what?

 

The first thing he creates is a beautiful female companion (who coincidentally just so happens to fall in love at first sight, has zero personality etc...oh, and did i mention its a cat-girl?)

 

That's generic to say the least, but it would not matter if not for what he does next - the all-powerful tool of creation presents him some example power systems in addition to a custom one...and what does he do? He does not even take notice of the custom system and directly chooses the, once again, incredibly generic "magic system", without giving it as much as a thought.

 

He still has an option to customize it though....but he does not, he simply picks another option from a drop down menu. He proceeds to go for a generic game system, without giving it a single idea of his own (levels and classes, skills locked to class etc, like really?)

 

Then he creates races...or should i say makes elves blatantly overpowered. Like, really, humans have lower stat total, lower lifespan, no special racial abilities, lower everything basically.But alright, elves are meant to be powerful after all...but no, he proceeds to create several other generic races like beastmen, giving it no thought of his own.

 

What I'm trying to say is, the MC and all characters of this story suffer from complete and utter lack of imagination, are childish and generally dumb. Oh and the kitsune companion of our MC is so proud of him doing an absolute worthless mess of a creation she jumps onto him and they have sex.

 

...But that aside, other than the characters and their glaring flaws, everything else in the story is interesting, its just that, I simply don't want another otaku simpleton of a unimaginative and unrealistic excuse of a MC.

 

Pros : Good story and grammar, easily readable as everything flows together nicely, has potential to be unique with the way its going (10 chapters out as of review)

Cons : Anime dolls instead of characters

Bredo
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Why doesn't this have the harem tag?

To sum it up shortly, this story has a lot of great potential but Its completely ruined by the fact that the author likes anime a bit too much.

He spent most of his 'points' (currency used to buy new things to put in his wolrd) on making 'goddesses' and their personalities, which honestly wouldn't be a problem if they didn't only exist to satisfy the MC's Furry/loli fetish. 

I ended up dropping the story at chapter 19 because that's the point that he gets really serious about creating his harem... in a story that doesn't have the harem tag. 

Tl;dr - from my knowledge up to chapter 19, This is a good story if you're not bothered by lots of weeb stuff and harems. 

rubylady143
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The premise is very good

Very interesting read. The story has so much potential that I am a bit sad that the author has failed to harness it. I think the problem is with Terra's characterization. The author has obviously wanted a harem from the get go but perhaps Terra's character was to create conflict. As of chapter 45 I am not very sure wt the author is trying to do or thinking about.

SPOILER. It's not ok for Dale to sleep with his goddess but it is apparently ok for her to? Like wth is going on, really? Bihena, one of his creations is hostile to him and he just goes along with it. Not even trying to find out why she's hostile or wtf happened. The goddess ask him for something and he does it. They do something, he finds out, not fully on board but yet goes along with it. Where is his voice? What does he want to do with his world? What does he want the goddesses to do? Does he want to just laze while Terra does everything? If so, then his actions are contradictory. Does he want to rule over his world instead of Terra? If so, his actions are contradictory. (see wt i mean?)

I completely understand when ppl review of it's anime-ish characteristics. The characters have minimal to no depth. Cardboard cut-outs. Cliches.

It is still an enjoyable read but if the author is planning to go anywhere sensible and indepth with this story, he needs to do something about his characters. 

Tbh, I just read worm by wildbow (yes, i just found out it exists and read it) and everything currently pales in comparison. To be fair, as my mind is very critical, i can at least tell you there is a bit of a problem.