Blooming Thorn in Another World
In this world, heroes are summoned from another world because of the threat brought by the devils. Each of this heroes are granted with blessing from the Spirit Goddess and possesses extraordinary powers to fight and to repel the devils.
But among these summoned heroes, an irregular appeared. A little girl is among them. The little girl doesn't have the qualities to be one of the heroes nor have the power to be so. She only tries to settle a peaceful life inside the castle for her own convenience.
But in this world full of mystery, she will be drag outside to the world to witness the wonders and all the suffering and pain this world could offer.
In a world where she is under powered and suffers from having a frail and immature mentality, will she survive and prevail or will she break first and suffers a crushing defeat from this world's absurdness.
PS: This Novel contains Multiple POV and an almost rape scene (just a single chapter). Read at your own risk
Warning: Tagged 15+ for Gore, Violence, and Strong Language.
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Alright. First of all. I like the premise of the story. Person gets transported to another world and turns out to change gender and turn into a loli. Alright. Bonus points for sheer amusement of setting. Cudoes.
There is a clear downside I see right from the prologue… you instantly give the MC knowledge that he just “assumes” through no real context or events. This is lazy and can be conveyed as your story progresses instead of just going through a list so the reader understands the setting.
The "death" chapter is filled with so much unnecessary information I had to skip 90% of it. It was like reading a 5 year old's list of things I like and how his friends treat him. Entirely pointless and should be conveyed through actual interactions to situations and other characters. Not just go about stating things randomly with no real point.
Grammar has major issues. Certain words like “This” and “These” are misused often. In the prologue alone I spotted the issue twice if I am not mistaken. Plural forms are missing quite often or misused aswell. It is so bad I cringe every other sentence or so. This is the main reason this submission should not be rated over a 3.0.
Style I will have to criticize the extremely short chapters. And is written as if I am reading a literal translation from a Japanese web novel. That means it is quite often terribly written, with short descriptive sentences and lots of useless repetition.
Overall: Cannot recommend reading this story. Way too much cringe factor. That anyone has so little self respect for their own opinions to rate this above a 3.0 is surprising… but this is royalroadl… can’t really say its not expected.
I understand it gained rapid popularity for fast and frequent updates. but that doesn;t mean I need to join the pack of people blindly tote-ing this as some sort of amazing story, which it isn't.
There is practically no plot to speak of, 34 chapters and I can't for the life of me tell where the MC is heading. The MC is also very lacking in depth. the start is barely even a "guy" (spirit/personality) who gets summoned into a large group of "hero's" with no purpose of her own.
she seems to get everything her way miraculously, either by pouting for it, or having some screwed up eureka moment when she decides to test an unknown skill she was told not to use, on a person she claims to be her friend. damn, if that's the treatment you get as a friend, I dread to think what would have happened if she actually had a family.
the king, supposedly has many titles (too many), is supposedly very strong and also supposedly cannot be lied to... yet she does just that at the beginning. and he just wraps himself around her little finger of his own will?
now... as a very particular fan of the gender bender genre... I ask you to remove the tag from your story. unless you plan to introduce a new character to take the role of trap/sexchanged. because what we see so far is a really shallow character who holds up a supposedly male identity for not even a few chapters before it is utterly gone from view and you are sure you are just reading about a typical female lead story, which you don't do any justice either from how you have set her up.
"but he was once a guy and is now a girl, so it has to have the tag." uh, no it doesn't. it's already debatable if she was ever a man because what is supposedly her body is alive and well and is quite healthy and evil in his free time. a small tweak in very few places could turn this into a story where the MC is forced to face off against their sibling or twin, and quite frankly, the story would be better for it.
the story has very little content per chapter, and so despite 34 chapters passing, we still know and have seen very little. most of the scroll height on the page is attributed to his rather forced formatting, of blocky text and blank line spacers. 34 chapters and we still know very little real information about the world setting, THAT IS RELAVENT. stuff important to the plot and worldbuilding is completely skipped over and just conveniently revealed as it is needed as if I had all been prepared ahead of time.
grammar is grammar. it just slightly worse than the average expected quality for the site, and a far cry from being flawless.
will not follow, would not recommend. your story lacks a focus and consistency to justify the amount of attention you have managed to luckily gather.
While the story is not my cup of tea, i couldn't help but keep reading.
I't starts out really cute and fluffy but good things simply do not last.
- Anyone but the MC receives massive powerups
- 90% of the story is from the viewpoint of the sidekicks
- The MC becomes less and less relevant, sometimes it takes tens of chapters before Asagao get's any attention
- The sidecharacters are boring as fuck
- There are too many characters
- Cliche evil side Nill? check
- Cliche evil demons invading? check
- The plot is a mess
Asagao is the best thing what happened to your story. Why the F*** would you stop writing about her? Nobody cares about the side characters, no matter how many boosts you give them.
1.5 out of 5
I'll break everything down before I start talking about the story in general, but this is a nice and fun thing to read, not much more though.
Style: It's all over the place. Generally, the structure and flow is pathetically weak. I have little more to say here, a full rewrite might be the only thing that can improve this.
Story: It's not perfect, not even close. Even so, I continue to read because it's pretty fun and I don't have to think, because it's evident that the author didn't either.
Grammar: Atrocious at best. Poor sentence structure, swapping tenses mid-sentence even, extremely confusing sentences, subject importance errors, poor punctuation, the list goes on.
Character: This is what I really wanted to get to, because I'm just so excited to tell everyone reading about all of the characters! They just pop out of your screen and are incredibly filled with depth. I'm afraid I'll run out of space, but here are descriptions of the characters:
Asagao: The MC, reincarnated from a guy who was killed by terrorists that he knew there were 8 of after only seeing one. Likely telepathic, but never uses it, instead preferring to just rely on onii-chan for everything. Adorable damsel-in-distress with a desire to gain strength. Generic to a scary degree.
Ashfon: This guy is a unique character, you likely have never seen anyone like him before. He's fun and friendly, but when he gets mad, he's extremely dangerous. Lots of people lied to him, but he could tell, so he's jaded and closed off. Absolutely not a template king at all, whatsoever. Virgin, and doting older brother-type.
The Summoned Heroes: This group consists of:
Ikemen (Ikeman? You sure, author?) #1: Outgoing person who expresses concern for others' well-being. He's nice and good looking, and his character might be viewed as interesting by a cyclops, or anyone else without depth perception.
Gangsta Guy: Tries to act bad. He's a tsundere.
Teacher Person: Rather young teacher, doesn't act her age or her profession at all. The only trait displayed at all by her is her immaturity.
Meido: Doesn't like dirty things, and is prone to violent outbursts.
Sleepy Hitman: Likes kids. Sociopath. Sleepy.
Miko: Twins, one is a trap. Literally nothing else.
None of the other characters from this group are even memorable enough to be recalled or noticed, and that's saying something when you look at how developed these ones are.
Edelweiss: Strong. Has boobs.
Lily: "Stiff" personality. Has boobs.
Violetta: Fell in love with a dragon. Went crazy. Got mad at a dragon. Refuses to kill said dragon. Now guards king. Scares said king, unless he is mad.
Ipomoea Nil: Alternate personality of MC, took MC's original body. Demon king, insane, tried to rape and murder MC, failed miserably just like he did back on Earth.
Head Maid: Strong. Fanatical. Likes cute things. Pulled a Yang and lost track of MC thanks to Chekhov's Stone.
Alstroemeria: Strong, could probably destroy world if she tried.. Book smart to the point of being a computer. Easily controlled. Naive. Rather aloof and juvenile. Existence is kept secret. Doesn't know how to hold back.
Cecille: Caretaker of Alstroe. Likes cute things?
Begol: Beast prince. Bad breath. Uses power to get what he wants. Bit over 100 years old, but still is a kid.
Folga: Beast King. Would have banished his son, but didn't because his son got rekt. Likes cute things. 500 years old.
Higanbana: Small kitsune. Should be dead, but isn't. Cute thing, also likes cute things. Compatible with Divine Ascension. Magic user.
Izuna: Higan's mother. Respects Fon-fon. Strongest of the Beast King's generals.
White Dragon Sage: Has a weird name, probably from a generator. Old, dying slowly. His life is tied to his seal on Violetta. Almost died to Alstroe. Is afraid of Alstroe. Teaching the MC and her slowly growing entourage to use magic effectively.
If you think these are just cursory introductions, they aren't. These are comprehensive descriptions of the characters' personalities, tendencies, and preferences. I did my best to make them look as accurate to the writing as possible, and in the process dropped my rating for Character by almost half.
Overall, it's nice and it's fun. It's cute. However, it's like a building that was just crushed: dig through it for days and you still can't even fragments of a story. The characters are flatter than pancakes under 80 psi. Not a single thing about this story is original except for perhaps the language used to write it, because absolutely nobody but the author can speak it.
So the premise is promising, but the delivery is so very bad.
But worst of all is the grammar, I know that RR is filled with people that do not speak English as their main language, but that is not a good reason to forego grammar entirely. Fix the grammar and the story will slightly better.
I honestly loved the first arc of this book it was great and well put together it was only until you put the mc into more dangerous situations that you started ruining it. I stopped reading it after chapter 128 but from the progress of the story from that amount of time i doubt it changed. In the authors words he didn't want to make an op mc but have her friends be op instead and thats fine I can appreciate that but THE AUTHOR TOOK THAT CONCEPT WAY TOO FAR. Making every other person OP besides the mc is stupid. When I stopped reading is when two characters who had literally been in two chapters got a power up and became way more powerful than the mc. You are making the same mistakes stories with powerful mc's make but make it oh so much more infuriating. If you had kept the story more slice-of-life it would have word beautifully out for you but you tried to incoporate lots of action that the mc could not take part in by having the side characters battle. It honestly made it so that the side characters were more so the main character than the mc herself. Now I don't know if its changed in the recent chapters but unless someone messages me and tells me that the mc is no longer an underpowered wimp compared to every other side character or the tone of the story changed back to a slice-of-life, I wont be reading it.
I will not continue the line of reviews that simply state this story sucks, that would be a practice in tautology. I will say that the story content itself is not damned inherintly. The thing that sunk the story was its bareness and grammer issues. The first , if remidied would make this a fic worthy of the panteons.
Let's take the bit of the intro where it's stated that our MC was raised by the orphanage headmaster. The statement could have been expanded into an entire scene with the headmaster sending Nill off to the cruise with a heavy heart and some dialouge that subtely gave readers all the information that was narration-dumped with the added bonus of making us care about Nill from the very beggining.
The second would make everything crystal clear, concise. Readible. In its current state, one has to slog the text, self correcting a great portion of it to extract the proper elements that make a story a story.
the greatest advice I could give you would be to obtain an editor and expand your scenes. I'd offer to go through everything myself, but I'm crafting my own work. Regardless, if you'd like assistance, PM me. I won't be able to do a lot in a short amount of time, but I'd like to do what I can.
The story could have been good, but sadly all the mistakes and the constant change of view make it boring. Half the story doesn't even follow our MC and is totally useless to the readers.
The first part was interesting, but pretty fast it gets boring and the reader doesn'T even want to know anymore what happens in the chapters
My first written review so I will try my best:
The story is really good, well written. I can see that the author knows what he's doing and it's nice.
We have a cute loli as MC (5/5).
Well for short it's my favorite kind of fiction.
In the lastest chapters (~209), the grammar is OK (At least for me) so there was an improvement since the beginning of the fiction. Don't let the ratings make you miss this story.
If you like stories with a female MC and a lot of adventures then go for it, you won't regret it.
And a few words for the author: Thank you for this fiction ! ~
This was a fun to read Story about a cute girl I guess? The author does the cute girl thing quite well and this is also the only reason I actually read it til now (Chapter 32).
Style: Terrible seriously look up how and when to use indents!! Im hoping this is a problem with the RRL editor though ...
Make your writing more detailed thing are happening way to fast. Also chapter length is really short you are getting better at that though so props for that ;)
Story: Only reason I read it still leaves alot to be desired. Feels very japanese WN like. Sitting around without ambition yet still stumbling into one Event after the other.
Character: The main character is kinda hard to follow sometimes but still the most komplex character there is. Everone else has what I would describe as One-Liner-description.
How you expect anyone to remember 14 different Summoned Heroes is still a mystery to me especially as they were all Introduced within the same paragraph