Awaken Online

Awaken Online

by da3strikes

Frustrated and angry with his life, Jason begins playing a first-of-its-kind virtual reality game and inadvertently finds himself on the path to becoming the game’s villain. As he continues playing, he also starts to suspect that the game is much more than it appears. Book one is available on Amazon here.


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da3strikes

da3strikes

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Scandalf
Overall

I don't understand man..

I have absolutely no idea why the hell does this story have such a good score. I mean, there are soooo many mistakes(I am not talking about grammar). 

I mean, his biggest enemy, that he wants to kill? or teach a lesson to is a fricking paladin(or some sort of holy knight, whatever) and this retard of a MC just chose to become a FUCKING NECROMANCER! WHAT THE FUCK? 

And when he was choosing his class, just before he chose to become a Necromancer, he remembered a scene of a battle(his enemys battle) and he said that he needs an army to be able to do battles like that, and since he is a solo player he chose the necromancer, all good till there, but WHY THE FUCK would he choose a summoning skill with higher mana requirement when he can choose one with low mana requirement, IF he wants to raise an army?

And why is he suddenly the Dark King? like, I'm pretty sure there are at least hundreds of thousands of people out there that desire power more than him, considering his living conditions and the life he had until now. I mean, just because he was bullied at the school, he suddenly becomes the Satan. Sorry man, makes absolutely no sense.

And wtf is with the cat. Like, it is so obvious there is something wrong with that cat, don't know and don't care what, but there is something different about it. And that cat, just happens to soo conveniently find HIM of all people and follow him, and then probably turn into something amazing at the later parts of the story. Why? because plot armor man, MC MUST have some sort of freak companion,follower, summon or whatever, you name it.

And I, to this day, still can not understand why are you people SO fixated on Virtual Reality.. I mean, you make it soo realistic, it is basically not a game anymore at all. NPCs have feelings! Really? The games world can actually change just because of a single players actions! really? etc.etc.

I mean, if you were gonna make it so realistic, write a fantasy novel or something instead. Because these kind of novels, when they get to later parts, just become garbage, when you see how realistic it is, considering it is just a game created by "us" humans, and I can assure you, it is impossible to make a game like this(unless our brains somehow evolve to the point of actually being enough to create such a perfect AI). And thinking about it, it just makes it harder to..feel the story, you see.

 

TL;DR: Bad decisions made inside the story and the game. I recommend you write a Fantasy story, with your talent, I am sure you could write a top 100 story on RRL.

Buller
Overall

read this on another site

Reviewed at: AO: Retribution Release!

And i just needed to say how well-made this was. Honestly, there are few negatives about the first two books. We get to see the physical and mental development of a teen, going from a kid with anger issues to a leader that can bring his country to glory. Meanwhile, other perspectives start popping up, leading it all into a grand game of politics that will allow for so much more to surface. I have nothing but praises for this book-series. Nowadays, it can only really be found on amazon, putting it behind a paywall. Yet even so, I do recommend that people read it. This is some good stuff

EverShadow
Overall

So I read this series off of Amazon, but this is the series that originally got me interested in the LitRPG genre, and ultimitely what led me to this website. Thanks for writing!

Savane
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Truly worth publishing

Just finished it, and it was awesome, truly worthy of being published. I really liked how the MC was able to identify his flaws and admit his mistakes, not being self centered like most mc of similar stories.

The chapter length is just right and the humor is awesome. The MC is kind of OP, but not to an absurd degree. Most of his success and growth is due to his careful planing and tactics that do make sense, not because he is the only person in the world that knows what grinding is (yeah, i am looking at you weed). All the help he receives from above only come as a well earned reward after he did the heavy lifting, so i don't have any complains there.

If the author is reading this, seeing that you are going to publish it, my  only critique would be that you always use the same expression when he comes up with a plan (the "a plan started to form on his mind" or something like that). I was kind of annoyed at the beginning with the overuse of the "all rich people are pigs" trope, but it wasn't that serious and it was kind of needed to set the story rolling.

Also, in one of the first chapters, when describing the effect of dark mana on him, it is described as "liquid ice". I totally understood what you mean, and it is really descriptive, but a little part of me couldn't help to say "yeah, also known as water"

 

Farcrier
Overall

Read through the whole thing in 2 days

It's amazing and I cannot wait for him to post the next book, I hope he gets published

KrisWoodsman
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Amazing, Well Worth Reading

This story is win, pure and simple.  It starts off small and builds quickly and smoothly into something larger. I binged through the story in a day and enjoyed the ride.

 

The characters are multifaceted and experience real growth while facing their flaws and the flaws of those around them.

 

The game system is interesting is well thought and it is quite that the main character's power comes from skill and intelligence rather that an overpowered deus ex machina. The skill rank up text could use some editing and continuity management but as a whole it is presented in a manner that adds to the story and understanding of the main character's abilities without being distracting.

gonflick
Overall

epic start to a new litrpg

epic start hope it sticks to first person as things get biger with side veiws at start of chapter. cause d rus. screwed up alterworld because it left first person and got too big.

mrducking
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

This is Literature with L

let's make this short: aside from some grammar which for most people is perfectly fine, this is amazingly good

good story, check

original story, check

character development, check

believable characters, double check

good storytelling, check

 

I could keep going all day, just read it

Gaiadarkstar
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Amazing!! It's addictive

I read all available right away and am impatiently waiting for more.  The only slightly bad part is that his power seems broken for a game and he gets too powerful too quickly.  Still I love how much strategy comes into play.  The characters too are well done and all seem like real people.  Sometimes I want a little more on what they look like but it's not too bad.  

This story really sucks you in and doesn't let you go.  It has a smooth flow with an interesting fresh angle on the VR genre.  I really hope the next chapters come out really soon.  This story has everything you could want.  Action, adventure, an OP MC, a possibility of romance, and lots of great characters, and an interesting story.

kallesen
Overall

Attention gripping *Spoilers start*

It is an interesting take on how that a psyche can develop when someone is being confirmed and rewarded by a certain form of behaviour that the person knows to be wrong.
Furthermore, it is interesting in the way it tackles the AIs self-advancement, and it  also has an interesting way of foreshadowing that there is still someone that behind the scenes, already from the first few chapters and all the way to the end of the first book.
Furthermore, it has an interesting use of POV and the way that each chapter is split in 2, each one showing a different part is quite interesting.


Furthermore, the grammar has very few mistakes.
All in all, it is quite interesting.
However, it could focus a bit more on fleshing out the characters.

*Spoiler end*