Spell Weaver : The Exiled Demon Lord

by Makeruno

Original HIATUS Action Adventure Fantasy Psychological Romance Harem
Mortis Reinhold, a bullied kid when he was young, was now living a normal life.

But now, teleported into another world, Valk Mezari, he was forced the title 'Demon Lord' and then was exiled for being weak.

What kind of story will be played in the world there are monsters, races of many kinds and a war going on between the Demon and Beast race.
While the two races have war, the humans who are hostile to all other races secretly plans a threat to overthrow the king and swiftly annihilate those two primary races of Valk Mezari!

A japanese hybrid fiction.

Already have somewhat 3 arcs somewhat planned out, though only this first arc is actually more detailed, well anyway please enjoy~
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Makeruno

Makeruno

Abyssal Penguin Magician

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MyopicInhibition
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Looking forward to its development

I know some will criticise me for writing a review when there are currently only two reasonably short chapters out though I think its fair to say that one person needs to dive into it to start the ball rolling. Before I begin my review I would like to point out that I am in no way a successful writer so if you see a point I make that you disagree with, just ignore me and continue to write the way you do. To start with, your style is good. You write succinctly and to the point, leaping from one moment to the next, leaving your readers with no time fore boredom. Which is always a positive thing. However, be sure that you don't do this at the sacrifice of both detail and character development. Sometimes when I read your I find it difficult to visualise what the characters sees, hears and feels. It terms of your story this is definitely a positive. Whilst there are stories in which the main character is unexpectedly placed as a demon lord, your personal take adds a nice layer of originality by both having the character viewed as weak by his subjects, whilst also having the potential of becoming strong. May not be everyone's cup of tea, though personally I am a sucker for this kind of story :3. Grammar. I find this to be the weakest component of your story, with you occasionally adding in words that don't need to be there, I.E " a another" < second chapter. This however can be easily fixed with maybe a quick run through of your work before you submit it. I'm sure many people would happily proofread your work if you asked them. Character: As I said before, sometimes your writing style leaves little time for character development. So I really cant bring myself to give you full marks for this even though you have set him up to be an understandable and relate-able character. That being said I also cant give you a score any lower as I know this is also my biggest problem in my story as well. I know how hard it is for writers to flesh out their characters in a way that doesn't make a reader feel like they are reading a biography. Overall. Despite all I said, I truly do enjoy reading this fiction. The idea is good and your style of writing allows me to appreciate what the character is going through. I hope you continue to write because if you do, know that I will be following.   Cheers for the writing......My god I've  written a thesis.   TLDR, read it!
Mrsound
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Its a gem that needs a lot of polishing

The story’s premise is interesting and refreshing. I can see a lot of potential in this ff, but it needs a huge amount of work. Your grammar has a fair amount of loopholes and redundancies, making it quite a chore to read smoothly and concentrate on the story. However, the weakest link in the story is still your style. You randomly switch between first person and third person dialogue without any warning, resulting in major disruptions when reading because at times, the reader gets confused.

 

Getting a proofreader would help solve both problems if the proofreader is competent enough. Character seems like he has a lot to potential to grow and i sure hope you wont gloss over the key character development stories. Aside from that, i would say good job. Keep improving and im sure this will become a story that attracts heaps of attention

zeth
  • Overall Score

Very good dont know why people rate it so bad

I loved the story, very interesting and makes you want to continue to read.