The Dungeon Hive
Fantasy Begins: Book 1 of the Dungeon Hive Trilogy, Dungeon Flames: #2 of the Dungeon Hive Trilogy, and Spread of the Dungeons: III of the Dungeon Hive Trilogy are now available on Amazon.com. You can find it at the following links; Book_1, Book_2, Book_3
One thing I noticed about most dungeon stories is that most races mistakenly believe that dungeons have a hive-mind and I go, “That make sense.” Considering the various powers and how big dungeons can get, wouldn’t it make more sense for them to have a hive-mind? So this is it; my take of the world’s first dungeon and the hive that controls it. Watch as it stumbles, fall, survive, strive and…procreate? Watch as it changed the world of Ioplon…for better and for worse.
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Loving this story so far, I really like the world you seem to be setting up, and that your dungeon seems to be in the early fantasy era.
It's different from what you would expect, definitely. That difference is overall positive. What I can say about this first book though is that it's not good enough for me to buy the second and third one on Amazon.
Other than the one dimensional evil boss wizard, the dungeon creation and the experiments done by the spirits bring a sense of wonder to the reader.
The dungeon building is there, comedy is there too.
Overall I give this a flying pig out of ten.
Unlike most Novels about Dungeons this Story is not about a Individual but instead about a newly created hivemind of spirits wich love to argue and haphazardly create creatures.
Aside from the rather unique spin on the concept the story convinves with good pacing, entertaining Dialogue between the spirits and a fair bit of humor.
The Writing is also thoroughly enjoayble. While starting off (intentionally) primitive the Hive soon begins to use more complex sentences and gains some understanding of more complex concepts.
The only critique I have would be the lack of notable characters.The sidecharacters have their fair share of personality but there is little opportunity to explore it.
The hive also has a ton of quirky spirits but we never get to know them beyond that.
However too much of that might just overburden the story and I enjoy it as a lighthearted story.
Alright, so this is my second time trying this story out and admittedly I got farther this time, but I still ended up stopping before reaching the end.
(SPOILERS AHEAD, YE BE WARNED)
The premise of the story is interesting. It starts off on showing how the first dungeon was born, as well as the learning curve it goes through as it improves step by step.
Honestly, I like this part of the story much more than the instant, "Buy this advancement through the dungeon point system" game system that many other dungeon stories use. There are still game elements involved, as shown by the adventurer status screen depicting the individual strength, mana etc. in numeric terms, however it doesn't seem as all encompassing as in many other stories (at least to the point I reached before stopping).
The interesting premise is sadly overshadowed by the confusing multiple-personality hive dialogue and grammar/spelling errors.
I realize the different voices given by the author are an attempt to depict the disharmony and inner conflict with this hive mentality. I do wish however that this problem were resolved earlier, as I think it was supposed to be funnier than I actually found it. They also seem drawn-out, a single conversation encompassing half of an entire chapter simply because there are so many voices.
(SPOILERS ENDED, BUT SO IS MOST OF THE REVIEW)
The largest bit that finally made me stop reading however was the grammar and spelling.
I'm not a grammar Nazi, honestly I'm not. I'm sure I've made multiple mistakes in this review alone.
The story however, is slightly painful to read.
Don't get me wrong, it's not Pasted-Straight-From-Google-Translate bad, but there are multiple issues.
For example, there are many cases where the wrong word is used in a sentence. The word is usually spelled similarly to the intended word, but the mistakes tended to jolt me as a reader as I had to figure out what was supposed to be written instead of what was written.
Tenses also seem to jump around a bit in several sentences, which I also found confusing.
By chapter 14, I was tired of trying to enjoy the story for what it was.
To the author,
Thank you very much for the time and effort you put into writing and posting your story for others to read. That alone makes you awesome.
While I didn't get far enough into your story to really give the story itself a fair try, (I always attempt to make it to the halfway point before making judgements on the story itself) I think that from the number of people who read this that you've done a great job in making entertaining content.
If you can, I'd recommend an editor for your chapters. Editors are great for catching those small slips that keep the reading experience from flowing smoothly.
They also help in catching those mistakes which are often missed by spell-check, which is a common reason for misplaced words in stories.
Once again, thanks for writing.
Keep up the good work!
light hearted fantasy about the result of a failed ritual and the creation of the very first dungeon. that's fun and original, give that a try.
seriously, i can't find many flaws in this novel, and i usually do, the concept is good, the realization hits the expectations and thw world building is intriguing, very good job.
I am not prone to many words so lest sumarize:
The great victory of autor-dono is to don't shoot for the moon and fail on it. There is a proper end and the story delivers what it have to. Can be continued or finished there and all is well under the heavens.
In regards to all the other tecnical aspects I will abstain in virtue off more expert people. For me the whole write is well done, delivered and balanced.
Many thanks and kudos
I love this book so far, it has a unique premise for a dungeon fic that makes it impossible to put down.
Reasonable rate of growth and a decent style which is compromised in places by bad grammar and spelling
I am very bad with reviews but I'll try my best and first time writing one in RRL:
Style: I dunno what this means so... but I'll rate it 5 anyway.
Story: For the story, being a dungeon setting and having an archaic civilization as a world setting there would be much more room for improvements and the development of the plot so I have high expectations on that regard.
Grammar: So far I have not found any major or could remember any mistakes.
Character: They are what you'd expect from something of a council type of body governing over it's creatures with no apparent leaders within the Hive Mind so it provides more room for arguement and more time to weigh the pros and cons so it allows more flexibility on character development
This is realy good