“President! You aren’t paying attention, are you?”
Ah, it was such a nice day outside. In fact, it was so nice it would certainly be a shame to stay indoors, especially for such mundane task as the club-related meeting of the student council. Honestly, a real sin against the whole humanity and this little me in particular.
“Now then, I’m all ears, Marie-chan. We are talking about this month’s budget for the clubs, aren’t we?”
Suddenly, I heard a sweet voice to my left. It was really an angelic voice, melodic and with a hint of shyness within. It was a voice that suited an anime character with mellow personality and a domestic streak. I’m so glad that my treasurer was such a nice girl.
“Umm, we already talked about this, president…”
Oh? We did. How nice of you, people. I’m relieved that this student council could work as a well-oiled machine even without my involvement. I always wanted my subordinates not to rely on someone else’s help, not even mine. Thus, I can proceed with my beauty sleep, right?
“It was three topics ago, dumb-ass. If you decide to take a nap with your eyes open again, I will sew your eyelids to your face, so you won’t be able to blink ever again, shitty president!”
“Is this how you treat your precious, dear, beloved, cool, pretty, talented, charismatic, over-achieving, dashing childhood friend, Marie-chan?! I’m so hurt, I now need a good nap to recharge my mental reserves, or I will die from depression”
Ha! You activated my ultimate trap card, Marie! Now, it’s useless, useless, useless to try to make me do any work! Eat this!
“Oi, are you a bunny or something, you poor excuse of a human-being? In this case, I’ll make some good stew from your meat for today’s dinner, bastard”
“Eh? Stew? You… You said stew just now? I’m hungry! Marie-chan, you precious childhood friend is hungry! Please, do something about this, won’t you?”
“I already prepared four boxed lunches exclusively for you this morning. Sometimes I think that this black hole of a stomach doesn’t deserve to be treated so well…”
“Hey, don’t bully stomach-chan! It’s her hopeless owner’s fault; she is a very good girl who digest tasty food very well. In fact, she is a very hard-working girl!”
I feel how something hard connects with my skull. I touch my head and find a chalk dust on my fingers. Could it be Merlin-sensei’s infamous “Chalk Destroyer”? It’s impossible for Marie to inherit this scary ability already… or is it?
“There is already one hard-working girl before you, isn’t it? Now, clean up your act and follow your duties, shitty president!”
My, what a scary vice-president I have. I honestly don’t understand why gramps ordered someone violent like her to be my right hand. Hmm, I remember him saying something like…
“Without Marie-chan by your side, you are completely hopeless. Please, do me a favor and make some fricking progress with her already! Otherwise, I won’t be able to pass away without any regrets”
How heartless from you, gramps! I’m shocked!
“Ue-e-e! President and vice-president are arguing again!”
“Hmm, I am not even surprised. I mean, they were always like this since their middle-school days, so it’s not so strange to find them quarrelling like an old married couple. In fact, it would be stranger to find them not arguing with each other at this point”
“I don’t want to hear an advice from a blasted pretty boy of all people”
I send my secretary the look of pure disgust. Honestly, people like him should just go and explode. Do you hear me, Akira? I still wait for you to go boom, blasted pretty boy.
“Boy? President, you still think I’m male? I am a girl, for pity’s sake!”
You won’t fool me with your pretty face and girlish voice, demon. I know that the truth on my side!
“If you aren’t a boy, then why do you wear a male student’s uniform? Are you some kind of sick perverted, Akira?”
I mean, no girl could pull of this uniform so nice. Heck, he looks even better than me. My manly pride won’t allow me to accept him as something more than a fellow male. I may not seem so, but I’m also a territorial animal, you know.
“It’s because all my requests for another uniforms were annulled by someone from the board directorship! They treat me as this school’s mascot for some reason! I even have a separate bathroom and changing room for some reason!”
Hmm? So, are you a third gender or something, then? Well, good for you. For now, I will continue to sulk and…
“Now then, with this comedy act finished, we can proceed with our meeting…”
She threw a piece of chalk at me. Again. I won’t tolerate this ever again!
“Oh? That’s some nice fighting spirit in your eyes, president!”
“Shut up, Akira”
I walk closely to Marie-chan and grab her arm. I look straight her in the eyes.
“P-President? W-What are you doing? H-Have you lost your mind?”
Hmm, seeing her flustered isn’t so bad. I mean, her long ears even started to flap cutely. What a nice reaction.
I say smoothly. Her face turns even redder.
“Those arms of yours are not meant for violence. They are too precious, too beautiful to be wasted for such barbaric actions…”
“Instead, I want you to cook me lunch every day, okay?”
“Akira-chan, did he just…?”
“Yes, he did! Without doubt, it was a brave act…”
Suddenly, Marie-chan’s leg connects with my crotch. Violently.
G-Gramps, I’m sorry: I am not sure I can treasure you with a grandchild anymore.
“… A foolish one, but still brave”
I look up and see my childhood friend’s cute face. Ah, her eyes are as cold as iceberg. You could lend me a hand now, you know. And when I meant a hand, I didn’t mean “lift me up by my cheek”, Marie-chan. I totally didn’t mean this.
If you continue to do this, I might open a new side of me, a side I don’t want opened!
“W-Who allowed you to set flags on me, idiot?! Die!”
Thus, a bizarre everyday life of Alan Muller and his student council in the Magic Academy of Common Sense continues. I still wonder what does the term flag mean…
Author Notes: I’m not allowed to drink “Red Bull” anymore. I get strange ideas, when I do.