Evolve or DIE !!

by Pranay

It was like any other normal day on earth, the sun was shining and the birds were chirping. Everyone was busy doing their tasks, some were working, some were chatting while others were resting.

Suddenly, the sky was lit up by thousands of blindingly bright lights coming towards the earth at an extremely fast speed. Seeing this, people all around the world woke up from their carefree attitude and immediately turned their attention towards the sky. Some were confused, some were scared while others just sat down and prayed silently but everyone knew that it was the sign of an impending disaster.

What are these bright lights and who has caused this ? Is it a human ? Is it god ? Is it the devil ? Or is it something beyond our wildest imagination ?

Warning: Tagged [15+] for gore, violence and strong language.

P.S: This is the rewrite of my first novel so please go easy on this poor soul. ^_^.

Infrequent updates so don't blame me later on that you do not update it often.

Also the first few chapters are a bit short, however the later ones will be of reasonable sizes.

P.P.S: Don't try to apply science to this novel, because it will not help and wherever it might be used, the MC can do it himself.
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Side Info : This is not another novel with an OP MC, the MC will not get overpowered anytime soon, so if you want to read an OP novel, you've come to the [wrong place].
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Pranay

Pranay

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drakan_glasses BE NICE! Fair critique is fair, but be respectful & follow the review rules. There will be no mercy.
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Azcheron
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Story
Grammar
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A promising start INDEEEEEEED!

Yes....yes quite.... 

Well if it doesn't take a nose dive for the worst soon, this could we be on par with some of the top stories on the site. 

You just need to make sure that you keep the content fresh, have a coherent and decent storyline, form an engaging and deep skills/points/magic/upgrades/evolution/titles system (all or some, the more the better :P) which makes the reader want to be part of it.

Also make sure your MC is given some chartacter soon, or he will become dry as packet of cornflakes in death valley. I know i'm being harsh, but we're on chapter 3, so either lengthen the chapters, OR GET ON IT!!!

 

Style is decent, to early to tell if it is merely competent or something better ;) at least its not rubbish.

Grammar is spot on so far.

Overall keep it up and dont give up, i see great potential here :D

Rachel
Overall

Good post apocalyptic setting, at the least the MC doesn't get OP right off the bat

I think that the story is a fun read and the author is doing a good work. I just hope that the author never drops it.

 

P.S : We want faster releases!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Austin
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

I’ve made a similar comment on your previous novel, I just wanna ask, why do you want to keeeeeeeeepppppppppppppp us waiting!!!!!

 

Well anyway, hope this one is good too and we want faster releases !!!

 

Fray
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Ok, updated review. The author has made effort to change and make it better, so I give acknowledgement to that. I also suggest making the chapters longer.

SPOILERS AHEAD

 

STYLE-It remains mostly the same. It still seems formal and stiff, but the author HAS made effort to change and make it better, so I give a 3 stars. It's also needlessly complicated at some points and not enough details at others. Basically, it's detailed at descriptions, but not of actions. For example, at one point 5 zombies fell over thread used to trip them and the MC kills them. There was no mention of them tripping over/landing  on each other, flailing, or a series of thuds as they hit the ground. Stuff like that helps add to the style.

STORY- Author has changed to solve the plot holes I mentioned in the earlier review, but it sort of feels odd. I mentioned how the MC had no personal connection to anyone in the hospital, and now his his best friend. That was a fairly well done bit. but it was made difficult by the MC's Unique Skill that gets rid of fear and disgust. I'd honestly suggest that he avoid having that skill, there's too many stories out there with a MC having a skill that calms their mind and such. It sort of comes across as a cheap way for authors to have a cool and calm MC, instead of having their MC work to become one. Instead, the author could give him another skill if he wants, one that keeps the 30% Reaction Time Boost, call it Improved Reflexes. Have the MC have a natural calm and reasoning disposition, THAT would let the Author keep the MC's calm and reasoning, while giving him the ability to burst out with emotions or such in the story. 

GRAMMAR- The Author has gone and fixed a lot of the small mistakes which were mainly what dragged it down, some minor problems with commas (where they go, where they should be, etc.), but that's mainly me nitpicking at it.

CHARACTER- I give it 3 stars, because it's still forming. We've not a lot of details on the character, putting out all of his past kind of took away the chance to use that to build him up.

 

I WISH TO SAY, KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK AUTHOR! 

 

 

OLD REVIEW FOR COMPARISON

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First off, as of Chapter 5, I want to say I like  the potential and the genre (game-element apocalypse), but I have problems with how it's been done.  When I saw this pop up on 'Top Weekly Reviews', I decided to take a look, but it feels like you read a similar fiction or story like 'The Gamer' and decided to try it yourself. It feels rushed or like you didn't stop and go over everything  you wrote, doing yourself a disservice.

 

I don't really do reviews, so if I mess up or seem too harsh, bear with me . It's supposed to be a detailed review of 6 chapters, so it's listing all of their problems at once.  If the author changes the chapters or how they do them, I'll come back and go over it again.

 

WARNING, SPOILERS BELOW

Style: I took points off for how you repeat things and lack of fluidity. The writer seemed to go the path of too much info and telling it wrong. It ends up being needlessly complicated and failing to really describe it. The writer has also used words that didn't fit as well as they could've. For example, you named the weapon the MC recieved 'Lowest Level Saber', which knock me as a reader off balance as it was both a mouthful and confusing. Is there a 'Second-Lowest level Saber' or 'Mid Level Saber' next? Are there grades for items? The writer missed a chance to explain items with a pop up window too.  Something like 'Old Saber' or 'Basic Saber' would've fit better and explained the blade as being a poor but decent weapon, but 'Lowest Level Saber' is just odd and jarring. It'd be like describing a weak pistol as 'Lowest Level Pistol' instead of being 'Old Pistol'. Another example would be the surgery doors with a porthole-like window, which became door with 'circular broken translucent glass'. Sure, it's sort of right, but it doesn't explain or draw a picture in your mind like it should/could.

 

Story:Many plot holes. Much confusion. Such MC luck.

 So here the MC is, top surgeon of the hospital, about to start the operation when the apocalypse happens. So, away runs the rest of the surgeons and the patient who is apparently wide awake and not prepped for the team of surgeons to work on. MC looks outside the window from the operation room to see the meteor-like-lights shooting through the sky (though why there's such windows with such a view leading directly to the outside in an operating room is unknown).

Zombies start trying to break into the room, apparently unable to get past the surgery doors, which from the design that were described sounded like some of those push-swinging doors  you'd see at hospital (the ones you can just push/walk through). MC kills them and started boarding the window hole up with cardboard. I repeat, CARDBOARD, though it's possible it was meant to be just boards... either way they are conveniently lying around in the operation room for some reason. No idea what he uses to board them up with either.

Plus, everyone else in the hospital just sort of disappeared. There was no personal touch added at all. He poked his head out the porthole window in the door, saw some people being attacked, and basically just shrugged. The MC apparently didn't have any connection to a patient, doctor, or fellow surgeon. It would've helped the story more if the deaths were made personal  or if he knew anyone else in the hospital, which it feels like he doesn't since he didn't recognize anyone fighting or try to stop the surgeons from running earlier or try to help those fighting.

On top of that, there's not a lot of detail on the mechanics of the 'game system', which is understandable since it's suddenly appeared to the MC, but he doesn't demonstrate any confusion or any real interest or notice anything odd with his status screen. He barely glanced at it, missing out on a chance for any part of the system to be explained to the readers. Does Strength increase the damage done or simply make him stronger? Why are his current stats the way they are? His 'Slash' skill is supposed to cost 3 SP, what is that? Why is Spirit without any stats? Can he gain stats or new types of stats? The MC doesn't even acknowledge any of these types of questions, he just opens his status window and sees the level he's at.

And this is Chapter 2. It continues on like this and  I'll skip to Chapter 5, where the hospital basement also conveniently has a bunker that the hospital uses to store their medicine. I believe this is supposed to be a hospital in New York? 

 

Grammar: Grammar was one of your better points, but there's still problems. I don't know if English is your main language, but there are plenty of basic misspelling which could be resolved if the writer just went back over them. Or if he read them outloud. Or if he had someone else look at his chapters before he posts, to pick out any problems. For example, he described the saber saying it had golden cravings,  I assume he means carvings.

 

Character: I'm not going to go over Character. I don't know enough and/or the other problems make it difficult. I can't tell if his skill is affecting how he usually is to not care about people fighting for their lives or he's naturally this way.

 

 

TL;DR: The story seems rushed, plenty of plot holes, unexplained things that should've been explained, basic grammar mistakes, and not enough details on the character.

 

fanobody
Overall

ANALYSATION is just a french word -> to asherino

 

I would say that this story is good but no originality.

What would make me want to live what happen to a doctor that have noting. Yes he have a skill that make him think like a robot but

"spoiler" He have a class tamer that make him having stat point of his pet but no power of his own.

I would prefer to read about a crasy doctor that want to make a monster because it is his dream to make monster and it is his first reason because he want to becaume a doctor.

 

What your story lack the most is a goal

asherino
Overall

Analysation is not a word(maybe in porn?).

Analysis is a word. Even the word processor marks it as red when I type it into my browser.

 

Overall, decent story. You can try to do better. Please try to do better.

Awesomism
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

And the Nobel prize for the most potential goes to ......

I think that this story has an amazing potential. The MC is fairly normal since he isn't like some stupid MCs who immediately think of getting stronger, as soon as the apocalypse starts. The MC also doesn't get an OP skill right off the bat which is the best thing, and survives with the help of his wits and a bit of luck.

 

Overall, the novel if fairly very good and if it continues, could reach the top of the royalroadl's best rated.

Kandoral
Overall

Like the title says, it is flawed.

The MC is a surgeon (well way too young to be one) and when it all happened they were going to operate on a patient in an operation theater. Why does a operation theater, which has to be completely clean and sterile, have a window to the outside? Why is there food in an operation theater where they were going to cut a patient open? That is not clean and not sterile! Is he supposed to be a surgeon or a butcher?

 

His skill has nothing to do with his ability, he should have gotten "Steady hand" or sth like that and not things of the mind

hunterxsamurai
Overall

U know what this fiction too boring for me right now after i read latest update no emotions or feeling is just like plain book story for kid. I'm out from here

 

Ps: gonna change review in future chapter is that interested to read. remember i i watching u ( •̀ㅁ•́;)